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My little sister is feeling down

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 3:29 pm
by sweet sarah
Hi all,

I have a huge problem!

My little sister is 14years old and my mam decided a few months ago she was moving up to Scotland and taking my little sister with her as she was getting back with my birth dad. I live in Newcastle so it costs a bit to go and see them and I do when I can but with me at work 24/7 it’s a bit hard.

I was on the phone to my little sister last night (and I totally adore her I would do anything for her) and she says she hates it where she is and she wants to come live with me and my partner, which we wouldn’t mind but my mam wouldn’t let her.

Anyway, I calmed my sister down and stopped her from crying and everything and she had to go for her tea so I told her to text if she wanted to talk.

About 10minuets later I got a text message of her but the contents of this text message got me really worried. It said:

“I just want to kill. Just die. I’m so unhappy. I love u so much. I hate it up here, I want to die. I thought about it a lot. Can’t tell mam. All I think about killing myself. I miss all my family. I want to die. I can’t stand it anymore”
This really worried me and I thought, she’s only 14 why does she feel like this she should be out getting into the wrong gangs and having a few sly drinks behind my mam’s back. I mean don’t get me wrong she is spoilt rotten up there with my mam and birth dad, schools ok as far as I know and her friends are ok too.

Why is my little sister talking like this?
14 years old and talking about death!
It’s horrible and it’s breaking me inside cause I can’t get to her and put everything right. I’m trying to get my mam to let her down here but she doesn’t know but I worry about my sister so much she is my world and I have always helped her like the time when little girls go to the mam and ask “where do baby’s come from?” well she asked me she has always came to me about all her problems and I fell horrid because I am not there.

I know I can’t protect her from the world but I will do everything I can to make sure she has a good life and I will answer all her problems apart from the question last night on the phone “why do I want to die?” I froze and couldn’t say anything then I told her she is just going through a rough time and will be ok and she was saying “No I want to die I can do it it’s so easy” my heart was pounding!

What do I say to a 14year old that comes out with things like that????????

All I want to do is make it all better for her but I can’t! I don’t know how too! She wont tell my mam and she wont let me she said if I did she “wouldn’t speak to me”, and I would make it worse and then she said “I will have no one then what’s the point in breathing?”

She has had a lot to deal with moving schools and moving house and things so she
Has had to grow up a bit too fast for my likening.

It’s breaking my heart I want to help but I can’t tell anyone I don’t want her to feel alone and that she cant trust anyone I want her to feel im here for her and I always will be. I have been up all night trying to think of how to help but I’m so worried that she might do some thing to hurt herself and I couldn’t bare it if I lost her she is a part off me, she always has been.

I have had such a rubbish year but now it’s getting worse.


Sorry if i have went on i just need some advice please i had to give you as much detail as i could . thanks

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 3:43 pm
by saz
Try not to panic at the moment. As far as you know she hasn't done anything but she is obviously feeling really depressed. It must be such an upheavel for her bless her, new home, school, friends etc. If she sticks it out it will get better but it doesn't sound as if she is strong enough at the moment, and wants her big sisters help. Your mum is probably really busy with everything to do with the move and your sister must feel left out, plus she really misses you.

Talk to your mum asap without giving too much away, but say you are worried. Ask your mum if your sister could come and visit you, even if it is for a short break at least this way you can talk to her. Asking to move straight away is going to freak your mum out too and she probably doesn't understand why your sister wants to which is why she says no. Arrange for her to visit as soon as possible tell your mum that you think she really needs to see you. If you cant arrange this then you should tell your mum exactly how worried you are about her, and what she has said to you. I am sure your mum and dad would then realise how seriously unhappy she is and help her.

It does take time to settle in to any new place. She has been there a few months so she has given it a go but sounds like she cant cope. Be there for her on the phone to reassure her and encourage her to talk to your mum.

Good luck i hope everything is ok.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 3:53 pm
by saz
I dont know why teenagers feel this way sometimes but i think it is the trauma of growing up especially if you grow up fast. Everything around you seems to hard to deal with and dying seems like a way out. It takes a lot of insight to see that it isn't and asking for help is a good step.

I know you dont want to hear this about your sister but she could be manipulating you without realising. By telling you not to tell your mum and she wont speak to you she has you in a dilemma and she knows you will drop everything for her to help her. This isn't because she is being nasty it is just the only way she can think of to make you see how serious she is. It is like a cry for attention and she has got you. You are right to be worried though i would be because feeling depressed at her age just seems wrong.

