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i can't stand him anymore

PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2008 11:53 pm
by 55555
I don't want this to come across as being selfish but i can't stand my sisters boyfriend anymore!!!!

they've been together for nearly ten years and have a child. I live with them and work for them and he is the most arrogant, obnoxious bloke ever (honestly you need to meet him). i went through a hard time with my x and due to falling out with my parents moved in with my sister. that was two years ago and i'm still there although my relationship with my parents is fantastic now he makes me feel like i owe him the world when i don't owe him anything

Firstly i know he's cheated on my sister atleast 4 times, 3 right under her nose by that i mean in ther business!!! i know more fool her but she doesn't want to be a single parent and i can understand that. when she isn't around he always comments on other women and once said to me if he was younger he'd be all over me in front of my sister.

secondly he speaks to people like a piece of rubbish he brought in on his shoe, he's pathetic. one incident really hurt and that was recently. my sister lost her baby during pregnancy and she really gave up on life, he had a go at her the other day and she explained she should have a baby now and it hurts to which his reply was 'get over it, or do you want me to go buy you a doll.'

that brings me to my third point he doen't care about anyones feelings especially my sisters. when my niece died last year my sister just wanted to get on with her life and he took photos of my dead niece on his phone and showed them around to people. my sister found these photos that i had been begging him to delete just before christmas and now she is losing it.

i've tried telling my sister, but she won't listen and says it's just what he's like!! it's got to a point where i feel like just packing my bags and leaving one night but i know how hard it would be and couldnot do it to my sister.

This leads me onto me and my selfish thought. for the past two years i've been there for them both whether it's looking after their child or making sure there business runs smoothly and because of this i have no life. i've become a door mat. i know it's only my fault but it's all down to him never wanting to babysit his child and sooner sitting on the internet gambling.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:39 am
by PurePurple
First of all well done for posting here and trying to do something about it =D>.

You really need to get someone to nail it into your sister's head what is going on, or pull her out of there yourself with her child and you.

This can't go on anymore, Because it's going to get to the point where it will get so out of hand and there will probably be a feud between the 3 of you. He must know it's wrong within marriage to cheat, Or even say to you he'd be all over you if he was younger. I hope you get this sorted.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:59 pm
by sunshine girl
This is a difficult situation to be in as I appreciate that you want to protect your sister and want what is best for her and her child but at the end of the day she is an adult and is entitled to remain with her boyfriend if that is her choice. You can only be responsible for you and if living with this man is making you seriously unhappy then I think you have to do something about it.

It sounds to me like this man is a nasty piece of work and I’m not sure that there is much you can say or do to change him so I think your only real option is to remove yourself from the situation and that means finding a new job and somewhere else to live.

You said your relationship with your parents had improved lately, is it possible to move back in with them in the short term whilst you search for another job? If not is there a friend or another relative who could help you out in the short term?

I know you don’t want to leave your sister but all the time you are compensating for this man and making her life bearable it may never get so bad that she gets the strength to leave. You know how people always say “you have to hit rock bottom”, perhaps you being there and helping her is stopping her from getting to that point? If you withdraw a bit whilst making it very clear that you love her and are still there for her, it may make her face up to what her life is really like and be the push she needs to get out of this relationship.

I can understand she doesn’t want to be a single parent but from the sounds of things she practically is already as her partner is providing her with no support and is in many ways making her life a lot worse.

I hope it works out for all of you.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:19 pm
by Bel Bel
I totally agree with sunshine girl on this one
Everything she said is spot on
Your sister choose him you didn't aso you shouldn't have to put up with him

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:33 pm
by HappyGoLucky
I agree with sunshine girl too.

Back off for a while but be there for your sister. It's not your fault and I don't think you should be their doormat any longer. She should realise how unbearable her life and what a horrible husband she has after you back off!

I also want to say your sister is very lucky to have such a caring sister like you are. Well done on trying to do something about it! =D> :D

Good luck.

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:40 pm
by 55555
thanks for all your replys you lot are brill. i think i might take a step back and leave her with him and their child and see what happens. you never know he might change or she might realise what he's like. thanks again x x x x