Stepdad's comments make me feel uncomfortable..

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Stepdad's comments make me feel uncomfortable..

Postby yessica » Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:09 pm

I live with my mum and my stepdad and its been like that for about 12 years or so. But recently, as ive been developing into a women and losing weight and getting the figure ive always wanted, ive noticed my stepdad taking a quick look at my cleavage and he often makes comments that make me feel really uncomfortable like trying to pressure my to wear short skirts, low-cut tops and boots and say "oh the lads will like it".

It's really weird cos ive always seen him as a father figure and now he's starting to make me feel like he's perving at me. I start to cover up when im around him cos I feel really insecure. I hate it when my mum goes away for a few days I know he would never do anything but I don't feel very comfortable. I'm leaving home in about a year so there's no point bringing it up with my mum.

What I don't understand is he's trying to encourage guys to lear at me but he's really overprotective of me when it comes to guys. He doesn't trust my bf which drives me insane but ive got to live with it.

He can sometimes make pervy comments about my sister. She's alot older than me and never knew him as a father so it's not the same but it's still not right. I don't know what to do.

About a month ago I bought a costume for a fancy dress party and I didn't want him to see it - it's quite tight anda leather-like material - I spose a bit kinky lol. I tried it on for my mum cos I really liked it + wanted her opinion on something but he followed her in and I felt really uncomfortable wearing it infront of him. Sure enough he made several comments and it really creeps me out.

I really want to tell someone but I don't want to tell my friends incase they think he's a perv. I'm probably jsut mis-judging the situation but how he makes me feel is important, right? I might talk to my bf about it cos I can really trust him but I don't think my stepdad would want me talkign to my family about it.
:D Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and they all think you're on drugs :lol:
xoxoxox
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Postby So_Naive » Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:09 am

Aw, I feel for you. You must feel a bit scared and confused. I think if he says something again that makes you feel uncomfy i think you should just tell him that you dont like him saying stuff like that. or if you dont want to say anything just make a face at him that would make him uncomfy but like you said your going to be leaving in a year so you'll just have to be patient....xxxXXxxx
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Postby The Lady » Sat Jun 30, 2007 10:11 pm

Hi Yessica
Please please please put your own gut instincts first and protect yourself from this man. I know you feel that he would never do anything, but just in case, better safe than sorry.
Try to avoid situations where you are alone with him at all costs.
Although you have the right to wear whatever makes you feel comfortable in your own home, you may feel more comfortable if you cover up when he's around, and try to avoid hanging about in your dressing gown / nightie after a shower / bath / before bed.
Really I should be advising you to tell your mum, and I have to say if I was your mum, he'd be out on his ear, but I realise that you might not want to rock the boat, and with you having a short time at home left, I can see why you'd want to wait it out. However, if he shows ANY sign of intensifying his behaviour, then you have to tell your mum and other family members everything, then either he goes, or if not, you must go and stay somewhere that is safe for you.
Signs would include:
Making any sexual suggestions that make you uncomfortable
Attempting to touch you in a sexual way, e.g. a 'friendly' pat / slap on the bum
Trying to be alone with you without a clear and good reason
and so on. Please don't dismiss any of these signs, I guarantee you that he doesn't see you as just a daughter, and does think of you in a sexual way.

Lani
p.m. me if you need to hun
XXXX
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Postby yessica » Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:49 pm

Thanks guys but now i'm a little confused.. 2 different views there..
:D Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and they all think you're on drugs :lol:
xoxoxox
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Postby retrochav » Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:20 pm

two views are good because you can choose whether to take either, both or none of the advice!

My advice would be to tell him that you find his comments uncomfortable. Its never easy to confront these issues, but if he knows he will either

* appoligise and stop. Even if he does say that your immagining things!

* dismiss you and carry on.

If he opts for the first reaction and behaves himself then all is fine. If he finds your mum attractive, its natural he will notice you as a younger version. However, he should realise that you are the closest link to a daughter and its not appropriate behaviour. He should hopefully feel embarressed and stop.

Alternatively, he will see nothing wrong in his behaviour. At which point, ask your mum to have a word and explain you want to live in a happy house.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby yessica » Sun Jul 01, 2007 8:57 pm

Thanks for your great advice everyone. It's made me feel alot better.
:D Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and they all think you're on drugs :lol:
xoxoxox
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Postby monkeystar » Mon Jul 30, 2007 2:00 pm

can i ask what you did about the situation?
i was in a situation like this and did nothing about it and it got worse (luckily its all resolved now), so i was just curious as to how its turned out for you?
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