Please help me - I'm at my witts end.

[X_Smiler_X]

I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Myself and my partner are currently living with my parents and my brother.
My brother has always been very violent and unpredictable. He's forever slamming doors and stomping about when he doesn't get his own way, and is extremely verbally abusive. He's 19, and expects everything to go in his favour, and if it doesn't, all hell breaks loose.

My partner can't bare him, neither can I. My parents constantly let him get away with things because they just don't like confrontation. And I strongly believe that is why he's the way he is - he has no job, doesn't pay my mum keep - all he does is play computer games and give people grief.
My partner and I pay my mum keep, do things around the house, and are in no way abusive like he is.
Yesterday, my partner and I got home from work to find £60 missing from our bedroom (he has recently sold his car and got a good amount for it, and my brother knows this) so we instantly assumed it was him that took it - he's at home all day and does nothing else...but I can't accuse without proof, so I set up a little trap today before I went to work...all I did was put a cushion behind my bedroom door, so if it was opened, the cushion would be on the other side of the room...

Today, I get home for my lunch break, and the cushion was on the other side of the room...and things had been moved from where I left them. I go downstairs and ask him if he's been in the bedroom and if he can explain why money has gone missing. He shouts at me, very nastily, throws things at me, says he doesn't care about my baby and to get out of the house. He then spits in my face, and goes to hit me.
I was physically shaken up by this, because I'm so worried for my unborn baby's welfare. My partner is fuming, and I'm still in tears.

To make things worse, my mum calls me an accuses me of causing trouble...this is always the case, because he, in her eyes, does no wrong... why can't she see?

What do I do guys? I've just had enough and I can't take anymore. I don't want my baby to ever be in the atmosphere of my brother, and as far as I'm concerned, he will never be my baby's uncle. I hate him, as strong as that sounds, I do.

Please help.

[LemonJuice87]

The only thing i can suggest is you and your partner start looking for somewhere else to live. I know it's not easy at the moment, but it would be best in the long run, espeacially now there's going to be a child involved.

Then when you do find somewhere, move out and let them get on with it. Eventually your Mum will see your brother for his true colours.

[Beckie]

I agree! You're pregnant and you don't need to be in that kind of environment. The sooner you find another place to live the better! Aside from the threats of violence you are now £60 down, and theres nothing you can do about it.. you're having a baby; you need your money and if he would take it from you that in itself shows how selfish he really is...

Don't say you're moving because of your brother, just explain the two of you want to live together as a family and stand on your own two feet; no arguments, and you don't have to live with the brother anymore. One of these days your mum will realise exactly what he's really like for herself!

xx

[X_Smiler_X]

Thanks for your replies. The thing is, the only reason I'm living at my mums with my partner is because we want to be together during my pregnancy. We aren't there for any other reason, and trust me, if we could afford our own place, we would have been out months ago.
The only thing we can do is wait for the baby to be born, then hope to be rehoused by the council. If not, we're stuffed really aren't we?

[brfc]

hey x_smiler_x just read your problem and as i found out when i was looking for a place for me and my partner the only way the council will rehouse you is if your parents write you a note saying there throwing you out. the best place to go is the citizens advice burex theyll advice on housing aand benefits you can aapply for to help you out a bit. let me know if you need anymore help take care hun brfc xx

[Beckie]

Well just till the baby is born, maybe you could try get a lock put on your bedroom door or a locked box to keep your money in? apart from that you could just literally avoid your brother all of the time; theres no reason why you even have to be in the same room. If there is anything you need to confront him about at any point, get a friend or relative to be there with you when you do, for both your protection and the baby.

I'd still say get out as soon as you can, but if you really want to be with your mum for now there are ways to distance yourself from your brother !

<3

[X_Smiler_X]

Thanks for all replies.

My partner suggested putting a lock on the bedroom door, and I'm quite happy to do that. Will look at doing that at the weekend and hope something comes of it.

I'm' a bit worried - this row was literally a blazing row whereby the shouting must have been some decibells!! It was ridiculously loud, and I'm just worried the baby may have been harmed in any way? I can't help but worry, and this is exactly why I know we need to get out of there sharpish. I actually had to have a few sips of wine before calming down a bit...that's how bad it was. I feel guilty

It isn't that I want to be with my Mum - It's a roof over our heads, but I'm not sure I want to continue with living there.

[brfc]

It isn't that I want to be with my Mum - It's a roof over our heads, but I'm not sure I want to continue with living there.

think a trip down the cab to explain the situation you are in might be worth it. they can let you know how you stand as regard new accomodation for u your partner and little 1 to be. seems like living at home is ok short term but for your own welfare and your babys it might be better if you could find somewere else to live.

[Sussexlady]

This is horrific. The boy is an abuser, let's call a spade a spade, and violent with it.

If it was your partner who was treating you like this, the authorities would do something, make him leave or give you emergency accommodation.

Spitting on someone is technically physical assault. Stealing your money is theft.

I think if you had called the police on both ocassions your brother might be made to see the error of his ways. The fact is, he carries on with his abuse because nobody is stopping him.

I just pity your poor parents when you leave.

Really, they should throw him out right now, but I doubt they will.

I disagree strongly that you should pretend you are moving out for other reasons: you should tell your parents squarely that you are hastening to leave because of your brother. WHy cover up for him after all he has done?

People put up with far too much just because someone is a blood relation, and abusers know it.

Had he been a lodger he would have been thrown out by now.