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I'm in love with my sister

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 12:38 am
by Worried4me
Hello, I dont know how to say this, i mean i dont know wheather this is the right website forum to say this, but I have to tell somebody.

Ok... its very hard for me to say this, so you will have bare with me.

Myself and my sister were very close growing up, we always got on really well together, i suppose it might of been that considered to my two other sisters she was the closest to me in age, she is 2 years older than me, we just seemed to gel. I never had much luck with girls, i was always too shy in asking other girls out, and because I got on so well with my sister she really looked out for me.

So to cut a long story short, when i was 16, i started seeing my sister in a different light, i started having a crush on her, im 25 now and shes 27 and im still as very much inlove with her as i was when i was 16. She has since gone on to have her fair share of boyfriends and currently has one for the past 18 months where as i have never had a girlfriend

I dont know what else to do now, should i tell her how i feel about her?

or else leave well enough alone

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:12 am
by depman
No you should not tell her
She may well see you in a different light and spoil a loving brother/sister relationship
The relationship you crave is forbidden love and can never happen
It is illegal and you can never have kids as there will be birth defects

You have to let her go it will most probably be hard for you but this is your sister love her as a sister and nothing else
You will meet a fantastic woman one day that will blow you away

You will both always be close but let her live her life with whoever she meets as this is her life

Good luck

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:46 am
by smile
I agree with depman here. Nothing could ever happen between the two of you. If a child is born then it is very likely that the baby will be deformed. It is because you share the same genes.

Telling her would most likely drive her away, if you find someone else hopefully you're feelings will become a bit more rational towards her. It must be hard but it would put you and your family in a very awkward situation.

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 11:45 am
by saz
What you feel for your sister you may be confusing it as a crush with admiration and affection. There is nothing wrong with being close, knowing how much you care for her but in a romantic intimate sense nothing should ever happen. It sounds as if your sister has no idea how you feel and she just sees you as a brother. Telling her how you feel would cause so much pain for your family, and you might lose your sister's friendship.

Of course you gel together and she looks out for you, she is your sister and that is how familes work. I think a lot of people look for the qualities that their brother/sister/mother/father possess in other people because they are on a pedestal.

You may well measure other women up to your sister but you have to come to terms that you will never be able to be with her as a partner. You will meet a girl for you but this would be easier for you if you let this go. There are so many nice women out there and you should be meeting and spending time with them. Cut down the time you spend with your sister for a while and make an effort to go out with your friends. Be friendly with women and in time things will start looking up for you.

Good luck.

Thanx for the advice

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 9:04 pm
by Worried4me
Thanx for the advice you guys!!!!!!!!!! much appreciated

I know its wrong but I cant help how i feel, one of you said that i should try and forget about her and move on and try not to spend as much time with her, well as she is living away from home with her friends in a rented flat, she only comes home at the weekends now and again, so i dont get to see her much, but its like the phrase says absense makes the heart grow fonder and the heart wants what the heart wants and unfortanetly thats the case about my sister, and its hard really really hard not to think about her you know?

I seem to end up thinking about her everyday, wondering what shes doing? or how her days have been?, Constantly worrying about her well been because dont get me wrong, i worry in a normal brother/sister relationship way as well.

I never knew, that having kids with ur siblings would cause deffects in the birth of the baby because of the genes, although i never thought about anything like that, i just like her company, i want to be with her, she has a great body and during our post-primary school days, i always thought she looked so fantastic in her uniform skirt, I remember i would often be in her company in the kitchen in the mornings and on numerous occasions I often got to undress her with my eyes, which at the time i was very happy about because it would always result in me having an erection, thats why i started thinking it must be a crush I have on her or maybe even more, I know nothing could ever happen between us because its morally wrong but like i said earlier, its really really hard not to think about her.

You guys have also stated that i should never tell her about my feelings towards her with the reprecussions being that i could lose her as a sister and it could cause serious emotional damage to the rest of the family.

Well, there is one member of my family who knows of my crush on my sister and thats my mother, she found out when i was 18, i started writing stuff about my sister and me fantasising about what it would be like if we were together and kept them in my journals in my room.

Well one day my mother was tidying my room, and found these journals, I accidently left them lying around, and she read bits out of it, when i came home from school that evening, and when she got a moment for us to chat without my sister being there she confronted me about it, and i told her everything

And to my surprise, she was very understanding and ok about it, she said that she didnt mind at all, as long as i didnt act out what i had written, she was fine with it being a fantasy, when I say I told her everything I told her that thats all it was, was fantasy and thats all it ever would be.

Although she did take my journals from me and told me she was going to burn them incase my sister ever saw it, she would not have been as understanding as my mother was which I knew probably would happen.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I never would do anything to my sister and I still wouldnt ever even dream of having intercourse with her ending in pregnancy.

I just thought she was really goodlooking in her skirt, and I started having a crush on her then, and fantasies, but i will stress that i would never dream of acting on the fantasies.

