don't know what to do

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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don't know what to do

Postby umistgirl » Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:20 pm

Hi everyone

A bit of background. There is this girl (H) who i am/used to be friends with since i was about 14-15 (i'm 21 now). At the beginning we were great friends, we used to go out on rides together every night after school/college and at weekends, we used to keep our horses together at my ex-bf's place. After a couple of years she moved her her horse to another yard and i split up with my ex but we still kept in touch, going to the pub/for nights out/girly nights in...Then she started to drift away...we both were due to go to university in manchester but she emails me one day to say shes not going this year...shes defferring till next year. I questioned her why and she said she had an eating disorder/depression problems 8-O i felt so bad as i hadn't even noticed (she kept it all hidden from eveyone we know). I wanted to be there for her but she just pushed me away. I would call but she wouldnt answer- i would email but she wouldnt reply.

Anyway she came round and got better and started to get in contact with me again...things went back to normal-ish. Then i got a years placement in Cambridge and moved away - again trying to keep in touch...every weekend that i went back to the north I would ring and arrange a night out, she always accepted but ALWAYS cancelled at the last minute. This really upset me, she gave really phoney excuses and i couldnt see why she was doing this. The last time i arranged a night out was my 21st back in november...she was really enthusiastic saying she couldnt wait and then bam, she cancels at the last minute again. I was in tears because i considered her to be a good friend and felt rejected. I vowed to move on, because getting let down all the time and being made to feel like she didnt want to be my friend anymore was just hurting me.

It was around Feb when i decieded to try one more time to get in touch ( i got engaged and i was sad that i didnt have her as a friend anymore as i would have asked her to be my bridesmaid) - i emailed, no reply..i texted then got a reply...GREAT i thought. We 'made up' and said how stupid we had both been over everything that happened. I was at work so i said i'd call her at home later for a catch up and a long chat. She said 'sure, great' etc. Then i called, her mum answered and shouted upstairs to her...but her mum came back on the phone and said 'can you call tomorrow?'...i thought fine, ok...so i called the next day. Same again, so i thought 'right thats IT i am never ever wasting my time on this again'.

I met up with one of our other friends recently (S), i mentioned this girl to her and S started telling me how H had been avoiding her etc. I was shocked cos i thought that she was just doing this to me, but nope- this has been happening to all her friends. It seems everyone else has given up now too. I really felt sad for H, if shes going through something then we all would have liked to help but she just hurt everyones feelings by treating them so bad.

And then we (finally!) get to today...i receive a text message from H out of the blue...saying sorry for not being in touch- then giving one of her usual lame axcuses (my rabbit had runny eyes, my horse had a blocked nose etc)...I had swore to myself to never get involved again, cos she only lets me down and i end up getting upset and thinking that its cos im a bad person or something. So, what do i do? do i ignore her text? do i just give a polite reply? do i confront her via text as to why shes being like this? I dont wanna keep getting hurt but I still hold on to the stupid hope that we could be good friends again....

Thanks for reading and sorry abou tthe length.
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Postby JennaXXX » Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:11 pm

Can sort of identify with you in some ways... It is extremely hurtful when we care about someone and give so much to them but receive so little back.
Personally I think you have made it clear that you will be there for her but she hasn't responded to it.
I think that you should concentrate more on your other friends and stop trying to contact her so much. You have tried to help but she is messing you around. I dont know what her game is but it seems to me like this is weighing very heavily on your mind and upsetting you.
It will be hard but you cant do anymore for this girl as far as I can see anyway.
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Postby what_av_i_done?? » Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:44 pm

ive got friends like this, it always seems to be your the one making the effort, then you'll find that they will contact you out of the blue, but i suggest that you do text her back then that way you are still being there for her, who knows she might want to open up in time? just keep mates with her, but just dont keep her so close as before, give it time.
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Ignoring Mate

Postby Krazycow » Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:58 pm

dont reply the text but next time she texts you reply. try and still be mates with her but not be as close as you were before.

Life's like a foreign language, all men misprounouce it!!
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