sisters Dad - Just need some support really!

[rufio89]

Hey,

I just need some support really, I know there's not really any advice to be given.

Basically, my (half) sister's Dad is a massive alcoholic. It's been this way since she was a baby (she's 27 now), so it's not a new thing, and he's been dry for several years at a time during that time. However, the past 3-4 years, he has got progressively worse. He got throat cancer, and was put in a drying-out facility while he was being treated for it, and was told that if he didnt stop drinking, he'd be dead within the year, and he was dry for about a year.

The past few months, he's been drinking again. He was due to go and stay with my sister a few weeks ago, but couldnt make it onto the train because he was so drunk.


Yesterday, they went to scatter our Nan and Pops ashes. Her Dad was so drunk he couldnt even make it up the hill.

My sister called me last night and she was just sobbing. He is GOING to die, probably soon, and there's nothing we can do about it. I just want to help my sister, but I dont know how.
I hate her being like this, it breaks my heart for her to be so upset

Like I said, I know there's not really any advice to be given, but I just think I needed to get it off my chest.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

I can't offer advice on this .

Is there no possibility of forcing him into care?

[rufio89]

He keeps going in, but there's only so long they can keep him for, and as soon as he's out again he starts drinking again. From what they were saying before he went in this last time, he's caused himself irreparable damage, and so it's just a matter of time unfortunately.

I feel awful for saying this, but drinking himself to death is sort of inevitable now, and a big part of me wishes he'd do everyone a favour and just hurry up

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

I've said in another post (ok a long time ago) that my friends mam was an alcoholic...my friend always pretended it didn't bother her that much, but the last time we had a 'proper' conversation about her mam she got really teary about it - it's understandable, at the end of the day she was still her mam. My friends mam started drinking when my friend was 2 years old (so when her mam was 20ish). I do think that my friend also wished that her mam would 'hurry up'. You could tell from what she was saying, but you could tell that she also felt so bad for thinking it. My friends mam died last October/November. My friend obviously was upset by it, she still is but I also think it is a huge relief to her. Her gran is late 80s and she basically lived for her daughter and now she is gone she's lost. I'm also absolutely gutted for my friend, her mam wasn't much of a mam to her, and I think her parents basically regretted having her to young, when her mam died she left my friend nothing, well I lie £7 in her bank. My friends gran used to give her mam money out of HER pension to buy her alcohol otherwise she wouldn't eat anything, she'd spend it all on drink.

My friends parents divorced when she was 13; her dad now lives in London and he spends all of his money and time on his girlfriends son; my friend said she got a cheque from her dad for her birthday (she was 25 in January) and it was the FIRST present she'd ever gotten from him; she said she was tempted to frame it haha.

[RagDoll]

I don't have any advice to offer and I know you weren't really looking for some anyway, so just to say that I'm sorry to hear about the whole, very sad, situation. We're here for you!

For what it's worth, I kinda know how you feel re: part of you wishing he'd hurry up and pass away. I sort of feel like that about my Grandma at the moment (I feel awful typing that in black and white, but I have my reasons).

[rufio89]

My other sister just called me and had much the same conversation with me, except that she also added that he'd been talking to her about funerals and stuff.

It just breaks my heart that he's doing this to them.

I seriously hate him.

[Skarlet]

At least they both have you, and their other family to turn to for support. And if you need to rant, then you can do that here, and that will help you be strong for them.

[rufio89]

As I have mentioned in another post, I've been reading through old posts recently and this one has caught my eye.

My sisters Dad passed away this summer. He'd been dry for 3 months but the damage done by alcohol was too much to recover from. I just wanted to update this as a word of warning to anyone with an alcohol problem and to tell people that excessive drinking WILL catch up with you, and it was a thoroughly miserable end for him.

[highlandcow]

That sucks Rufio.

I really hope you and your sister are coping OK. xxx

[rufio89]

Thank you. I'm ok, it was a shock at the time especially since it was just a couple of weeks after my grandma, but I'm much better now. I'm worried about my sister though, she's taken it really badly and she's been struggling through work for the past few months but this week she's gone and got herself signed off for the rest of the academic year (she's doing her doctorate). Hopefully now she can relax a bit she'll start to improve, I can't bear seeing her hurting so much. She still hasn't gone to see a grief therapist (and she's a trainee psychologist, you'd think she'd know better!) even though there's loads of stuff from his death that's haunting her (besides the obvious grief I mean). She was in the room when he fired and I think it was very traumatic for her. Also, the day he died he started crying to her and saying he was so scared and he wasn't ready to die. I know he must have felt like that but it makes me angry that he said that to her - that's going to stay with her forever

[highlandcow]

Also, the day he died he started crying to her and saying he was so scared and he wasn't ready to die. I know he must have felt like that but it makes me angry that he said that to her - that's going to stay with her forever

Oh Rufio that is so sad....

She really ought to see a grief counsellor. Perhaps if you go together it might help.