Do ne1 of you guys think i need proffessional help?

I would love to hear your views on my situation,

can you pm me plz

PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:09 pm
by sovs
Firstly about the birth defect thing.
Just because two relations have a baby does not mean the baby will have something wrong with it. It just doubles the chances of a baby being born with a defect if there are known defects in the family (deafness, blindness, mental illness etc).
It is illeagal for anything to happen with your sister, if it was a cousin or even a aunt it would be allowed but not a sister.

I think as you have got older and sexually matured as a teenager you have misplaced your true feelings for your sister and instead of fantasising about a popstar or girl at school you thought about a female companion you loved at home, your sister.

It isnt healthy to keep this obsession going on any longer.
If you are pleasuring yourself and start to think of her realise its not right and think of something else.
You need to go out and socialize more, meet new people.
Its good you realise nothing can ever come of this and you now need to put this behind you and carry on with your life.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2004 1:41 pm
by Fidel
Why is it illegal. Britain has some strange laws........

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2004 2:55 pm
by saz
It is illegal for many reasons, and the risks of birth defects are greatly increased if two members are from the same family.

It could well be that you just find your sister a very beautiful person, but you certainly are focusing on her too much. She has her own life now and you will always be part of that as her brother, but you have to make a life for yourself separate from her.

Your mother's reaction has confused me slightly, as it seems in some way she has told you that it is ok to feel this way as long as you dont take things any futher. I just think that they way we feel at 16 and at 25 changes greatly and more so because she isn't such a bit part of your life anymore. At some point you will feel differently but instead of hoping it goes away, make more of an effort to move on. I think you should detatch from her and the fantasies about her. Fantasise about something else and make an effort to meet other women who are just as beautiful and lovely.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2004 5:58 pm
by depman
Fidel wrote:Why is it illegal. Britain has some strange laws........

I think Britain has some good laws
Some countries let you have sex at 11-12 which I think is sick for one
The laws are there for a good reason

And yes some laws are strange like killing foxes rabbits and deer for fun
They are strange laws

Anyway back to main subject

PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2004 2:00 pm
by worstfriend
I don't want to say you NEED professional help, as i doubt you are in any way dangerous, but i do think that professional help could be of real benefit to you.

A cousellor or psychologist could help you work through these feelings so that you can move on and have a fulfilling relationship with a more suitable partner.

Go to your GP, anything you tell them will be confidential, explain how you're feeling and aks for a referral to someone who can help you with these feelings.

Re: the law thing - i'm afraid the only reason incestuous marriage is ILLEGAL in Britain is that the laws on marriage were composed when Christianity was sweeping Europe, and the bible says no to incest.

Having said that there are very few societies which condone this kind of relationship and almost none which encourage it, and it is very likely that incest was forbidden before laws and even writing were invented. ALmost every society/culture/religion we know about has (or had) a taboo/law/rule against brother-sister, father-daughter and mother-son incest. One notable exception is the Ancient Egyptian Pharoahs. The Pharoah was seen as the God on Earth and so he could ONLY marry his female relatives so that the bloodline was kept pure. During this period however, the human genetic pool was still so clean (no mutations yet), deformity rarely occurred. Tutankhamun's bride, also found in his tomb, was his thirteen year old sister, but along with them were two babies which had been stillborn..........

Re: I'm in love with my sister

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 2:14 am
by addy_1
yo wots up with u man avin a crush on ur sis is wrong she is family tis like proposing to ur aunt tis wrong TELL HER and shell understand and thatll be that. [-X

PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:37 am
by Fidel
'tis? who's to say true love is wrong?

PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 4:29 pm
by luvva
Think he meant it's, yeh i have to agree with you fidel, if it's true love it's true love isn't it. Who should get to decide wether it is wrong or right.?!

PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:10 pm
by Mr.L
Ok Fidel form what your saying people should be allowed to date their mothers? Think about it. Birth defects and the pure fact that it is not socially acceptable, and if you're religious, completely forbidden.

I think you really need to find a girl for yourself, Worried4Me, and get out there. Have you experienced anything sexual with a girl? I'm not sure about professional help, but you have to help yourself. From what you said about undressing her with your eyes, was something that I didnt think would happen. I would seek help inside yourself more and get rid of any kind of material you have written about her. Your close and thats is a good thing but to be close in a sexual way and in love terms as in b.f/g.f love is to be honest very wrong. I would never tell her. It could split your family apart and you're lucky youre mum is understanding. Good luck

PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 6:03 am
by Llisa
On a serious note, Worried4Me, this is a grave matter.
True love or not, laws of the land do forbid anything to happen between you and your sister. I am pleased to hear that you would never consider 'doing' anything with her.
As others have said, it would be most unwise to voice your feelings to her. It would no doubt cause her a great amount of distress and discomfort, neither of which I'm sure you want to do.
Love her and cherish her as only a brother could, and be content with that. I do hope that you find yourself a lovely girl who you will be able to occupy your mind with.
All the best.