I disowned my mum...am I wrong?

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I disowned my mum...am I wrong?

Postby GracieJo » Fri Apr 20, 2007 1:07 pm

Hi I
Last edited by GracieJo on Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby silver tree » Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:13 pm

Hi GracieJo,

I'm not a mother, I'm not pregnant and I'm not planning to be for a while. However, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want a child of mine to meet a woman like that. If she was capable of doing that to you then she's capable of hurting her grandchild as well, especially as she hasn't seemed to have shown any remorse for what she did. I'm sure your baby will understand (when they are older) why they couldn't have a relationship with her.

I don't think blood ties are always the most important. You may have a close friend or an aunt that ends up fulfilling the 'grandmother' role in your child's life. As long as they have people that love them around them it doesn't matter who they are related to.
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Postby hanwap » Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:25 pm

Hi there, I replied to your other thread about your fiance earlier. You really have been through it haven't you? Firstly I think you're an incredibly brave person for having come through all this. I've got to ask before anything else though; have you ever had any councelling for what you've been through? You say you feel nothing towards her but just sat here reading your thread, I'm absolutley livid with her myself and I don't even know you!! This woman abused you. She let you down in so many ways when she should have been the one protecting you. I'd argue that you do have feelings for her but maybe you don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has had an effect on you, or it's been so long you figure that you must be over it by now. I don't know, I'm not a councellor but maybe you should think about getting some independent advice - but only if you think it would help just to talk about it and see what comes up. Not only that but those horrible boys - how has that effected you? I'm really sorry if I'm saying things you don't want to hear or go into, but it sounds like you've got a lot on your mind at the moment what with this, the baby and your fiance (and considering uni etc etc) - it might help just to go and talk to someone. Even the Samaritans, just to get stuff off your chest? Keep in touch with us on this forum and let us know how you get on xxx PS: Is your dad still around? What does he think? x
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Postby GracieJo » Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:00 pm

Hi I
Last edited by GracieJo on Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby brfc » Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:43 pm

i believe that if she hasnt tried contacting you then the chances are she is still the awfull person that she seems too have been. i wouldnt bother getting back in touch as i think dragging up the past wont be of benefit too you or you new child.

ive just recently had a little boy and i will try too bring him up the best way i know how. i dont think anything in my past could change how i love my little boy and although you have had a really bad past i think you will go all out too be a better mum too your newborn than your mum was too you. i really dont think you will be a bad mum.

let us know how you get on. take care brfc x
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Postby The Lady » Sun Apr 22, 2007 10:21 pm

Hi there Gracie Jo
Honey if your mum had changed at all she would be begging for your forgiveness every minute of everyday... I do not believe that her having contact with you or your baby is safe at all. When your child is old enough to decide from themselves, knowing why you were protecting them fromtheir grandmother, then they can decide whether to have anything to do with them themselves (i'm talking 16 /18+years old)
I disowned my mum when I was 2months pregnant, to protect myself and my baby. I did feel guilty at first, but I got over it! Don't give in to people saying 'aww but she's your mum, you must love her deep down blah blah blah' stick to your guns!

By the way, my mum did some things very similar to yours, made me feel worthless all my life etc, but I've found bringing up my daughter the 'right' way a very healing experience. I hope you do too!!!
pm me if you need to hun

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Postby Bexical » Sun Apr 22, 2007 10:55 pm

Hiya hun, that is a really tough situation but one i know very well of myself as my dad went through a similar situation when he was younger by his father, he used to have his hands trapped in doors, he used to be beat up and he could never go to school because of it, he was the only one out of the whole family this happened to, he has got 5 sisters but he was the only son. His dad never looked after and bought up his own kids but would father other and treat other which i think is wrong and my dads other sisters havent forgot about what he did.

In my dads case he didn't have proper contact with his dad for about 20 years and its only in the past 5 that he has been in contact with him, Unfortunatly now he his in hospital and probably wont live to the end of this week he has been by his bedside for the past few days and even though he went through all that as a child up until he left home to be with my mum he is still very upset. At the end of the day she is still your mum and when something serious happens like what has happened to my family this week with my dads dad dying, you realise a few things. I dont want this to sound horrible but when something happens to your mum I think you will pull together with your sister and may become closer.

I had never even seen my grandad up until about 2 years ago because my father seemed to protect me from him, but now that hes dying I really wish i could have seen for myself what he was like as a person and got to know him because as he has got older he has mellowed and calmed down alot.

I am so sorry this is long but i am in that postion that your baby could be in, in about 18 years time. I know my dad did what was best at the end of the day and i respect what they did to me but he was still my grandad and being sat in the ICU department of hospital watching a man i didnt get chance to meet properly die hurts me inside and i got very emotional. I do feel like i have been robbed of the chance to be treated by my grandad, as i never even got a birthday card from his because he didnt know about me, he had a right to i think as I would have been his blood and he has been robbed of me as well, i'm trying to make up for it now by spending time at the hospital when he really needs me.

Your daughter will be the most precious thing and only you know what is best for you both, maybe you could try to get in contact by letter first to your mum and explain a few thigns to her without actually meeting her. Good luck with everything
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