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Stuck in the middle...

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:08 pm
by jenvidler
vmm

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 3:59 pm
by morris mouse
jenvidler wrote: Part of me feels like I am being deceitful because I am lying but part of me feels like I am supporting my half sister in this because she depends on me. Even though my half sister is my blood I still feel close to me 'real' sisters and feel as if I am letting them down.


Hello,"jenvidler"

After reading your problem,I'm really concerned for you.
I can understand why you feel that you're stuck in the middle :(

Also,you decided to lie,to protect your half sister (she had told you that
she didn't want anyone to know that she was pregnant)

Yet,in doing that you've created a rather difficult situation for yourself. :(
(you feel that you have to continue to lie,so that you "don't give anything
away")

I honestly feel that it would be better if you "come clean" & admit (as soon
as possible!!!) that you've been lying. This,in turn,would get rid of your
guilty feelings :)

Also,explain why you've been lying.I'm sure
that you're other sisters would understand.

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2008 11:30 pm
by 55555
hi jenvidler,

i'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I was in a situation similar to you my older sister lchose to tell me she was pregnant again and no other family members including my other sister. my sister lost the baby and since then she's relied on me for everything i'm not complaing but she's turned me into a door mat. I hope you had a chance to grieve aswell as you were affected to, i felt i had to be strong and get my sister through it but in doing so for 8 months i made myself ill.

It's a horrible situation but you need to ask yourself two things:
1. what is best for you?
2. why do you feel that either your sisters would judge (sorry if thats the wrong word) or your half sister would judge?

Either way it's all going to come out as she'll be showing soon etc. Try explaining that you don't keep things from your sisters and that you can't understand why she doesn;t want to be part of the unit that is you and your sisters.

You need to get rid of your guilt otherwise it'll only keep affecting you. i've been there and had weeks of sleepless nights, and depression. it sounds silly but it can get that bad.

Just do whats right for you sweet heart.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:31 pm
by Bel Bel
The thing is you could have said you were talking to your half sister without telling the sisters that she was pregnant
When it came out if anyone asked you could have said she swore you to secracy, I don't think that's unreasonable. In fact you will still need to tell them that if they find out you already knew
You could ask your half sister not to tell them how long you've known just that she has already told you. T
ell the half sister you feel awkward as you are stuck in the middle.
Hopefully the baby may bring people closer together again.
The other thing is everyone deals with grief differently and your sister may not have wanted to see your half sister as she didn't know what to say. However she could have sent flowers or sent a card and if she did none of these things I can understand why your half sister is agrieved to be honest.
You just need to be firm and say you won't take sides, listen to gossip or negative opinions or tell secrets about the others but you want to be friends with everyone. In other words if they don't have something nice to say tell them to say nothing. You don't need to act as a go between. If they want to know how the half sister is tell them to pick up the phone and ask her.