Page 1 of 1

My brother has Downs Syndrome

PostPosted: Sun Oct 19, 2003 8:57 pm
by halfwaythere
Ok Hi.
I am usually a very positive person and still am even at this time, i don't no how i do it or if it's a good thing but I'm good at it and usually life is brill. There is just 1 thing and i just don't know what to do.

I am 14 and have been an only child up till 4 months ago and on the 20th June 2003 I had a little brother born, everything was all exciting as it is. Mum got rushed into hospital at 4:00 in the morning and i had a brill day. I got back home from school and visited mum straight away and he seemed fine. About thee days later mum gets home from hospital only to reveal the worst thing imagnable. He has Downs Syndrome.
I no its horrible but from a the joe publics eye kids with Downs tend to be classed as freaks/abnormal, and no my brothers on of them. Then the concequences (however u spell it :-?) started. I didn't want to know him and to be honest ain't that bothered now, i have spent all my time in my bedroom apart from when i have to come downstairs. I never play with him and just don't want to know him. My mum's noticed this and my excuse is 'At least i'm not bored' which is fairly true but isn't the whole truth.
The next worst thing to come was mum asked me if i wanted to be it's godfarther and my immediate reaction was yes. No thought taken and i knew it would make mum happy. I spent the next few days thinking about it and soon realised the main reason i have been avoiding him. The future. He is gonna be slow and have disablities and i dont want that responisiblity passed on to me if my mum or step-dad pass away before my bro does. I want to live my own life not be held back by this thing related to me, its just gonna be a huge pressure i really want to live without.
Theres more. Mum just hasn't accepted the fact that he has got it. My step-mum is a nurse and as soon as i told her and my dad she has been telling me of the symptons and what will come and has been a real help, i'm just worried for my mum. She has got this little leaflet thing with pictures of other kids in and she keeps on picking out pictures of kids with a very little physical signs of Downs and saying thats what he is going to be like. Anybody that asks she just says 'yes she has got it but it is as little as he can get it' and she thinks it is a normal baby and will grow the same time as everybody else. the thing is it won't i know it she doesnt and its really annoying.

I dont know what sort of reply i want i just want one. I've heard all the Downs children are the best kind of children to have. he aint my kid he's my brother. i could do with a perspective or to talk to another boy whos bro/sis has got downs. I just dont dare look for them cause the future will just haunt me.

Please help Im desperate
I'm not gonna read though this again otherwise i might not post it. PLEASE!!

Like i said at the start i am a positive persona dn i am living with it for now, it just the future, its scary.

It's nice knowing i'll get a reply to this, getting things of my chest. i do feel better. I'll shut up now

Steve -x- 8)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 10:32 am
by Fidel
That's not very nice
I understand that he may hold u back but he's still a person. Still a brother.
Be a big brother and spend some time with him when he's older otherwise u'll grow old with no-one and so will he. Sure - when he's older he's probably not going to be married and at school he may get bullied but u stick up for him, look out for him and u'll reap the rewards.
There's nothing like bein a good big brother
Trust me


PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 11:10 am
by kitten
That is a very selfish view of things. My half brother was born disabled and died at 11, I never got to see him.

I have looked after disabled people, it does take some getting used to and your mother needs support. Be a brother to him and learn more about his disability to understand him.

There are organisations that can help out and if your parents do pass away before him and you need to look after him there is help for you.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 2:56 pm
by halfwaythere
I no it does sound selfish, i no things like that would pop-up thats what would happen after being an only child for 14 years, its a hell of a big change. I guess i just needed to tell someone, sorry if i sound horrible just everything coming all at once created a few bad reactions. but i guess all i can do is wait for time to go by, and then we'll see how it goes. any more advise would be helpful is possible.

