My brother has been given an ultimatum by a friend

[jowilliams89]

My 21 year old brother has been given an ultimatum by his best friend who is a female. She's told him that if he stays with his fiancee, she can't remain friends with him. She has nothing against his fiancee, but it's more the fact that she wants to be more than friends with him. Please help............. What should he do??

[Ticktock]

So she has waited till he has got engaged, which unless this was a whirlwind romance, would have taken a little while.

I would say this girl was a either a hopeless romantic who is losing the chance to be with the man of her dreams, or someone who is a bit of a drama queen and emotionally manipulative to boot. She has certainly watched too many trashy US romance movies!

In either case I suggest your brother says that she should do what she wants, he isn't responsible for her, and any other reaction could be portrayed by her as undermining the fiancee...

I wouldn't normally recommend using a txt, but that or making sure he has company when he does this would be recommended. A woman scorned and all that she just may decide to play dirty and set him up, in his best interests of course!

Sorry if your brother won't want to hear that, but you can't maintain a friendship with someone who is blackmailing you like that.

[jowilliams89]

It's definitely not a whirlwind romance. They've been together for 2 years. My brother and his friend have known each other since secondary school, so about 6-8 years and I know he doesn't want to lose her but he's completely in love with his fiancee, which is the downside for the friend. It's tearing him apart inside and no-one knows what he can do!! xx

[jen]

Sorry but at the end of the day if she was any kind of decent friend, she wouldn't be giving him an ultimatum.
I mean does she have any reason why she doesn't want him marrying his fiancee (eg is it because she loves him herself and can't seem to want to see him with anyone else or is it because she has a reason to not like the fiancee?)

She has no right to put him through this. She has known him long enough to have mentioned it to him rather than waiting until he's about to get married.

[Skarlet]

Does he have romantic feelings for her? I am guessing not, as he is engaged to someone else. His only option then is to do the second part of the ultimatum and say that he isn't giving up his Fiancee. If she can't be his friend whilst he is seeing someone else then thats the right thing for her.

[Bigmama85]

I have to agree with everyone who has replied to your brothers problem. If he gives up his fiancee he will live to regret it, will probably resent his friend for the rest of his life & also end up losing her too. She has been completely unfair in asking him to chose as a true friend wouldn't, romantic feelings or not. She had plenty of time before his fiancee came along to tell him how she feels & unfortunately for her now it's too late.

[jowilliams89]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I know he doesn't want to lose either of them but I know in his heart, he's going to chose his fiancee over his friend as she's the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Afterall, he did propose to her. If it was me or anyone else I know, I'd probably tell them the exact same thing that you've all suggested he do. I just wanted to get someone elses view on the matter, so thank you all xx