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Jealousy

PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2003 9:17 pm
by hazel-eyes
Hey,

My sister is 11 and I think she's brill but recently I've begun to be compared against her (I'm 17) by my grandparents, my nan is always pushing her too hard with her violin and saying she's really talented at music, but she has never once praised me like that when it comes to anything let alone music and I've played the recorder, guitar, flute and I still sing. I'm not so much jealous of my sister, but annoyed at my grandparents as they tend to think she's amazing and all I get is 'Don't talk to me like that young lady'

I'm beginning to find it really hard not to turn against my sister over it all. I live with my parents and my grandparents and I have a hard time getting along with my nan although she doesn't know it.
Any suggestions on how I can stop myself from being horrible to my sister, as I know it isn't her fault!?

PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2003 6:24 pm
by teenager with problems
hey i no wot its like i have 1 older brother hu is congratulated on his academic acheivements, 3 younger sisters hu are complimented on their stunnin good looks and cuteness. Then theres mi not good at both academic work or physical appearance and qualities. There seems to be nothing for anyone to compliment me on. Every now and again you want someone to say something positive about you wethers it a new hair style or a gold medal. saying something positive may such a difference on someones self confidence and esteem. I soon realised that it wasnt my siblings fault they were getting attention they didnt seek it or ask for it, but that stil didnt mean they should get all of it, i started to agree with my parents when they complimented my siblings this made me feel better and then my siblings complimented me back. Thats the only thing i can suggest to help. Good luck. x

Jealousy

PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2003 4:39 pm
by mixed up chick
hey
U hafta look at da big picture maybe all ur sister is complimented to make her feel betta cos ur family fink she isnt very self confident, and dey fink u r. So rlly they do fink alot of u and think dat ur great bt maybe they fink they dnt hafta tell u cos u knw how good u r and u already hav alot of self confidence. maybe u shld talk 2 ur mum/dad/nan and explain dat sumtimes u wld like 2 get sum credit 4 da work u do. they will soon realise that they havnt been noticin u as much and all the good fings u hav dun.
Goodluck!

Same problem

PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2003 9:53 pm
by Daftness2k3
Yeah,I got the same problem, but I just tend to ignore it. Weird, I know, but you tend to get used to it, really.
I know I got criticised by my family for going to a smaller university, so some of the distant relations seemed to downplay my degree. And I know whenever a relation comes to visit I tend to get left to myself a lot of the time, while the attention focuses on my sister cos she looks like Catherine Zeta Jones,apparently. Even my parents commented on how bad it must be for me when relations visit, cos I get the ghost treatment!

hmmmm

PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:20 am
by Zombie
I was on and am still kinda on the other side of that fence my brother didnt do to well with things school work and generaly life as a result i was pushed to be "better" at things than him my parents seen me as there last chance to have a "sucessful child" and because i was my brother used to beat on me pretty bad. The fact is you are probably well respected within your family and perhaps you are of an age where you should be over, worrying about what your nan thinks!

PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2003 1:13 am
by sovs
I dont think it would be fair to blame it on your sister as its not her fault.
The trouble with little brothers and sisters is they always get treated the best, i know, im a little sis (thats what me bruv calls me) to even though im almost 19. I have a son and decided to only have him as i want him to have the best in life and never feel left out.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2003 6:04 pm
by pretty_in_pink
hmmm.i know what you mean. i've bin there. my sis is 4 yrs younger than me and sometimes she constantly get praised and its like :"ummm.hi, yeah, hello? remember me? yeah i also exist and have feelings." ](*,)
Luckily 4 me(and hopefully 4 u aswell), it was just when i focus onthat when it looks that bad and i realised, it is the otherway round sometimes aswell. It is hard when this happens but hopefully u will c that i dont happen as often as it seems.
i hope i'm right and have helped.
luv ya all!
k. \:D/

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:52 pm
by Fidel
Well I'm in the opposite position.
Im a guitarist and my other relatives, not my parents, are always pushing me. My uncle Igor always asks why i havent played a gig yet in a serious tone. My brother Andriy is treated like proleteriat - he wants to play guitar but no-one can be bothered buying him one or getting him lessons so i have to do it.
It's unfair on both sides
U can talk to ur grandmother but she won't listen - old people are stubborn.
Don't let it bother u. Music although i love it gets the minority somewhere. the rest just do it as a hobby. Careers, politics, academia are more important

Vaherly minko

Vlad

Re: Same problem

PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2003 10:10 pm
by Dawn
Daftness2k3 wrote:Yeah,I got the same problem, but I just tend to ignore it. Weird, I know, but you tend to get used to it, really.
I know I got criticised by my family for going to a smaller university, so some of the distant relations seemed to downplay my degree. And I know whenever a relation comes to visit I tend to get left to myself a lot of the time, while the attention focuses on my sister cos she looks like Catherine Zeta Jones,apparently. Even my parents commented on how bad it must be for me when relations visit, cos I get the ghost treatment!


