Page 1 of 1

i cant believe my sister! please help! my mum n i need it!

PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 4:04 pm
by mariamaria
Hi all

My mother and I are in desperate need of advice so please read this and give us some feedback.

My sister left today out of the blue. The thing is my ex boyfriend came to visit yesterday. I didn't want him to, but he persuaded me otherwise. So he came up and stayed the night. The next thing I know, him and my sister are speeding off in his car.

The only way we knew she left is because she left a note, which is as follows:

dear mum adn family, i know that you are goign to probably hate me for this but i have decided to go to london with mickey. it wasn't his idea so don't be blaming him i just feel that i need to get away and start a fresh new life. please dont hate me. i love you all and i think that this is for the best so that i dont hurt any of you more than i have but i promise if i dont like it there then i am coming back and no me and mickey are not an item if that is what you are thinking. i love you all and always will. sadya xxx

Please help us! We miss her terribly and we can't stop thinking about her. My mother is severely depressed and I am too. By the way she's 16 years old. I know, she probably is legal and there's nothing that we can do, but any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. Please please please leave some advice for me to read.



PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 6:43 pm
by all_apologies
I think it's important to let your sister know that you still love and miss her. She probably fled simply because she was with your ex, and thought you would all hate her for it.

If you can call/text her and tell her that this isn't the case, and you accept that she's perhaps in love with him, then she might come round. I'm sure she's probably just afraid of being rejected by your family. Tell her you want her home no matter who she's seeing, and see what her response is.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:11 pm
by lilessexgal
yes is there anyway you can contact her through phone? dont force her back but tell her you two will always be there for her and she doesnt have to be afraid to come back and tell ehr you miss her greatly and explain to her what it is doing to your mum because it might make her think twice.

im really sorry to hear about this it must be hard for you! 16 might be legal but is still very young! iv just turned 16 and could never think of myself living somehwere completely different with a life of my own for no reason at all so has she had any problems or anything to make her decide this?

PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 6:16 am
by mariamaria
Thank you very much for your replies. We do appreciate it, however, we don't think that Sadya and Mickey are an item. We hope they're not an item. Not after what he put me through when I went out with him.

I have told my sister that we love her and we always will. I also told her that we miss her very much. I must have bombarded her with about 20 text messages yesterday in the space of an hour.

Personally, I don't think that she'll want to stay in London with him. She'll find it's very hard and he's a very difficult person to live with. He can also be very manipulative and will probably make her do things that she really does not want to do. I told her that in one of my text messages aswell.

One of the reasons I think she fled to London is because she has a lot of friends there that she met over the Internet. Lots of guys that she knows. Mickey told me that she didnt wan't to pay the £20-odd pound coach fare to get to London, so she decided to go with him.

We have told her that we want her home and we miss her terribly, but I haven't had a response yet. We do miss her terribly. She's my baby sister. My only sister. My natural instinct is to protect her from people like Mickey who I know are less than pure.

They have agreed to stay in touch and we have agreed to call her every couple of days to see how she is doing and to call Mickey and see how he is coping with her. She can be quite difficult too.

I've already told her that my mum has gotten really depressed over her leaving us. I have too. And my 7 year old brother is constantly asking, "Where's Sadya? Is she coming home today?" I don't know what to say to him because he's so young and he probably won't understand.

Sadya is a very closed book. If she has any problems she doesnt tell myself or my mother about them. We never knew anything about her personal life. Everytime I think about her I cry. I cried myself to sleep last night. I stepped in her room and I cried. My dog isnt eating. I think she knows whats going on. She's constantly whimpering ever since my sister left.

My sister has left all of the pieces for me to pick up regarding my mother. I try to smile and tell her she'll come back but besides that my mother doesn't want to talk about her because she says that it will only get her more down than she already is.

I know this sounds daft but I have contemplated suicide if she doesnt come back. It's stupid because I'll be leavin the rest of my family and my dog behind, but it's how I feel. It's how she has affected us.

Please write back with more advice.

Thank you


PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 9:54 am
by Jo
This is a horrible situation for you and there's no easy answer.

The first thing I am thinking at the moment is that maybe someone should sit down with your brother and explain exactly what's going on - in a way that he can understand. Don't invent a story, just tell him what's happened and that its OK to be sad about it. Its normal for people to move away sometimes so there is no need to make it sound too traumatic.

Children understand a lot more than you think and it sounds to me as though someone needs to break the cycle of not talking about difficult feelings. If this doesn't happen there is a danger of him also growing up unable to talk about his problems.

As for your sister, you can't exactly go and drag her back (that's your mum's job!). I think you are already doing all you can by keeping up the contact and making sure she knows the door is open - sometimes that's the only thing you can do. Is your mum also keeping in contact with her?

PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 10:24 am
by mariamaria
Yes, my mum and I are both keeping in contact with her but it's so hard for both of us to talk to her knowing that she is so far away. We're used to her being here with us doing everyday things. It hurts so badly. We both really want her back but like you said, we can't drag her back and my mum refuses to do so anyway.

My sister is a lovely person and a beautiful girl. We are afraid that she will be manipulated by my ex or whoever she visits while she is in London. I can't stop thinking about them both there. I can't sleep or eat. If she comes back I will make myself a better person and make her home life more bearable because she must have thought it unbearable to live here if she left.

Thank you for replying. Is there anything else that we could possibly do?


PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 12:27 pm
by smile

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment. Just let her know that you're always be there for her. You could try asking her to come back at the weekend for a day or so just to talk things through, make it clear though that there's no obligation to stay once she comes back but it sounds like you all need a good chat and need to tell each other how you feel.

Don't pressure her too much because she'll come back when she's ready. It's really good that she's allowing you to keep in contact with her though and that's a really positive sign.