friends driving me up the wall...

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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friends driving me up the wall...

Postby nothings_shocking » Wed May 18, 2005 3:26 pm

where do i start?!
my friend is saying things to my friends about me yet again....telling people that i wouldn't make a good couple with this one and that one etc.., telling people she doesn't want me to go dancing, playing pool might as well be a hermit.
I have known her the longest and all she cares about is herself and her stupid boyfriend. The thing is i've stuck up for her and everything in the past seems like somebody has a short memory...
She's having a go at me because her ex boyfriend rang me. She asked me what we were talking about, i told her...starts raising her voice at me.
I feel really distant from all of my friends. I feel invisible, worthless to them.
Majority of the time there is no need to be the way she is, she just thinks she is better then everyone else just because her new boyfriend is 24 and is doing this and doing that.
When i ask her about anything that has been said, everything is denied.
Also myself and a friend of mine were told something...my friend only went and told people. The person who told us hasn't found out yet...
Like today we were told to go in groups the people who i thought were my friends didn't say join our group or anything.
I am failing my college course...i'm a failure to my family and all i want to do is cry all the time.
I have a got a disciplinary at work...for being ill...(formal chat with the people upstairs).
I just want to die and everyone would be happy
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Postby BlueRayman » Wed May 18, 2005 4:11 pm

WoW

your friend is all-up-herself because her b/f is 24!?..... Yep I know the sort complete drama queen who can't stand it if anybody else is the center of attention, things shes great looking, sexy etc but in actual fact is well nothing special.

Next time she has a go at you about something or asks you to do something in that supiorer tone i bet she uses just says "yes Queen (insert name)" "I'm sorry Queen (insert name)".

You have no need to stick with a friend that bad mouths you to your actual friends and has a go about about nothing, puts you down to make them selves feel better. Don't stand for it.

---Ray
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Postby nothings_shocking » Wed May 18, 2005 4:19 pm

She just thinks she is superior to the rest of this.
Since she has lost weight her personality has gone with it too.
You are right people in my college group think she is a retard and she has been called the village bicycle a fair few times.
Whenever i ask her about things it is always denied. It is always the other person who is lying...
It can't be them lying all the time.
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Postby BlueRayman » Wed May 18, 2005 4:39 pm

If you've known her along time then you'll be able to tell shes not telling the truth, you can when you've known somebody for a long time. Couldn't you slowly cut her out of your lfie if you don't want to remain friends or do u have afairly close knit group of friends?

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Postby nothings_shocking » Wed May 18, 2005 4:59 pm

Thank you for your replies.
Yes i can tell when she is lying as she gets this look on her face, will give minimal eye contact avoids the question...
I have a fairly close knit group of friends.
The thing i do not understand is that she was having a go at me because she thought that her ex was talking about her. It is ok for her to laugh at him when she hears his name and to say all these things about him but when it is reversed it is a totally different story.
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Postby SugarRainbows » Sun May 22, 2005 2:42 pm

She probably slags her ex off because she's still hurting over him, its possible that the only reason she keeps going on about her new guy is because shes trying to convince herself shes better off without her ex. This is probably why when anyone else said a bad word against her ex she doesnt like it.

She may also envy your closeness with him (phone call) and was jealous which made her ask all those questions.

It sounds like shes a bit mixed up, maybe you could talk to her about it but it seems she would refuse to see there is a problem, so your best to leave her be for a while until she sorts out whats going on in her own head, because atm shes taking it out on you which isnt fair.
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Postby nothings_shocking » Sun May 22, 2005 8:37 pm

I have tried talking to her about it but i just get the same thing out of her. Things ended with her ex as the distance was too much for him. She has split up with him for a while now...before september. Now she has met a new guy and is friends with his friends too, and her 'old' friends are forgotten about.
You say that she may envy our closeness, but there is no closeness it was just a few texts and a phone call. i have hung out with him before but with frieds of mine who are close to him.
The thing is why laugh when i mention his name? I am open about things and we were really close friends at one time thats we i talk about anything with her.
She keeps assuring me that she has no more feelings for him and that she totally loves new boyfriend.
What she doesn't realise is that she is slowly losing people.
Maybe it's just me she doesn't like?
For example the other day i went shopping with a male friend of mine tried on clothes and told each other opinions of it as you do. Anyway we met up with her and we were talking about this top i tried on and she bought it in spite of me!!
Then when she bought it she was bragging to all her friends.
I just don't understand.
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Postby JennaXXX » Mon May 23, 2005 9:32 am

