he was staring through my door

For problems with parents, whatever your age...

he was staring through my door

Postby monkeystar » Mon Dec 11, 2006 10:09 am

my stepdad works away and is only at home mon night to wed night. every morning when he's been home for the past 2 weeks i saw my stepdad staring at my through my door when i get changed. my door doesnt close properly so it leaves a gap between the door and my wall. i have a mirror built into the wall opposite my door and through that you can see everything in my room.
i'm too scared to tell any one. i can't tell my mum or sister because they won't believe me and my mum and stepdad will argue even more. i can't tell my real dad because he already dislikes my stepdad with a passion and has hit him several times in the past. i'm too embarrassed to tell my friends and i'm too scared of what my boyfriend will do if i tell him.
i'm 16 and don't know what i can do about this and im really scared of being at home when my mum's at work and my boyfriend isn't around. please help
User avatar
monkeystar
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby dollydiamond » Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:04 pm

try confronting him about the situation!! tell him that he has to stop doing it because it is making you feel intim intimidated and if that doesnt work maybe u shud get your mum to be in your room for the time that he is normally stood outside the door and then she has no option but to bieleve you!!!
hope this helps!
let me know how you get on!
XxXxXxX
iloveyou.. xx
User avatar
dollydiamond
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:46 am

Postby chosenfew » Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:29 pm

next time you see him do it i would open the door and ask him what he is doing. i feel sick reading this. that is just not right. [-X why dont you start getting changed in the bathroom or somewhere were the door has a lock on. you really do need to tell someone about this if you dont confrunt him. that is really wrong what he is doing. your his wifes daughter that kinda makes him family.
User avatar
chosenfew
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 785
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2006 2:47 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Postby monkeystar » Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:17 pm

im too scared to ask my mum to come in with me and im too scared to confront him. i was thinking of giving my best friend and boyfriend the link to this topic (they dont know im on here) and then hoping they'd understand but im not too sure, maybe they could help me confront my stepdad, they spend enough time at my house they practically live with me so it wouldn't be as bad, like if they were in another room near me?
User avatar
monkeystar
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby peecee » Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:20 pm

Or wait until your mum and your stepdad are in the room together, and ask him, in front of her, if he can fix your door, because it doesn't shut properly. Look him in the eye, and be firm about it - he'll know you've seen him, and you're definitely NOT giving him an invitation.
Shine your light and let the whole world see.
User avatar
peecee
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5658
Joined: Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:24 am
Location: hard to say
Gender: Female

Postby monkeystar » Tue Dec 12, 2006 4:04 pm

my stepdad is back now. i've told my boyfriend and he's told his mum. she give me some ideas like putting a bathrobe over my door to cover the gap or putting a poster over my mirror when he's at home, but she swore not to tell my mum or any one (and they are very close). my boyfriend is being very understanding and not doing anything i dont want him to. thanks for all the help, ill post again to say what happens when he goes.

:grouphug: hugs for all who helped
Last edited by monkeystar on Mon Dec 18, 2006 7:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
monkeystar
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby dollydiamond » Tue Dec 12, 2006 10:42 pm

im glad its all sorted well hopefully! im really sorry ma advice wasnt helpful!
iloveyou.. xx
User avatar
dollydiamond
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:46 am

Postby chat noir » Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:39 am

peecee wrote:Or wait until your mum and your stepdad are in the room together, and ask him, in front of her, if he can fix your door, because it doesn't shut properly. Look him in the eye, and be firm about it - he'll know you've seen him, and you're definitely NOT giving him an invitation.
that sounds like good advice, he wont kick up a fuss in front of your mum, surely!
chat noir
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 216
Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 7:02 pm

Postby monkeystar » Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:39 pm

my stepdads gone away again now and i didn't see him staring at me this week! i now have xmas cards covering a patch of my mirror, hopefully (if i have nice friends) i will get more so i have them all over my mirror!
User avatar
monkeystar
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Wild Sage » Mon Dec 18, 2006 6:49 pm

i would send you bout 600 cristmas cards if i was aloud to know your adress. but dont send it il get in trouble probs for asking for real life info. your step dad should not be doing that it is a total violation of privacy. you should get a picture of a very ugly man naked and put it over your mirror so when your dad looks in then he gets a surprise that he wont like.
Borders are scratched across the hearts of men
By strangers with a calm, judicial pen,
And when the borders bleed we watch with dread
The lines of ink across the map turn red.
User avatar
Wild Sage
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 86
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:44 pm
Location: Silver woods

Postby disturbed_mind » Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:11 pm

peecee wrote:Or wait until your mum and your stepdad are in the room together, and ask him, in front of her, if he can fix your door, because it doesn't shut properly.


or if you really dont want to tell anyone in your family then ask someone else to fix your door. like your boyfriend or someone from your school or something
Nothing worth having comes easily
disturbed_mind
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:45 pm

