I'm losing my friend

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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I'm losing my friend

Postby Missunderstood » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:51 pm

Ok this is pretty long, a few months ago my friend Hanna started seeing a boy. When she told me i was really happy for her and i wondered why the rest of our friends weren't, that was until she told me who it was. The lad she was seeing was a total rake who slept with anything he could get his hands on and me and my other friend Leanne knew this. Leanne and him went back a long while and they had always been friends and even though he was a jerk to his girlfriends he was a good friend to Leanne even though he often flirted with her. I had met him through Leanne and he started flirting with me too, which i found extremely annoying as i knew he had a girlfriend, what i didn't know was that she was not the only one.

After a few months Hanna met this lad and she was immediately attracted to him and the two of them became a couple even though me and Leanne constantly warned her and even our other friends Zoe and Sadie had some idea of what he was like. I was worried about her but no matter what i said she refused to hear it, 'he might have changed, he's different with me' was all she would say. She ignored me and Leanne and carried on with this boy. Everything seemed to be going fine and i was starting to think, 'hey maybe he has changed' until i saw Hannah crying in school. I asked her what was wrong and she told me he had been out with some other lasses when he told Hanna he was working. Leanne and I were posotive he had done something with this girls but nevertheless we bit our tongues and Hanna decided to finish it with him.

The next day i learnt they were back together and she avoided me for a long while because she knew i was dissappointed. But once again being the friends that we are we stuck by her decision and hoped for the best. Then a few weeks later Zoe, Sadie and I went out where was saw him and a friend with two other lasses. I told him we would tell Hanna and he didn't care. The next day they broke up as they kept arguin about girls flirting with him. So we knew how upset she was and we supported her all the way through it. Being there for her, never saying 'i told you so' and caring as much as we could.

Anyway about three weeks later I was out with Leanne and Zoe and we saw the lad, we starting talking to him as he and Leanne were still good mates. While they were talking Zoe was looking at pictures on his mobile when she showed me something. It was texts from Hanna and as the night went on we found out that Hanna was still txting him, ringing him, and meeting up with him. Sometimes she would lie and blow us off just to go meet him. We were all furious as it had only been a few days earlier we had been arguing about her seeing him. We knew he was no good for her but she wouldn't believe us.

So the next day we were going to sit down and talk about it just normal and calm. But then we didn't see her and later that night i had tried to sort it out with her and basically she told me to mind my own business and that she didn't care about her friends anymore. After all we had done for her. So that was it, Hanna was gone. We stopped being mates and she got back with the boy. This deeply hurt the four of us but Hanna didn't seem botherd. After a few months Hanna said she couldn't stand it and wanted to make up. We considered and did as we decided she deserved a second chance because if we made a mistake we would like a second chance.

So we were mates and she was still with her boyfriend we avoided the subject of him at all costs but then after a few months he broke up with her after telling her he loved her. She was devastated and we were there for her. She tried to get through it but she was finding extremely difficult and still is. But she tells us she wants to get over him but she keeps calling him, seeing him and talking to him, running over to him, flirting with him and we know she wants to get back with him. She's changed since it happened and i dont no what to do. We all miss her so much and even though people may think we're intefering we're not we just care so much for her and hate seeing her hurt. We give her the support she needs and tell her it's her choice but if she keeps running back to him when we know he doesn't love her she's gonna get hurt again and i dont know if i can stick around any longer to pick up the peices. It hurts that she's changed so much and i hate seeing her like this but i can't keep coming second after him. We're losing her and she's losing us. Please help i want her to be happy but i dont want him to walk all over her. Has anyone got any advice? If so please help, i've known her since we were 6 and i don't want to lose her. She's one of the best mates i've ever had. I miss her.
Last edited by Missunderstood on Tue Apr 26, 2005 6:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby arwen » Tue Apr 19, 2005 4:06 pm

This is an awkward situation but I think all you can do is continue to be there for her and try not to get involved.
She must know what he is like and at the end of the day, she is old enough to make her own choices and decisions and accept the consequences.
You've been a good friend and you seem to care about what happens to her, but at the end of the day there is only so much you can say and do, and she has to live with the results of her own actions.
All I can say really is keep doing what you've been doing; the day will come when she will finally see sense and she'll need her friends around.
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