Why was she like this?

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Why was she like this?

Postby Mmms » Sat May 05, 2012 8:21 pm

Hi there, im not sure where to start with this, as its been going on far too long. But I am very very hurt over my sisters treatment and attitude with me.

She would blame me for things I did or didn’t do. It started back in 2008. Though before that if I was talking at all to her, there were so many times I would get a huff or grunt from her. Just being plain rude and often I was left wondering what did I do. When I say I don’t know what brought on the huffs and grunts, I really don’t know.

Also I remember before 2008, we were at an xmas party and some guy chated me up, she saw this and came up and tried dragging him off me and said he should be with her. If I had anywhere to go at all, she wasn’t going anywhere, she would get into the bathroom before me to slow me down. God forbid I might look good.

So back to Aug of 2008, when all this started. She wanted me to buy her a phone using my credit card. I bought it online and she gave me the money which I used straight away to pay off the card. I ordered the same phone a few weeks previously, and it came in about a week. So seven days after ordering her the phone, it didn’t come. But I got the blame for it. She accused me of never ordering the phone and I just kept her money. She demanded for her money back and didn’t leave me alone for days. The money was used to pay of the card, I didn’t have the money. The phone eventually came. But after days of hassling me, she never apologised.

There were so many times she would find excuses and have a go at me. Another time I had a cold, it was still bearable and I was getting on with life. Including exercising and going to the gym which I loved doing. So one day, I was thinking of going while I had the cold. I told her I was going and got my stuff ready. I was the driver to the gym which was 11 miles away. She couldn’t drive and said she’ll come with me. I had no problem with this, I was going anyway. However, I had a change of mind. I had a cold, I went to the gym twice already during the same week, I lost so much weight, I was so strict with myself going at least 3 times a week. So for once I changed my mind and thought I would get over the cold first and spend the evening relaxing. She took this and turned it around on me and said I wasn’t taking her because I didn’t want her to lose weight.

Another time, there was a party we were both going to go. The same week I had a terrible rash. I was covered in it, doctor said it was psoriasis. My granny had the same skin disease and if you google pictures of guttate psoriasis, it looked like it. To say the least, the last thing on my mind was going to a party. I don’t know how she just thought of herself once again, but because I wasn’t going, she wasn’t either. I wasn’t stopping her. But she turned on me again, saying that I only said I was going so I could let her down. I was covered in a rash.

Another time, she misplaced a book and she believed I took it from her because I didn’t want her to do well. Just to prove her wrong, I tore the house upside down looking for it. When I did find it, she never apologised.

Another time, she wanted a driving lesson from me. It was Sunday morning at around 11 am and I said ‘later’, which I meant. We had the whole day. No later wasn’t good enough for her.

She found her fags broken in half before, I got the blame.

She got prank calls, I got the blame.

Really this list is endless. But every single time I got the blame and was always told I was jealous of her, didn’t want her doing well. If she didn’t get her own way, she would use the one thing I love in life just to get to me. She would hit the animals, (cat and dog).

This went on every few weeks until April of 2010. Where I just had enough. She started at me once again. It was late at night, 11pm, I was in bed using my laptop. And she wanted me to stop with the laptop. I had a very slow laptop, I wasn’t going to finish until I ready. It wasn’t going to be long, I just wanted to finish what I was at. It wasn’t good enough for her. So she started screaming at me. There were other people in the house who were trying to sleep and this one screaming. I was trying to stop her and with her childish rubbish, I would have gotten the blame. I flipped, it was going on for too long, I asked her was she jealous of me, I lost loads of weight. Or was she jealous of my breasts while cupping them in my hand (one of hers never grew). This is where she lashed out at me and started to beat me. She split my head open.

I never spoke to her after that. If I did, I knew she would find something to have a go at me again. I couldn’t take her rubbish any more. I was not going to give her an excuse. She never apologised to me. Her reason is, I can’t accept where I went wrong in all this. Where did I go wrong in all this? I am not taking responsibility for something I have never started. I cupped my breasts after a year and a half of her abuse? Is that where I went wrong? Not long after it all started. I think Oct 2008, I was so sick of it. I decided for some revenge. The only thing I did was hack into her email and changed her password. It was ok for her to treat me like rubbish and get away with it, was it???

I moved away in September of 2010 and there was no contact. Just before last christmas, I sent her a message telling her this was stupid, I should never have cupped my tits, and we should get over it. She never replied.

How was all this my fault, did she really think il accept responsibility for her mental issues?

This all hurts me. But she doesn’t care. I have tried but she acts like a teenager. She will be 30 years old this year. I dont think will ever change.

There is a message board online where I know her username. I have read her posts. She was involved with some guy last year, for a few weeks. He appartently asked her for her address so he could send her a gift. But he never sent it. She got her hopes up that this gift meant he was mad for her or whatever. But it never came. She even went and asked, where was the gift you promised me? Then she turned all nasty. I know this as, she has written all about it.

Now she is writing, telling people she is so sorry for her behaviour towards this man and wants to contact him to apologise.

This man was no one. I am family, she has treated me like rubbish and she thinks more of a man she known after a few weeks.

Why was she like this towards me? She is my only sister. I cant do anything. I am not apologising for stuff I have never done, I shouldn't have to.
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Re: Why was she like this?

Postby ILoveChristmas » Thu May 10, 2012 9:35 am

I think it's clear that your sister has some serious issues, and on the face of it I'd agree that they're hers and not yours. In your post you touched on her feeling inferior to you in some respects and it sounds to me like you're right about that.

You don't say if you've been more successful in your academic or professional life than she has, or whether you've had more success in your personal life, but I get the impression from your post that you have been.

There's no doubt that she has other things troubling her besides an inferiority issue. Lashing out at you and the pets is not a normal reaction for someone who's feeling even severely inferior. You alone can't deal with that issue, but what you can do is keep reaching out to her. Send her emails, send her a card with a few lines in it and just let her know that you're there and wanting to talk.

I don't think you should be apologising either, and if it were a (for want of a better word) 'normal' situation I don't think you should, but in your case it might just be the thing that breaks the ice and gets her talking. If you have to listen to her side of things to understand what she's feeling then so be it. It's for you to decide whether you can do that though.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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