Thanks :)

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 3:14 pm
by sovs
I have just read your post and im crying.
I cant imagine what you and your mum are going through.
I have a son of 1 year and love him dearly.
If i was ever offered the downs test if i was pregnant again i wouldnt have it because it would still be my baby and a little life.
You have to realise that your brother isnt going to live long, and for as long as he lives do your best to make it a happy one.
We never know how long weve got in this life so we should all do our best to make our lives and people who touch our lives happy.
Please dont call your brother IT thats not right.
Your life is going to be longer and happier than youe brothers will ever be, would it really hurt you to make some time for him.
Please think about this carefully and not just think of yourself.
One day he will be gone and the memories will be all you have, if you dont try, you will just end up bitter and twisted.
Think about your mum, do you love her? What if you had been born and she hadnt wanted you and gave you a terrible life, would that be fair?
Please go with your heart, spend some time with your little brother and find the love thats in you.
Later in life if you had a downs baby, your own flesh and blood, would you discard the baby? No you would do your best by your child.

sovs :wink:

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 3:26 pm
by halfwaythere
Thanks a lot, i need a slap round the face, and that was a damn good one. thanks, you just turned the light on the positives. I guess ever since he has been born i have only thought of the negatives and they have been geeting worse and worse in my mind but none of them true. thanks a lot.

There's still the problem with mum though she is still denyin it in the best way she can i really don't knw what to say to her, she just always compares it to another child with it but less physical looks of it.

Thanks for all the help so far

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 3:29 pm
by sovs
Im always here if you need to talk :wink:

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 3:36 pm
by kitten
Your mum is probably trying to adjust, it can be hard to accept a disability, my Dad was only 19 when he had his son. It was very difficult for him too.

Like Sovs says make the best of the time you have with him, it will be hard for you all to adjust but disabled people can enjoy a good quality of life these days.

I worked for a week on an island with a trust that takes disabled and disadvantaged people to the island for a break and to give their parents/careers a break also.

Like Sovs I am here if you need to talk. Keep positive, there are alot of disabled people out there and some grow to have indepdent adult lifes with the help of organisations that run respite centres and flats that are warden assisted.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2003 4:04 pm
by halfwaythere
Thanks, all this stuff really helps. I think i may have reacted this way (keeping myself to myself (in my room)) whether he had a disability or not. i knew i wouldnt be much of a bay person but when he's up and moving, i really hope things will pick up, and, now, i'm pretty sure they will

Thanks it means so much being able to talk

PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2003 10:46 pm
by saz
Everyone has feelings they dont like and react to things differently. It is good that you have realised that he is a little person and not a burden on your life.

You will always regret it if you dont bond with him. He will look up to you as his big brother and one day you will be so proud to be related to him. I dont have much experience in this but just think that we all deserved to be loved and respected. He didn't ask to be born, but he is and wont be around forever.

You will be surprised he will make a really positive mark on your life. Downs children are loving and caring and lots of fun, like most children are. They just need extra help and cant do certain things themselves. Children with downs are affected in lots of different ways and i suppose your mum is just trying to look on the bright side. It wont be obvious until he is older how severe or mild his disability is.

By the time he is your age you will have a family of your own to support. Just be there for your mum help her out. It has been 14 years since she had a baby so she might need you! It is difficult to have a baby, disability or not so try to see things from her point of view. He is your brother but her son and it is common for women to 'blame' themselves. Also, mothers genuinely see their babies as perfect and beautiful it is natural. Give her time to get used to things. I hope your mum is ok.

Good luck give him a cuddle and a bit of love - it will make you feel good i promise (and your mum!)

PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2003 12:09 pm
by smile

People looking after kids with down syndrome are very strong. Mentally that is. You sound like you are very strong minded and mature for your age. You can handle this situation. I supoose I can understand how you feel, you were waiting for a brother that you can play with and grow up with and then your brother came as a bit of a shock.

Try your best to make him happy, knowing you care about him will brighten up his day. If you make that extra effort to be with him, he will make that extra effort to be with you.

Don't think of the future, live in the present. Think of what you could do with him today, how happy you could make him today, just by playing with him or talking to him even.

Take care,

Smile x x

PostPosted: Sat Nov 01, 2003 6:53 pm
by halfwaythere
Sorry for what i've put. well actually im not cause i feel a hell of a lot better now but i have just spent a week holiday, with him, and he doesn't seem that bad anymore. i still haven't read what i put first, i don't want to remember, but i am glad i put it otherwise i wouldn't have had these responses. Things will be brighter. I couldn't have done it without u lot.

Thanks all =D> =D> =D> =D>


PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2003 8:39 pm
by smile
I am locking this topic at the authors request as the author feels that this problem has been resolved. If the author would wish to make a further comment on the topic please PM me or another mod to unlock it.