It's exactly the same with my sister and me. She's beautiful, and people always seem to compare her to pretty dark-haired celebrities! I accept that she's so good-looking, but I have to admit I do find it difficult sometimes as I just pale into insignificance whenever she's around. I mostly dread family occassions because of this, as I always seem to be ignored, whilst my sister gets wolf whistles, compliments, the lot. I end up trying to hide in a corner most of the time! My parents are the same-there was a wedding a few months ago, and when we got the photos back they kept saying how much my sister looks like Liz Hurley, but said nothing about me. I'm just the plain little sister really, the complete opposite-I'm very pale and petite, whilst my sister has stunning bone structure, is curvy and tanned.

It's really hard not to be jealous of her looks, and her life in general-she got engaged two years ago, been with her fiance for nearly nine years and they've just bought a house together. She's got a first-class degree (which she worked hard for, admittedly), and a well-paid job she enjoys. She can drive, and spends most of her weekends shopping! I have none of that at all-no boyfriend, I'm studying for a degree now but know I won't get a first, I failed my driving test and gave up (stupidly). Also, I find it difficult to keep a boyfriend as I don't really want to get to that stage where they'll meet my sister and get to see how much prettier she is! I know I'm being stupid, and most of the time I can deal with it as we both have our own lives, but whenever there's a family occasion or something, it does really get to me!

same thing different relative

PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2003 10:55 pm
by Irish Rose
I have a cousin, and we have ALWAYS been compared, right from when we were little (she is a month younger than me)

everyone thought her long red hair and freckles was really cute when she was younger, whereas i had really dark curly hair that used to break brushes just by using them! i'm also pretty pale too.

when we got to about ten, yeah - my hair was a lot longer and strainghter now, and i was slim but she was wearing really trendy clothes, while i still looked like c**p beside her. We started going to drama lessons together at the local dance and drama school, but then her parents decided that she could start tap dancing. I always wanted to dance, but my parents didn't have the time or money to spare. Soon she was doing tap, jazz, irish (that is the one i REALLY wanted to do), modern, and joined the choir. you see, she is also blessed with a beautiful voice, while i sound like a strangled cat.

when we got a bit older still she got loads of boyfriends and became really outgoing and popular, whereas i had loads of friends but was still not considered to be "cool"

One thing that i was always better at was art. Until she took it for GCSE's and showed that she was better than me at that too - or maybe she just has a simpler, more cartoony style that looks more effective - i don't know.

When we left school, although i got much better GCSE's than her, she went on to do a course at college in art and design. i couldn't do that because i didn't take it for GCSE's. so, i'm doing a national diploma in animal management instead. I'm doing a degree next year, and i'm STILL getting compared.

I really do like my cousin despite all this. After all, we are the same age and grew up together... I just feel like she's has had so much more chances than me to do stuff, and seems to get everything so easily while i have to work really hard for it.

Even now, she is a slim pretty girl with auburn hair who can make lads fall at her feet, is pretty well paid at mcdonalds (where i absolutely REFUSE to work), and is inundated with friends who live near her - mine are scattered all over the country, as the college we go to is in the middle of nowhere.

Everytime i get jealous, i try to think of something that i can do that is better than her, and the only thing i have is that i am better academically (sp?) Well, maybe one day i'll get over it, and our mums (they are sisters) will stop comparing us.

So this is my advice to you - Hazel eyes. Every time that people say how much better your sister is than you, try to think of something about yourself that your sister might be jealous of - after all, it is a very natural emotion, and there is bound to be something - perhaps the fact that you can play more instruments, and better?

OR... even better - why don't you help to teach her? that way, when parents are listening and praising, you could maybe say occasionally - "i taught her that one!", and they would have to notice you.

The only option left is to talk to the relatives and find out what it is they're thinking - whether the younger sister needs more encouragement because she is younger, and are accidently losing sight of you in the process, or if they are just trying to give her the same treatment as they gave to you at that age.