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Brother concerns after death of Dad.

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 6:44 pm
by Kayleigh1983
My Dad died suddenly 12 days before Christmas. He was only 47 and the whole family obviously miss him and this was the worst Christmas ever..

I have a younger brother who has just turned 10 years old, he doesn't cry much, and since Dad's death has taken to being very demanding and constantly seeks attention by misbehaving. I am worried he doesn't know how to deal with the death of his Dad and I don't know what to do. My Mum is still a bit of a mess and seems distant. I'm worried about her too but I'm not sure how to deal with my brother.

Any advice?

PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 8:06 pm
by Bexical
Im sorry about your dad, death is never easy and i dont cope at all with it i start thinking things i can do to myself cos its my fault i blame myself for it. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your family doctor it will be confidentual but he may be able to advise you on how to deal with them. Encourgae both of them to talk to a grief councellor these people are trained to help you all cope. It sounds like your brother doesnt know how to cope and wants to be noticed. I think at some point normality needs to set in if everythings chamged since he died then this could have had an affect on him. Like i said its never easy, try to reassure your brother abotu loving and caring for him and if he wants to talk about anything your there at least he knows then same for your mum, definatly seek advice from a doctor or councellor you cant do it alone

PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2006 11:17 am
by LICKLELEA
Hi Kayleigh

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad and the problems that you've been encountering with your family. Just make sure that you get a chance to grieve before you think about anyone else.

Your mum and brother are obviously still very shocked about his sudden departure and thats understandable. I think Bexical's idea of seeing your GP will help you immensely as it will take the pressure off of you.

I think that you are right that your brother isn't coping with his emotions very well and the only thing I can say is that me needs time. My friend's little brother went through the same thing when their grandad died, he never cried but after a few weeks he cracked and broke down.

You need to find a way to talk through things - has your brother got anyone he looks up to? an auntie or uncle - someone who is close to but doesn't live with? Do you think they could possibly take him out for the day to speak to him about your dad? you may find that someone outside of the family home will get somewhere with him.

Do consider seeing a counseller yourself as well as insisting that your mum and brother go too (if you don't think she is coping). All you can do is be there for your family and let them be there for you, don't try to be brave and ignore your own emotions you need to work through these too.

Good Luck - things will feel better as time goes on but you will always remember your dad. Think of the good times you had together and I hope he is happy wherever he is now. :grouphug:

PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:57 pm
by Bubble
Very good advice there from Licklelea.

Firstly I would like to offer my condolances for your loss.

The thought of seeing a counsellor can seem very daunting, especially when you have to talk all about things which are most private to you. As your brother is still quite young i would imagine that he is finding it hard to find his own way to deal with things, especially as i assume he's now the 'man' of the house.

When my uncle died suddenly everyone in the family was completely shocked and it took a while for people to grieve. What we found worked well for our family was when we all got together for a family event and started talking about all the fun times we'd had with him and all the silly things he used to do it really helped bond everyone in grief because everyone laughed when they thought of it.

I once attended an Irish funeral and to be honest we had a wonderful time at the wake because we celebrated the mans life instead of mourning him in death. What you always need to remember is that loved ones that have passed away have only passed over to the next stage of things and no one can ever take your memories from you so try to always remember the good things about your dad and encourage your brother to talk about them with you.

I hope this can help you, It will get easier as time passes!