Postby monkeystar » Mon Jul 30, 2007 2:25 pm

ok thanks to everyone who helped! i didnt post for a while but it stated happening again. i told my sister who told me he did similar things to her too. theres a hole to get to the attic in the bathroom and its obviously covered but she said she saw him up there looking when she was in the shower. she also found his phone recording in the bathroom (hidden in a bag) pointed at the shower, i realised id seen this bag as well but thought nothing of it. he has also touched my sister when she has been partially asleep or drunk (shes 14 and it started 2years ago).
any way, we told our mum and she kickd him out. but then he said sorry and stuff and him and mum started getting on as friends and he stayed over at our house (i slept at my boyfriends and my sister has slept at my grandads everynight since). my mum searched what he had been buyin on his ebay account and found a secret camera, she asked him and he said it was for his sister (coz her boyfriend is abusive and tried to kill her), my mum accepted this but it was in her head all the time.
he stayed at our house a few weeks ago and me and my sister were out obviously, that morning my mum rang my boyfriends stepdad (because they're good friends) and we went to mine and searched the entire house because my mum found the reciever and stuff for the camera but there was no camera with it.
in the end we didnt find the camera BUT we found a blob of blutack under the sink where something had been pushed in it. it was small enough to be a hidden camera. it was either pointing at the shower (we recently got a bath though so it would be covered with the shower curtain) or at the toilet (and we all know whats revealed there)!
my mum confronted him on the situation and he admitted to having 3 cameras which he has hidden. 1 didnt work, 1 was the family camcorder and the one he bought off ebay. he said he only got them to see if me and my boyfriend were going upstairs together when he was at work (its a family rule that we not allowed upstairs together coz mum doesnt like to admit that im having sex).
obviously they've argued a lot and he's denied a lot but everyone can see whats happened and he's trying to screw my mum over with the house and stuff. in the end shes agreed to give him the decent car in exchange for the crappy car and she's giving him about £15grand after we've sold the house BUT mums not allowed to take him to court after what he's done. IF she did he would take her to court and demand 40% of the house and stuff AND he's got an excuse for everything he's done. the phone was never in the bathroom, he used the cameras to check i wasnt doing anything i wasnt meant to (aka free porn), he touched my sister accidentily when she was drunk and fell and when he's reached over he to get something, he was looking for something in the attic and the cover moved on accident, he was waiting to go to the toilet when i thought he was looking through my door (coz everyone takes that long on the loo)!!
hes annoyed me to the max! we've had all the locks changed on the house but everytime i hear a door open or close, or a bang or the floor creak i think he's back and im scared to be in the house alone. my sister has practically moved to my grandads because she doesnt feel safe. when i sleep at home, my boyfriend sleeps most of the time and if he doesnt i wake up everytime i hear a noise (like nextdoor moving around), i also keep sleeping at my boyfriends house coz i feel safer there.

i just thought i'd let every one know how its turned out now. our house is up for sale (with red rose, PLEASE BUY IT!!) coz theres too many bad memories. mum is good friends with another bloke now and he treats her (and me and my sister) right so i dont care if she gets involved with him coz if she doesnt im going to feel like its my fault shes alone. and my exstepdad is possibly moving to spain when the house is sold and everything is over so i hopefully wont see him again ever!! and if i do, id seriously go mental at him


edited by all_apologies: no swearing, thanks
User avatar
monkeystar
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby Bev » Mon Jul 30, 2007 4:06 pm

Its good that your mum knows what you have been through, but if you want an honest answer from me, you need to tell the police, from what i've written your exstepdad is blackmailing your mum. Your mum seems scared that if she doesn't give him what he wants then he'll be a consent threat to your lives. Yes it probably is better that way, give him the money, the car get him out of your life, but that might not (and dont want to scare you here) satisfy him, he might keep coming back for more money.

You and your sister need to be strong and from your posts on here, you are being as strong as possible, but even if your mum doesn't report all the things you have put on here to the police, why don't you report it yourself. Look police take things like this seriously and yes it will be your word against his, but its not just your word, your sister also is part of all this and with the ebay account showing a secret camera, the police will be very interested in that.

You've been very brave coming back on here and letting people know the outcome of everything. I can relate to your fear of the things that go bump in the night. I understand what it must be like for you, the little trick i do to keep my nerves calm at night is to go and check that all the doors and windows are closed and locked myself, that way you know yourself you are locked in. I also and at 25 it is a bit weird, but i also have a radio playing in the bedroom on a very low volume. It helps me sleep.

Hope i've helped in some way
Bev
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 3:20 pm
Location: Chesterfield Derbyshire

Postby all_apologies » Mon Jul 30, 2007 5:14 pm

Hey,

wow what a situation, it must have been awful. Glad to hear that you've discovered what he's up to though, and your mum has kicked him out.

I totally agree with Bev - he's blackmailing your family, and should be reported. You've even got this thread here dating back to December to show how long you've been worried, and evidence like his eBay history. I honestly think it's in your best interests to talk to the police about it. Don't let him get away with it; who's to say his next partner won't have daughters your age or even younger, who aren't as wise to his ways?

Good luck, and keep us posted.
User avatar
all_apologies
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3543
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:30 pm
Gender: Female

Postby The Lady » Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:22 pm

Hi Monkeystar,
I realise that things aren't exactly ideal, what with you having to leave your home, and feeling insecure, but I'm so glad that he's out of there for good and that you and your sister are safe! I had such a bad feeling about this guy that I've been keeping an eye on this topic ever since to see what's happening.

Love Lani
XXXX
User avatar
The Lady
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 209
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 1:24 am

Next

Return to Parents

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest