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Keeping My Mouth Shut

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:40 pm
by 55555
I live with my sistr and her partner and my nephew, I work for them in their business and really love my life except some things my sister does makes me really angry but because i want to keep peace i never say anything. sorry this is long but i wanna try and fill you in!!

On tuesday it was my friends birthday party and i had a few too many drinks and my sister was sat away from us chatting to a random bloke. She never spoke to anyone and was only really spekaing to this bloke. Maybe I should brief you with a bit bout last week to make you understand my view...basically this time last week my sister split with her partner and because he left i single handedly ran her business as well as in my spare time looked after my nephew. She told me that night that times were gonna get hard and we wood have to stand by each other which i did until sunday morning i was sat up worrying til 6am coz she never came home. I don;t think it was fair on me or my nephew so i told her which ended in a massive argument but as soon as she realised i wasn't speaking to her she turned nice again and i persumed we were ok.

My nephew went to our parents this week so her partner came back monday to sort things out (he was an absoloute knob at times but thats because he is depressed) and he has booked into a doctor to sort him out. Then on tuesday he has to sit watching my sister flirtin with this guy all night and even though i know he's cheated on my sister in the past i truley felt sorry for him coz my sister isn't like that. Plus she no longer speaks to our other sister coz she did the same thing just after her boyfriend died (flirted with loads of men).

When i went upstairs i was hammered and could tell my sister was looking for an argument so when she started talking about a member of our staff i told her my feelings for this member of staff and said i didn't trust them...this turned into a heated disscussion and i then told my sister a few home truths i.e.. she drinks too much even thou she suffers from diabetes and that she is lazy not doing anything to do with the business no more. Her reply was that ir i wasnm't living under her roof my nephew wood be at play school full time and that she would be doing all my shifts and that infact from monday she is doing four of my shifts! She then told me that i didn't like my nephew no more coz i never want to do anything for him.. This has really hurt me coz i love my nephew to bits and i know it's not true...every minute i have off is usually devoted to my nephew and when i have my 1 day in a fortnight off i spend it with my nephew taking him to the cinema etc...I just don't know where this comment came from.

The next morning i got up with a massive headache and couldn't remember anything she was storming around and ignoring me and i suddenly remembered what had happened and asked if we could talk about it she ignored me and as i had a day off i spent most of it avoiding home. I had her friends texting me saying i'd gone to far this time etc..but so had she. I'm really hurting and can't even bring myself to speak to her i wanted to move home but then i know my parents would feel they were taking a side. i don't have anyone i can really open up too except my family and sisters and i just feel like i wood be putting her out of her misery if i got up and left in the middle of the night i just don't like leaving her in the lurch. her friend told me she was hurt but that she didn't want me to go and if i fort that i was stupid but i fort people were honest when they are drunk??

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:37 pm
by peecee
No, me darling, people aren't always honest when they're drunk!! :-?

I'm not going to go through all the detail of your post, I just want to talk about one aspect of it and, hopefully, put your mind at rest.

I think you and your sister really love each other; but you're different people, so of COURSE you're going to have your differences - and it feels worse than falling out with a friend, because you feel you shouldn't ever fall out with someone related to you.

I have three brothers and one sister. I get on ok with the boys, but tbh, I can live without them. My sister, on the other hand - we have extreme highs and lows with each other. We've both said really horrible things under the influence, which we haven't meant, and have not even remembered the next day - things we would never dream of saying to people outside the family, however drunk we were. We've also given each other home truths while sober! We've supported each other through some very bad times, family stuff and work stuff, which the boys have simply let wash over them.

We've stayed friends, although sometimes it has been very hard. We don't always like what the other one says - if we weren't related, who knows whether or not we'd choose to be friends? We're very different people. And all siblings must wonder that at some time. But we know each other, and we know that we only want the best for each other - it's been part of a growing-up process.

So. Have you managed to speak to your sister yet? If not, go to her, say "we need to talk", and make her sit down with you. Tell her you're both grown-ups with different opinions, tell her if there's something you really need to get off your chest, and ask her if there's anything she needs to talk to you about. But make sure it's a discussion, not an argument.

Your friends come and go, me dear, but your sister - well...you'll watch each other's backs for life.

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pee

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:29 am
by Bel Bel
I agree with peecee but I think it is unhelathy to work and live together
Why don't you move back home and still work with her?

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:43 pm
by peecee
Well, I have a habit of rambling on and on and onzzzzz :oops: - but Bel Bel gets straight to the point!! :P

If I'd taken another half hour, I'd have eventually said "I DID mean all the above stuff - but IF my sister and I lived and/or worked together, we'd soon be beating each other about the heads with lumpy pillows".

As Bel Bel says, is there any way you could sort it so that you're not in each other's pockets all the time? It would make a massive difference to the way you both get on.

I'm going to shut up now. :wink:

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 12:41 pm
by Bel Bel
pecee I probabaly would have rambled too if you hadn't beaten me to it. :lol: