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My sister lets her bloke stay over when our parents are away

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 9:14 am
by LME79
Hi all

So, yeah, like the title says really. It may not seem like a problem to some of you and personally I would be fine with it only I know my parents would be unhappy with it. My mother is very religious and my dad, although not overly religious, woul not like it at all if he knew she was doing this.
My parents went to Birmingham yesterday afternoon for a two day conference and when I got in from work, I saw an overnight bag in the hallway and my sister's boyfriend was at our computer. Every time my parents go away recently she always has him over and he sleeps in her bedroom too.
Now, if it was just me and my sister living together I wouldn't have a problem with this but the fact is it's my parents' house and I believe their unwritten rules/conditions need to be complied with, out of respect. I've had boyfriends stay over in the past but I've always slept on the sofa or in my sister's room. Yes, I would have preferred to have them in the same bed but I have always respected my parents' wishes (especially seeing as it's their house).
Thing is, I can't help but feel my sister is taking the mickey a little bit because she knows I won't "squeal". However, my parents are going away for a month in March and I don't want him over every single night, which is bound to happen. I really really don't feel comfortable with it at all. I don't want to tell my parents but maybe I have to........I have no problem with my sister's boyfriend, it's just that I believe my parents' wishes should be respected.
If I try to talk to her, she shuns me all the time.

ARGH

Help!

LME xxxx

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:55 am
by lilessexgal
well hmmmm unless your a very strong person and can handle your sister disliking you and there being a massive arguement between your parents and your sister i would not advice dobbing because that is definately not the way to go!

is she older than you or younger?

and have you tried your very best with talking to her about respecting the family and the house!?

i totally agree with you she does need to respect it and is taking advantage of the fact that your parents are away.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 1:40 pm
by LME79
Hiya

My sister is 22, 18 months younger than I am. As I say, if I try to talk to her she shuns me or shouts at me and accuses me of "interfering" or "stirring", which upsets me. All I'm trying to do is the right thing by my parents. I respected their wishes so why can't she?

I've always been very open with my parents about my relationships i.e. my former boyfriends (and current boyfriend) have always been encouraged to talk to my parents etc, even if it's just to say a quick "hello, how are you" type of thing. My sister's boyfriend doesn't even do that. I remember I posted once about how she'd changed since she'd been with him and that's true. She shuns me and my family and almost sneaks out the house when she goes out.

:(

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 1:44 pm
by lilessexgal
hmmmm this is a tricky one! i think i can vaguley remember your post before (i have a bad memory)! so there is no way you could maybe talk to her boyfriend about it?

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:00 pm
by silver tree
This is a difficult position to be in as if your parents find out they will know you know and didn't tell them. Obviously though dobbing is not an option.

All you can do is try to talk to her and her boyfriend as calmly as possible, maybe over dinner or something. Maybe you could try to put the emphasis onto you rather than them, i.e. 'I'm obviously strange cos this is making me feel uncomfortable about our parents, is there anything we can do?'

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:22 pm
by all_apologies
Well everyone so far has said don't speak to your parents, but realistically I think it's the only way you can overcome this.

Fair enough, it's not good for siblings to 'tell on' each other, but you're not little kids anymore. Your sister is, perhaps unknowingly, putting you in a really awkward situation which just isn't fair.

You could advise your parents of what's happening in a "this didn't come from me" manner. Could your parents pretend they have heard from neighbours or something that her boyfriend was staying over all the time? It's a longshot but I really think they should be told if it's bugging you.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:07 pm
by lilessexgal
i suppose yes you could on the other hand dont say this came from me but did you know that (sisters name) had been having her boyfriend round to sleep while your away!? or you could somehow let them find out without you telling!

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:17 pm
by LME79
I'll have a think about that.......I have e-mailed my boyfriend to see if we can come up with a "cunning plan" because when my parents are next away, I don't want to have to cover for them.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 3:49 pm
by Fidel
Nice one 8)

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 5:57 pm
by Laurajane
hey i think that if your parents ask you then don't lie for her but if they dont then dont mention it cos it will cause rows beyond belief and they wont feel like they can go away and feel ok about it. How about you lay the law down with your sis and tell her its your home too and you dont want him there all the time, remind her of the rules and respect to your parents, and if they dont tell her you will be forced to tell them!

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 5:59 pm
by LME79
Thanks Laurajane, I think I may have to do that. I'm nervous about confronting my sister as she does get very defensive and angry. But something has to be done and I don't want him living in the house for a month when my parents next go away.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:24 pm
by all_apologies
Whether it's againt your parents' rules or not, it's not really fair on you anyway.

If my sister had her boyfriend living with just me and her I would not be best pleased. I would also have the courtesy not to have my boyfriend staying with us in return. Maybe you could use that against her to start with if you don't want to go straight in with the whole rule-breaking thing.

After all, it's your family home and not their own love nest!

PostPosted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 1:05 pm
by Laurajane
yeah its natural as when you have said things before to her- she's gotten cross with you.
I had to deal with a similiar situation with my brother and his girlfriend when my parents were away, although its not against their rules, she was stopping all the time, and i didnt even know her at that point but it was more the fact that they were both so messy and she didnt even acknowledge me in my own home lol!
They both should have respect towards you and and your parents, good luck anyway, hope you manage to sort it out.

PostPosted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 11:05 pm
by red-hot-raspberries
My parents didn't used to allow me to have lads to stop either. Once when they went away my boyfriend wanted to stop but I have a brother so I decided it would be only fair to ask if it was ok with him. He said he didn't like the idea and that was that. Its just respect isn't it? My boyfriend didn't like what I'd done but at the end of the day just having him stop over would have been rude, even though they did actually get on ok.
You sister is being rude. I don't know if telling your parents straight away would be a good idea but if you said you don't mind it every now and again but every day is too much because you'd feel uncomfortable then if she protested just remind her how loyal you're being by keeping her secret and ask her politely if she could be equally loyal to you. If not then I think you should tell your parents after all, you get what you give!