Sounds like you need to ditch her! I think you should talk to her and if she doesn't change or apologize then you need to break ties with her. Some people are always going to be nasty and cruel and show little respect for the people around them she may be one of those people. She certainly doesn't seem to be making you happy which friends should. Find yourself other friends and get away from her she seems to be making you feel really depressed and you dont need that.
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Postby nothings_shocking » Mon May 23, 2005 11:15 am

I've known her since i was 12 , longest friendship with someone...but i just can't cope with her anymore...If i ditch her then that is a waste of early 6 years...
The thing is she has gotten worse since she has been seeing her new bofriend. She thinks she is better then us now, spends no time at all with us. Only reason i see her is because we are on the same course!
I have other friends (on my course) but my other friends are also friends with her.
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Postby singingsmiler » Mon May 23, 2005 1:28 pm

Hey hun,
I think you need to try to talk to her about how you are feeling - as it is such a long friendship it seems a shame to give up on it straight away. One of my friends began behaving like this when she got a new bf and it was difficult for a while - as her friends we pulled back from her and didn't talk to her much at all for a bout 3 weeks.

In the last week she has made a real effort to phone us and catch up and seems to have chilled out a bit. maybe your friend needs to experience you having some time away from her - see if she values your friendship??

If talking to her and the break does not work then maybe it's time to move on... it isn't a waste of six years because you had a good friendship - sometimes people change and we have to move on hard as it is.

Good luck lovely
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Postby nothings_shocking » Mon May 23, 2005 1:55 pm

Hey SS,
Thank you for your reply.
She obviously doesn't value our friendship if it took her 2 months to tell me she was seeing this guy.
I've sat back for the last 4 months yet no change. I'm beginning to give up.
I've tried ringing her, texting, email and even face to face chatting but it is just not happening. Would rather spend time with her boyfriend.
It just seems like a waste of 6 years as it seems they meant nothing to her.
It just seems to be the end of everything.
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Postby singingsmiler » Mon May 23, 2005 2:04 pm

Don't see it as the waste of six years - not everyone has friendships that last that long!
Unfortunately certain people become very insular when they get a bf and is seems this is what has happened here. You obviously really care about your friend and i don't think she appreciates how lucky she is to have you.

As you seem to have tried your best - i suggest you spend time on the people who have time for you - that's what you deserve lovely. Don't write your friend off - it wouldn't surprise me if she changed her mind soon but don't worry yourself now - you have done more than enough.

I guess you're feeling hurt and let down which is understandable but you do have other friends you can have fun with.Go uot have a laugh and don't let this get you down.

Hugs
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Postby nothings_shocking » Mon May 23, 2005 7:25 pm

I do really care about my friend, i care about all my friends. The thing is i just don't undersand. She makes her friend choose between her and her boyfriend as she is not spending enough time with her friends, but she is just being a hippocrite! She is just doing exactly what she doesn't like.
We used to be so close, we used to share everything and have girlie chats. I grew up with her, she is my longest friendship (moved a lot whilst growing up).
It just upsets me that our friendship means nothing and she now thinks she is better then the rest of us.
It just really hurts as i have forgiven her for so much in the past and i have stuck by her and her decisions and it just feels that, that means nothing.
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Postby singingsmiler » Tue May 24, 2005 9:26 am

Hey lovely,
It is really gutting when people seem to give up on us hey? You are understandably angry. I don't think your friend would think that your friendship means nothing and would probably be qite shocked if you put it to her in that way.

I can't give you a quick fix solution but if you can - ride out this patch your friend is in - i'm sure she will see sense soon.

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Postby JennaXXX » Tue May 24, 2005 11:43 am

You said that if you give up on this friend then you have wasted 6 years of friendship...Have you ever thought that you could be wasting the next 6 years of your life if you stick with her?
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