How do I get over this bad experience?

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How do I get over this bad experience?

Postby elmo24 » Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:16 pm

Hi guys...in need of a bit of love and advice :(

Around two years ago, one of my best friends decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. Now, we were not kids (I was 22, she was 34 - a kind of 'out-of-the-group' friend I made at work); not a silly playground fight...in fact, there was no fight at all. I felt pushed out (as she had recently moved away and didn't seem that interested in making an effort to see me anymore) and asked her about this. The next time I saw her it had all gone very cold and after months of a rollercoaster-ride of one day her being nice; the next - ignoring me, I asked her outright what was going on. She acted like I'd killed her family! As planned, I started my PhD in a university a couple of hours away and we haven't spoken since. I don't think there would be anything gained from visiting her, before you suggest I do so.

Now, as much as people tell me they think she overreacted and I didn't deserve to be treated the way she treated me, and that maybe she was jealous because she felt I was 'leaving her behind' or whatever, it still upsets me that I may have done something so awful that she felt she had to break our friendship. It makes me feel so bad about myself that sometimes I don't want to be around my friends in case the same thing happens again.

How can I get over this? I don't want to always feel this sad :cry:
All you need is love...
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Postby BlueRayman » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:06 pm

Hi

Sometimes friendsships end, people grow apart overtime. Only the closest and tightest friends everlast a life time. Personally i think you need to get out with new people.

It is a sad thing to loose friends, i've left alot of people i was close to in my past for no other reason than i needed to make a clean start. Maybe she feel she needs to do the same.

---Ray
It takes more than a bullet to stop fate.
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Postby singingsmiler » Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:17 pm

friendships are a two way thing and as much as you may want to sort things out - if the other person does not want to put the effort there's not much you can do.

The thing about friendships is that to be maintained they need time - this doesn't mean you have to see them all the time but texts, emails, phonecalls etc...

Sometimes you have to take a back seat if you have done everything you can and see what they are prepared to do - sadly in this case it sounds as if your heart was more into the friendship.

It happens that way sometimes don't beat yourself up about it.

SS xx
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Postby smile » Thu Apr 28, 2005 9:42 pm

People change over time and there is nothing you can do to stop that except sit back and watch them change. However you may find that your friend will realsie what a friend she has got and will contact you in her own time. Just give her space and time, the best friends will stay around for a long time.
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Postby elmo24 » Thu Apr 28, 2005 11:29 pm

Thanks for your advice people.

I just feel so frustrated cos I don't understand what happened and there's no way I can find out. I feel so bad about myself and can do nothing :(
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Postby JennaXXX » Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:47 pm

I have been in your situation before. Friends have gone funny on me and I never worked out why.
Dont assume that you are the one in the wrong. Even if you had done something to upset her she should have told you first rather then just calling the friendship off for no reason!
I think that you should concentrate on your other friends. I know its sad when we lose friendships but it has to be a two way process. You cant always be the one who is making the effort.
Dont feel bad about yourself I am sure there are loads of people who would love to be friends with you.
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