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Difficult sister

PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 11:54 am
by sean83
I'm 22 and have three siblings, a younger brother 12yrs and two older sisters 24 and 26. My younger brother and oldest sister 26, have always got on and we talk to each other easily. But my sister of 24 yrs, has always been difficult, she use to frequently fall out with all of when we lived at home. She tried to take control of everything by trying to order every one about by demanding we do certain house chores, she even spoke down to my eldest sister who is 2 yrs older than her. And everytime when there was a family gathering she would bring up stuff from the past or silly things we use to do as a kid and use us to joke and patronise us to the rest of family.

But about 4 yrs ago our mother died, it was pretty hard on us all particularly my father. But now my father has met someone new, and is planning to get married next year, I am happy for him and we all are apart from my second oldest sister. This really upsets my father and my sister can't stand his fiancee, I don't really understand why, she is a really nice person. My father says she is jealous of his fiancee because she does'nt get to have her say on the relationship. My dad had travelled up to my sisters a few times to try and settle it out but she won't have any of it, he said she was telling him when he should have the wedding and that he should do this and that, my father was disgusted. And everytime she comes over, she drops in little smart and sly comments in conversations to the rest of the family, but she kind of has always been like that even before our mother died. My Grandmother is having a golden wedding anniversary and has invited all of the family to a holiday in Spain. I'm really looking forward to it, but I know my sister is most likely to drink to much at some point and start making nasty comments or jokes to me, my father or his fiancee.

She can be nice when she wants to be but she does'nt like my father's new relationship because it effects her, not him. What should I do if she starts making jokes or nasty comments to me? I don't think she means it intentionally toward me most of the time but she just seems to get carried away, particularly when she has had abit to drink. But she does mean it intentionally towards my father and his fiancee.

PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 12:50 pm
by singingsmiler
Have you ever spoken to our sister about the way you feel? She may not realise the effect she is having with these comments to you. Unforunately alcohol can have a very negative effect on some people and this seems to be the case here.

Your sister probably feels threatened by your dad's new relationship which is understandable as she feels that she is not in the same position with your dad and she is struggling to accept someone new.

I think you should talk to her about - how you feel and see if you can resolve things between you and her - then maybe talk about the issues with your dad's realtionship.

Good luck
SS xx

PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 9:45 am
by JennaXXX
I agree you should talk to your sister about this. She needs to know the effect she is having on the rest of the family.
After reading your post I think that she sounds very insecure and hurt. I think the nasty comments and slyness is a cover up for all these horrible destructive feelings she has inside.. She doesn't seem happy at all.
Let her know that you will be there for her but that she has to start thinking about other peoples feelings. Tell her that your dad deserves to be happy and she should work on being pleased for him.

PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 1:03 pm
by sean83
My sister is very hard to reason with, she is very defensive and does not take well to any sort of critisism, my dad has tried speaking to her but nothing worked. It will be even more harder for me to speak to her as she feels superior towards me, if I speak to her it will most likely result in an arguement and another falling out.