She's ditched me for a guy

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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She's ditched me for a guy

Postby Dolphiness » Sun Feb 27, 2005 9:41 pm

Ive known this person for just over a year doesn't seem long but we know everything about each other. She is my best friend and in the past I've bent over backwards to help her including lending her large amounts of money. I've even put up with abuse from friends and my family who don't like her.

My mate has a kid and left the father for a guy who had a crush on her. This guy says he will do anything for her and the kid and wont come between her and her mates. Winthin 2 weeks she was talking about marrying him and moving in with him.

It doesn't help I dont particularly like the guy but now I hate him. My mate and I used to spend every free minute together shopping, listening to music just anything usually going out for a drink or two. Now I barely see her she doesn't call that often and tonight I'm really upset and dont know what to do.

Tonight is one out of several nights she has made plans with me and then I've not been able to get in touch with her. I'm sick of being let down but I think if I tell her she will say I'm only jealous of her relationship with this guy. I'm really broke at the moment and she knows it and keeps promising me some cash to repay me what she owes which is a hell of alot and I've not got anything yet. Its been 2 months since I started lending her this money.

Am I right to feel used or am I just being jealous? :-? [/b]
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Postby nothings_shocking » Sun Feb 27, 2005 9:55 pm

Sorry things are like this for you.

You need to stop lending her money now! She needs to learn how to manage her money like the rest of us. It is ok to lend friends money as they probably know they need to pay you back.
I think that your friend does not realise how much you have done for her. You need to make it clear to her that you have had abuse from people just because you are friends.
Have you asked people why they don't like her?
Have you said to your friend that you hardly spend anytime together anymore? Tell her you miss old times?
I think your friend needs to consider her child.
Tell your friend that you don't like being dropped all the time.
You need to tell her that you are not going to lend her anymore money until she starts repaying it.
You need the money as much as she does.
You definately have a right to feel used. I can see where the jealousy part comes in but i don't really think you are.
I think your friend is using you. At the moment you are her cash point.
No true friend would ditch you for a guy.
Hope you are ok

x x x
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Postby Laurajane » Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:32 pm

hey yeah nothings shocking is totally right, you have every right to feel used, she's doing all the taking and no giving in return and that's not right. I don't think you are jealous, if you were you'd possibly have feelings for her?? I think you should get in touch with her and explain your feelings, but definitely stop giving her money,
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Postby Laurajane » Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:36 pm

correction on what i just said, i thought you were male, got that wrong sorry realise she's just a friend
*What do sheep count when they can't sleep?!*
*Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.*
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Postby arwen » Tue Mar 01, 2005 5:05 pm

Personally I would break this down into smaller points and tackle each one at a time. From your post I would be inclined to look at them in this order.

1. Get back the money she owes you. It's not on. Lending or borrowing money between friends isn't wise and I definitely wouldn't recommend it. Next time you see her, explain that you need that money back urgently and when can she pay you? Set a date and make sure she coughs up. Don't be nice about it - it's YOUR money!

2. Your friendship. Tell her that you miss spending time together like you used to and ask if she will make more time to see you. Explain that letting you down by standing you up all the time upsets you and stops you making other plans.

3. Her boyfriend. You haven't specified what you don't like about him but if there is something specific that he does which is affecting you, raise the issue with him and ask him to stop, or talk to your friend about his behaviour.

I suspect that you are one of these people who, like me, has difficulty saying no to people and doesn't stand up to friends or family when they do something that upsets you. Don't fall into the habit of becoming a doormat because the more you let people walk all over you like this, the more they will do it.
It will only take ONE occasion of you standing up for yourself to make them realise that you won't stand for it, and I guarantee they will have more respect for you after the event!

Good luck! xxx
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