Please take the trouble to read this I really need some help

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Please take the trouble to read this I really need some help

Postby minir » Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:51 pm

My friend Rita* and I have known each other for a really long time, and since we got into the senior school, she has become really popular, however, I am disliked by the people she is friends with. I am not at all popular at school, I only have Rita* and other people i know through her, and though she is my best friend at school, i am not hers, but we still got on well.

Because she has so many friends, she is often used as a confidant for people, me included, and she also confided in me. However, lately we have been arguing quite a bit, especially this week.

On monday, in one of our lessons, she announced a secret I had told her to a group of people we were sitting with, and though it wasn't a big secret, I still did not want it spread around the class. I got quite cross with her, and we had a talk about it, and she apologised to me, (which is something she does not do very often, because she has an annoying tendency to assume she is right all the time) and said she would be more careful in future.

The next day, she was asking me to tell her something which i told her, on the strict understanding that she would not tell anyone else, as somebody else in our class (jenny*) could have become upset by it. She said she wouldn't but a bit later jenny* came up to me, and told me that Rita* had told her and blamed me for saying something I didn't. And said she had asked Rita* if it was me, and she had not denied it.

When I asked Rita* she got really cross with me, and we had a really big arguement. We stopped talking until a mutual friend from out of school got us to talk over MSN, but we started saying a lot of stuff completely off the main arguement to each other, which I don't think we meant to say, even if it us true. So we left the conversation worse then when we had started it.

The next day at school I was all on my own for the whole day and she blanked me the whole time, apart from one very vicious comment at the beginning of the day, which i just ignored.

Another problem is that when we argue, she becomes VERY patronising condesending and hypocritical, which just antagonises me further. I do not know what to do, because most people would just say talk it out, but we tried that and things got worse.

I don't even know if I want to be friends with her when she completely betrayed my trust twice in 3 days, and said so many hurtful comments. However I am scared that if I loose her for a friend I will have a very bad and lonely time at school, as I already have more friends who are teachers, or in my older sisters year then in my own, which can sometimes be good, because I can have a proper conversation without all the witching of my year, (however I am going off the point).

I really don't know what to do, and how to resolve this problem, please help, because I don't know what to do.
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Postby luvva » Fri Jun 17, 2005 11:44 pm

I think you just need to have a frank talk with your friend. Try not to let it get to an argument, and if you see it getting to that point, back off a bit and wait until you calm down, as that wont help at all.

You need to explain to her how you feel. She is a really good friend of yours, and when you tell her private things, it is on the understanding that it is kept secret. When she told other people the private things you have said, she betrayed your trust massively.

She has to know that as her friend, you expect there to be trust between you, and you do want to tell her things and share your problems, but if you are worried that other people may also find out your secretc, you're not going to want to tell her.

You just have to tell her how you feel. I think the way she is acting is very wrong, if she knows something is private, it should be kept that way.

Hope everything goes okay x
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I think you need out

Postby rainbow-fairy » Sat Jun 18, 2005 12:30 pm

Hiya,

I think you need to back away from your so called friend, I know you get on well most of the time but when people are in this big circle of friends there will always be backstabbing and witching and somebody will always be on the receiving end of it.

I think you need to try and make your own circle of friends as you say you dont particarly get on with hers anyway, i always find having 1 mutual friend is always the best thing for a lasting friendship and maybe then you will find you can be more civil to each other eventually, good luck in your decision :)

Take care Rainbow x

To my best friend *rolleyesheart* I love you *grinningheart*
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Postby Liquidius » Sat Jun 18, 2005 5:57 pm

I think you need to back away. You've already explained to her that what she's doing is hurting you. She hasn't taken a blind bit of notice, so for now, its time to leave it alone.

A little bit of distance can go a long way in a friendship!
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Postby JennaXXX » Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:40 am

She doesn't sound very trustworthy at all. You should be able to tell friends anything without it going any further. Let her know that her behaviour is not on.
You can find new friends by joining an after school club. You need proper friends not ones that spread your secrets and betray your trust.
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Postby minir » Mon Jun 20, 2005 3:18 pm

Thanks for all the advice! This is all really upsetting me, cos i really don't like arguing, but i'm trying not to let it show, because if i just look moody and miserable etc, then people will say i'm sulking and talk about me behind my back!

We had another huge arhuement the other day, and now are really not talking. We sat next to each other for a double lesson (cos there were no other seats!) and did not say a single word to each other.

The last comment from Jenna made me laugh a bit, not cos its not great advice! It is! its just that the reason i don't have to many friends at school, is that I go to lots of after school clubs, or lunch time clubs, and never have time to keep up with all the gossip or whatever. I practically LIVE in the music departement at my school!

Anyway, during the last arguement she said a lot of thnigs that really hurt, so I basically told her to go away, cos i didn't want to talk to her right at that moment (this was over msn btw), and every time we stopped talking/typing, she started it up again with some nasty remark, which was totaly out of order.

I'm not sure there is anything else I can do, because it seems to have come to a stop. Basically just not friends any more. But I don't want to leave it that way. I'm not going to apologize because she is in the wrong, I just wish she could admit it for once. I know that she knows she is in the wrong, because when we first argued about it, she basically acknowledged what i was saying was true, and she is now saying she didn't do anything!

If anyone can think of something that can help, because i really don't want to leave things like this. but i honsetly don't think there is.

Luv u all!
MiniR
xxx
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Postby Liquidius » Mon Jun 20, 2005 7:39 pm

Although you don't want to - I think you both need some time to cool off. Your friendship might not be completely ruined, but right now you're both too angry to be friends :) Space is a good thing.
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Postby JennaXXX » Tue Jun 21, 2005 8:35 am

I agree. In your circumstances space would be a good thing. It sounds as if you all need that.
Why dont you try becoming better friends with the people in your school clubs? Invite them out at the weekend or something?
Also I just want to point out that although this situation is really frustrating it will not last forever. You can take steps to improve it.
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Postby minir » Wed Jun 22, 2005 7:40 pm

Thank you all so much for your advice. We didn't talk for a few days, and thankfully, she started talking to me again, we've made up. And though I'm not gonna say anything it'l be a while b4 i trust her again, this is good for now, and makes things much easier to live with!

Space was exactly what we both needed, but one thing that I didn't take into account is that although she really hurt me, she's actualy quite a nice girl inside!

Thanks again,

Minir
xXx
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Hiya

Postby rainbow-fairy » Mon Jun 27, 2005 10:49 am

Hiya,

I'm really pleased you and your friend sorted things out, sometimes in life we make mistakes without even realising it.
Heres to your new understanding friendship =D>

Cya Rainbow xx
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