It does happen though but dont deal with this all on your own. As you say, you live too far away to cope with it all. If she comes to live with you would you be able to cope? Especially if you have a family in the near future things will be hard too. She has to see that you want to help her but you have a life of your own too. You are a good sister and i would do the same for mine.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 4:20 pm
by sweet sarah
I could cope with her living with me i have done before for about 4months then my mam asked her to come back to live with her and she did. I woud love her to live with me as her relationship with my mam isn't like mine is. My sister wont tell my mam anything but when i have a problem i tell my mam straightr away ( unless i come on here) I think my sister needs to get away from the pressure of growing up, as my mam and dad have high expectations of her as they did with me.

If I could only get her down for a month or so… but I can’t there is know way I will let her change schools again but I want her to sort her head out and I can understand she feels trapped up there as she hasn’t got anyone she can open up to apart from me.

I know what your saying and I feel…well useless for her because I had to grow up fast as well like I hated it at home when I was her age and by 16 I moved out due to private problems which I wont discuss and I just … I don’t know I want to help and I have told my mam I am worried about her but mam said she’s ok and don’t worry!

I tried to give her a little detail and asked her not to say anything but she didn’t understand that my sister needs me to be there for a bit to talk to and to reassure her that everything will be ok………… I feel like I’m banging my head of a brick wall and I am running out of ideas to help my sister I have booked an appointment to see my councillor (the one I had when I had the miscarriage) for advice she knows that my sister is “upset” and says she will give me advice but I don’t think that will be good enough for my sister she needs face-to-face support, well I think she does!

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 7:59 pm
by woopdecker
Hey, sounds like your goin through a rough time :-? I think what saz sed was right.
But you do need to see your sister face to face, other than that, all you can do is be there for her to talk to when she needs it. Re-assure her that things'll be alright soon, and what about you going to see her?Isn't that possible?


PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 9:27 pm
by saz
How about sticking her on the train or meeting her somewhere at the weekend? Surely your mum wouldn't be able to stop her staying for the weekend or even the school holidays. If you arrange the school hols then she has something to look forward to. Your mum shouldn't be able to stop you seeing her but living with you is another matter. But if your mum was prepared to do it once, then i cant see why she wont allow it again. All of the changes wont do your sister much good she needs a solid base.

Seeing the counsellor is a very good idea and it will give your sister a good change to talk to someone face to face as you say.

Dont give up trying to visit or get her to visit, i think it would do her good to have a break away from her parents if things are too much for her. Does she have any other relatives, like a nan or aunty she could arrange to stay with? Then you could see her there.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 27, 2003 9:44 pm
by sovs
Oh dear, this is tough.

Why dont you speak to your mum and say that your sister is stressed at the moment and it may be a idea for her to come and stay with you.
If not why not sort out with your sister for her to stay at yours during school holidays and stuff?

Im sorry im not much help
Good luck
sovs :wink:

PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2003 10:36 am
by LoVe BuG
I agree with sovs i think you should ask talk to your mum and ask her if your little sister could come and stay wth you for a couple of nights even if its only for the weekend then you might be able to make her feel a little better.

She won't feel all better all of a sudden shes just going through a time that most teenagers go through at that age, i went through it but i went and stayed with my brother for 2 weeks so i felt quite alot better.

*smileyheart* !YaY mY bRoThEr Is CoMiNg 2 sEe Me ThIs WeEkEnD yAy! *smileyheart* LOL

PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2003 11:22 am
by Fidel
Try to get her to calm down. She'll meet new people and start a new life it's just getting used to it thats the hard part.
Plus Scotland isn't that bad - trust me - it wasn't easy living in 4 completely different countries when I was younger. It'll work out fine

PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2003 12:57 pm
by sweet sarah
Thank’s for your replies,

My mam still need’s time to think if she will let her down. I can’t go to Scotland I have started a new job and have no money till 31st December (which isn’t good)
So all the money I have at the moment is going on bills and food and mortgage. But I will get her down next weekend cause my mate says she will come with me to pick her up in my mates car so I will get her down. Holidays she comes down in the 6weeks holidays for 6weeks and she always has been with me when she has her holidays.