i hardly exist to my friend any more

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i hardly exist to my friend any more

Postby loopylou » Sat Mar 26, 2005 6:05 pm

i dunno where to start hehe.

My friend lives over the road from me shes 19 and im 22, since i came back from uni a year and half ago, we became really close she was constantly over my house or shopping together or walking to our local shops or on the phone to each other. we could spend ages and ages just talking about daft things, and shed even ring me when she was bored in her lunch hour at work.

she met her boyfriend in bout july last year and she went a little quiet with me but not much we were still on phone all time gossiping about him and my boyf (as girls tend to hehe). then he dumped her twice to go back to his ex girlf, i was there for her both times and was there whenever she needed to talk or come over or something but since she got back together with him before xmas, its almost if like im a stranger now. she doesn't bother with me at all, doesn't reply to my texts doesnt ring me no more, hardly ever sees me, the odd time she does reply is when shes bored cos her boyfriends at work and shes not.

My boyfriend has said that im too soft with her and i should stop texting her back straight away when she does text and when she uses me to go to town with cos her boyfs at work that i should say no, but i cant because then i feel really mean.

shes really upset me really because shes just completly dumped me and doesnt answer my calls or nothing and she wont reply or anything if shes with him.

WELL...on wednesday shed asked me to go to town with her and i thought ill stand up for myself and just said no i was busy, well she came over afterwards in floods of tears, shed found out she is pregnant (she was pregnant 2years ago but had an abortion). So we sat for ages talking about it and i calmed her down and organised her to get another test etc etc..anyway, her and her boyf have decided in a 10min phone call to get rid of the baby (which i dont think is something you can decide on the phone).

Anyway since wed night shes ignored me again, ive text her quite a few times to make sure shes okay and to let her know shes not alone and that im here for her and to see how she is, shes replied once to just say yeh im fine we are going to docs and sorting it out and thats it. ive even told her i have her house key and shes not bothered to reply.

I know shes going through a stressful time but is there anyneed to ignore me like this? or do you think i am over reacting by getting upset?

i will never let her down as a friend even tho my boyf thinks im too soft because ill always be there for my friends, but the last two days has really got to me. especially cos i dont agree with abortion but i wont ever let my opinion influence how i advise her (ive made sure she can see the good and bad about both keeping the baby or having an abortion).but i would have thought shed have learnt to be more careful after going through what she did 2 years ago.

Plus whenever she does contact me, she only ever talks about her and boyfriend buying a house and theyve viewed this house and that and this and that about the mortgage and about how great its gonna be, she never asks about me no more and if she does i get about one sentence inand shes back onto her and her boyf or shes texting him..

i dont know what to do? because i know if i talk to her then shell think im being a b***h and im only jealous...but its not just that i mean yeh im jealous but id never let that interfere with our friendship...but its just the fact that since shes been back with her boyf im not on the scene no more and shes just not interested.
what should i do?
sorry its so long, my posts always are cos i blab on!
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Postby mccannalex » Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:34 am

I'm going through a similar situation at the moment with my best mate and it's hard.

If you do talk to your friend make sure you do it calm and controlled so that you don't say anything you'll regret. At the same time your boyfriend is right and you shouldn't be so ready to fall into her plans at the drop of a hat.

That about the best advice I can give at the moment
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Postby gothicglitter » Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:58 pm

I think your boyfriends right. U need to stand up for yourself and tell her no. your friend seems very selfish she knows that you will be there for you and thats why she keeps doing it. I would say tell how you feel and if she continues to do it stand up for your self and do it back at her.
Those kind of people just use mates untill they find something better.
hope this has helped
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You're not alone

Postby Dolphiness » Mon Apr 11, 2005 10:33 pm

You're not alone in this situation its surpsrising how many people are going through this.

My best mate has been doing the exact same things as yours since she fell madly in love with a guy in a matter of 2 days!

You feel like you're being ditched and only needed when things go wrong or they have a big decision to make and no matter what you say and they agree to do they always spend 5 mins talking to their boyf and they have gone against everything you have just discussed which leaves you feeling used.

The problem is like me you don't want to ditch her because you care about her as a mate and you know your jealous of her relationship with her boyf but you don't want that to come between your friendship.

Its a difficult one I'm still trying to find the answers myself but I find what works best is no matter how hard you want to you must stop texting and calling. It works everytime eventually when your friend decides she wants a mate she will realise that you haven't been in touch and then thats when they come running back to you.

I hate doing this but its the only way me and my mate are still friends, she realises after a few days I've not been in touch and starts to panic that I'm not her best friend anymore, you pretend everything is fine and that you've just been busy and the jealousy is reversed.

Try it out and see what happens if it doesn't work then maybe you need to sit down calmly with your friend and tell her you feel hurt and abandoned. If she is a true mate she will make an effort.
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Postby loopylou » Mon Apr 11, 2005 11:47 pm

well after she came over on that wednesday when she found out she was pregnant which was nearly 4 weeks ago ive had three texts off her, only replies to mine, basically telling me shes bought a house with him (theyve been togehter 3 months and before that hes dumped her twice for his ex) and that she has to go to the hospital on the 19th for the abortion and thats all ive heard from him..so for the last two week i think ive text her once and shes not replied and thats it..she doesnt seem to notice im not around any more or anything shes too occupied with this guy to even notice me..and i only live opposite her in a cul de sac.
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Postby V23 » Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:16 am

hi
i agree to an extent with what's been said. She does sound like she has been very selfish and it's wrong to ignore your friends.
I think though that you should just step back from this for a while, let her know that you're there for her whenever she's ready to talk to you.
You said that she basically decided to have the abortion in a ten minute conversation. What were her feelings about being pregnant before this? If she's unsure of her decision she'll probably want to stay away from anyone who may make her question it, especially if she knows you are abortion.
I'm not justifying her ignoring you but i can understand how she must be feeling, it's hard enough to reach the decision to terminate pregnancy once but to do it again is extremely stressful (i have personally gone through it :oops: ). If i'm honest she probably isn't even really aware that she is treating you so badly (i'm not taling about previous times that you mentioned, just the current situation).

good luck :)
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Postby loopylou » Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:13 pm

Thanx for your reply v23 and i know what your saying, but she was like this before she found out she was pregnant. Also ive never let her know that i dont particularly agree with abortion because i would never ever tell somebody not to have one etc, i just personally dont agree with it but i would never tell her this. I helped her to realise good and bad points about what both sides and the first time i even offered to go with her, i think shes just more interested in her boyfriend and her new life with him and his friends and family and that hurts alot, because i was there for her when he left her twice for her ex, i was there for her all the time, and its like shes using me when she wants and thats it. sorry its just upsetting me alittle at the moment
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ur m8

Postby Krazycow » Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:42 pm

you're boyf right, u shud ignore her 4 a bit n c how she likes it. when she comes bk 2 u 4 sumthing, bring it up wen ur talking n discuss it and ask her y she has been aviodin/ignoring u. wen u do tho, jus b carful 2 not b 2 hard bout da subject. if she talks bout her boyf jus slowly steer da conversation towards mates.
that's all i've got 2 giv rit now
hope u sort it out btwen u n ur m8. gud luk *smileyheart* [/b]
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