A bit of a problem with a situation with a friend.

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A bit of a problem with a situation with a friend.

Postby PixelDust » Sun May 29, 2005 12:41 am

This is difficult for me.
Where to begin.

Ok, a little bit of background to this might help.

I am in a long term relationship that has been going on for 8 years.
We share a number of mutual friends (mostly male), some I talk to more than he does, some the other way.

One of the hobbies that we share involves acting out a character on a long term basis. The character that I play is in a relationship with one of our mutual friends. During the course of playing this character, I obviously talked to this friend of ours a lot over the time and we have become good friends. He was the sort of friend I could talk over nearly anything with and he helped me during a time of serious depression that I was going through. We are also friends with his wife who is involved in the same hobby. She currently is pregnant with their first child though and is therefore taking part in the hobby less.

However, a couple of weeks ago, the male friend of ours got very drunk and did something very inappropriate. He started hugging me, kissed my back and running his hands over my behind. He then said that he was going to go to bed with me. (We were not playing our characters at this time and even if we had, nothing like this had happened before) My fiance was over the other side of the place we were in and my friends wife was not out with us. I tried not to make a scene but pulled away from him. I think I was successful in not trying to bring attention to it since my fiancee did not even say anything about it later. If he had any idea he would probably hurt the other man.

The next day, my friend claims that he cannot remember a single thing that happened that night.

I told him some time later about what he did and he was completely distraught. He told me that he loved his wife and would not ever want to do anything to jeapodise his marriage. He said that he had never thought of me in that way but only as a good friend and it would never happen again.

I would like to remain friends with him but I am finding myself confused on how to act with him. I have seen him once since the incident and have tried to act how everything was before, but it feels very awkward. I don't want anything to happen to my friend nor his wife, nor their relationship. But I find myself half anxious but half flattered for the attention. Now I am completely aware that the enjoying the flattery is mostly because I have had any attention like that from other men other than my fiance for a while but I need to find a way to move on from the incident so that everything can become easier to deal with. I find myself dwelling on the incident which is not helping.

Can anyone help? Most of my friends know the man and his wife and so looking for advice their becomes difficult.
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Postby madcow » Sun May 29, 2005 8:54 am

Ive never heard of that hobby before, first time for everything i suppose!
Ok, this guy was obviusly very drunk, and if he has always been such a good friend before it honestly does sound like a totally random outburst. On the other hand, if you had let him carry on and returned his advances would you have ended up sleeping together? Would he have remembered that? but you didnt, so its not an issue.
You really need to move on, it was a mistake and if your good enough friends as you say you are soon it will be fine. I woudnt make it an issue or you might lose a good friend over something silly.
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Postby arwen » Tue May 31, 2005 11:36 am

He was drunk to the point of having absolutely no recollection of what happened. Inappropriate as it was, nothing happened and you've no reason to feel guilty. You did the right thing.
He was horrified when he heard what happened and regrets what he did.

Put it behind you. Nothing happened, he was extremely drunk and there's no point burdening your partner with something that didn't have any meaning.

You might want to suggest gently that this friend watches how much he drinks in future though.
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