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my brother is melodramatic

PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:28 am
by stellar
Hi there,

My problem is to do with my older brother who is 30. I am 23. Growing up we were quite close and he would spend hours with me and we would just generally have a laugh. However, recently, all he does is bring me down. In the past three years he has had 3 relationships, all of them with women who from an outsiders point of view, I could tell were no good (I never tell him this until the relationship is over). The problem is, whenever he argues with a girlfriend, he phones me or turns up to my house in tears, saying he's going to end his life etc. The first time he did this it really upset me, obviously I don't want my brother to die, but I later heard from a mutual friend that after he did this he went down to the pub and was laughing and joking with his mates! It obviously really really annoyed me! To put me through all of that, just to shrug it off afterwards.

Today he has obviously had a row with this latest woman he is with and I know he wants to come over and cry and threaten suicide again, but to be honest I don't really want him to. I love him but I can't put up with this behaviour, because it makes me feel like rubbish. Also, I can't abide his suicide threats when he has everything to live for. It is so selfish when there are people who would give anything for his life! He has a good job, a nice car, and a nice house!

It probably doesn't help that he and mum don't have the best relationship, but she's just fed up with his behaviour too. If only he could understand that and just listen to us, it would be so much better. But even if you give him the best advice he still won't take it!

A few years ago a long term relationship of my own came to an end, and instead of comforting me, he dropped me off at our mum's and just left me! Not very brotherly behaviour huh! He just seems so selfish and self involved! What can I do? Should I confront him? Should I tell him I don't want anything to do with it? Or should I just put up and shut up?

Advice?


Thanks

PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 12:29 pm
by Moose
Hi Stellar,
I think I'm a bit late replying to this, but I'll assume it's still happening, unless your bro has suddenly changed his ways!

Maybe it is a brother thing. My brother is also older than me by three and a half years (I'm same as age you) and he is so completely self involved it's almost untrue. He thinks he's the only one who's got problems, he's the only one who works full time, the only one who feels low sometimes etc .... and there's no telling him otherwise. We are expected to just go with his moods - if he's in a nice funny mood then that's all okay, but if not, everyone had better watch out and definitely not question anything he says.

Your brother sounds like he does take things very badly when he has a row with a girlfriend, and when he comes to see you saying he wants to die, he may well really mean he feels like he wants to die, without really thinking how that sort of comment is going to affect you. If you have a good relationship with your brother generally (I don't) and you see each other outside the times when he's crying at you, maybe you could speak to him about how his behaviour makes you feel at a time when you're just relaxing together and he isn't highly strung. You can be specific and mention your own relationship breakdown and how he acted then. He's more likely to take it on board then, and if he's in a rational mood he might take time to think about how he acts generally. If he doesn't, or you don't think the talking approach would work, maybe you should make a change in your own mind, and decide that when he does come round crying and threatening suicide, you don't need to take it literally: he isn't going to kill himself, certainly not while he's with you talking it through with you, and it's just something that he says when he's upset.

One thing is obvious though - he does value you as a sister, even if he does have an annoying way of showing it!