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my brother

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:17 pm
by just_me
my 16 year old brother whom i absolutely adore has a really big problem. he seems to only have a few problems. he only has one friend who he only sees in college, he stinks of BO, and he weighs about 19 stone, someone in work was slagging him off to me and i exploded at her saying she cudnt talk about my brother like that, but she was right.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:21 pm
by Jupiter
ouch hard one. well first foff im glad you get on well with him, thats good to hear.

does your bro know about his problem?

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:38 pm
by Laurajane
yeah its good you are close to him- me and my bro at that age were like cat and dog. It's a delicate issue and ten to one he is aware of it- especially his weight. You need to approach it lightly or get someone else perhaps in the family to? How is his diet? i'm guessing its not brill cos he's having weight probs? is there any chance he maybe depressed- not having many friends?

PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2005 11:54 pm
by just_me
well hes only got one friend of his own, and most of the time he hangs round with me an my friends, he knows about his weight problem but its not really his fault, he has a slow metabolism and he used to b on steroids when he was a little kid, as for the bo he dosent care because he says it doesnt effect him onbly the people around him so its not his prob, and so he refuses to do anything about it.

i need to help him sort himself out but i really dont know how to go about it, all i can really do at the mo is b his mate

PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 3:57 pm
by saz
Hi. It sounds as if your brother is a bit low and doesn't actually think a lot of himself... do you think he cares about himself very much? Not appearance wise, in general - does he like himself? Because he is probably quite aware of the 'faults' people pick out but he cannot be bothered or interested to do anything about them and doesnt really seem to even care very much. It could be that he just doesn't care about other people but if he doesn't like himself that could be part of it.

It isn't just people who feel they are overweight, from all walks of life people dont value themselves or have a lot of self respect. If he only has one friend then maybe he doesn't have a lot of confidence either and this is preventing him from making other friends.

If you are close try and talk to him again and explain to him that you do care and you dont want to see him unhappy. Have your parents noticed his behaviour? If so then maybe they could also talk to him and maybe offer to help him - if he wants help. He could go and see his doctor for some advice - you could go with him and dont nag but encourage him when he is in a nice mood, tell him what a nice person he is. Good luck.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 8:01 pm
by Laurajane
yeah definitely- its good to let him know you are there for him- you sound like a fab sister to me!

PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 10:33 pm
by SugarRainbows
I think saz is right, is it likely to be a self esteem problem?

It could be something called the self-fullfilling prophecy theory - where someone is told that they are something so much they believe it and then become it. It maybe be that because he has been bullied or teased about it, that he has stopped beliving in himself and become what he was being teased about.

If so you just need to build his self confidence again and assure him that he really is a wonderful person.