Rejection Hurts :'(

[Googy Egg]

Hello everyone I'm new here and I was just hoping to get this all off my chest...

I come from quite a "dysfunctional" family and I have been is quite a lot of pain over the last few years because of the total rejection of me by my sister and mother.

My mum has always been disinterested in all 3 of us (myself plus one bro and one sis) and so the fact that she always forgot my birthdays and never called me is pretty much to be expected... I got really angry with her approx 2 years ago for never coming to see me or showing any interest in me - so now she refuses to speak to me at all It's sort of funny if you think it over... but I do wish my mum loved me.

Anyway... the most recent problem is concerning my elder sister (She is 33) She got married about 5 years ago and has since had 2 children - she never calls me either btw.
Anyway, I have always wanted to have a close relationship with her so I went to her wedding - paid over $700 for bridesmaid dress and cash loan which she asked me to bring for her on the day (I paid for her bridemaid dress at my wedding) - paid for both.

Long story short she has never paid back the loan she asked me for which is not that big of a deal really except that she has tried to get rid of me too, I went to see her in the hospital after she had her first baby - only to be ignored - seriously IGNORED in the hospital room - I was not even permitted to hold the baby.

When her second baby was born she didn't even bother to ring me and tell me!

In spite of these things I have continued to try - mostly because I wanted to see my nephews...

I called her up to ask if I could come over for a visit - I spoke to her husband who said "it was fine" if I stopped by the next day - I drove 40mins to her house with my young stepdaughters only to have my sister get angry and tell me that I needed to call her first before I came over! She and her husband secreted the new baby away into the back of the house and then proceeded to just chat to eachother in the kitchen - Ignoring me.

I was extremely upset.

I didn't speak to her again - or ever intend to until our younger brother was admitted to hospital and we had to share a car 6 hours to collect him - I did not confront her, and we had a fairly good time on the long drive. (Mum refused to collect our younger brother from the hospital or even speak to him - would have been only a one hour drive for her)

So then I think everything's ok.

So I get her a gift for her birthday a few weeks later and remembering to call ahead go over to see her... I go. And she proceeds to insult me by offering to hook me up with one of her husband's friends - I have been with my current partner as long as she has been with hers and she knows this. Then because I am still trying and want things to be nice so I offer to help her out by cleaning her house ( I should mention I am a professional housecleaner + she works fulltime and has 2 kids under 3) To which her husband pipes up and say really nastily "What do you mean by that b*tch?"

So I am back to not speaking to her again.

Gawd - What do you guys think?
I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this - I get too upset.
As it stands now I just can't have anything more to do with her - she is like poison.
I think it might be partly due to her husband because with her last boyfriend she and I had a fairly stable relationship.
Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks.

[gatekeeper]

From what you've said, I think you've tried hard enough to mend the relationship. She clearly does not appreciate your efforts so maybe you should just get on with your own life. Sad, but I suppose that's the only thing you can do until she learns to appreciate your efforts.

What about your brother? Is he the same too? Is there a reason you're not trying to keep in contact with him?

[Googy Egg]

Thanks for replying - it means a lot to me.

My brother lives approx 6hrs from me. He is even more upset about this situation than I am. His depression over mum not wanting to speak to him is part of the reason he was hospitalised.

I've told him everytime about what our sister has said and done and he just can't believe it.
He still goes over to see her when he is down, apparently she is not rude to him - at least to his face... The few times I have been to see her she and her husband have made mention that they didn't particularly want him around.
But he has a baby too - but I also have stepdaughters - I just don't get it. Unless she is rude to him but he doesn't notice it?

[stellar]

Hi, sorry to hear about your family situation! It reminds a bit of my own family where I am not very close with my sister, as a consequence we no longer have any contact at all.

I know it's sad but I really think you need to just walk away and forget about her. She clearly is not a very nice person and does not appreciate the effort you have made to try and be friendly. I have gone through many years of trying to be friends with my sister only for her to throw it back in my face every time, and in the end I got fed up and gave up. At first I was very hurt to be rejected by her, after all, blood is thicker than water right? But in the end I think I have done the right thing, by taking her out of my life I have taken out a whole lot of stress, tears and depression.

You sound as if you have a loving partner and a nice little family of your own to concentrate on, and make sure history doesn't repeat itself. You sound like a lovely, giving person, so forget about your ungrateful sister and give your love to those who deserve it.

[gatekeeper]

There are so many reasons why they don't wish to be rude to his face. But it'll be hard for him to believe that they're rude to you because she's civil to him. Like I said, it's almost no point speculating why she's behaving this way. One reason I could think of now is that she's jealous of you.

But if your brother's depressed and all, than maybe you should call him instead of her, try supporting him in whatever way possible. It'll be almost impossible to visit each other because of distance so just call him regularly to keep in touch. Maybe don't keep telling him about your sister because
1. He can't believe it if she's civil to him.
2.It's not going to do him any good, probably adds on to his problems.
3. Makes you more upset, stops you from forgiving her and moving on.

If she's just going to be jealous, sulk there and not talk to you than let her be. You've done your part, all you can do is wait for her to respond.