controlling dad

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controlling dad

Postby brfc » Wed Oct 31, 2007 8:43 am

when i used too live at home my dad told me what to wear and i was in a job that i didnt like but he thought it was good so made me stay there.

fast forward a few years i moved away and have now got a g/f and 7 month old boy. this weekend just gone i went down to visit them with my g/f. my jeans were wet so i wore some track suit bottoms down and dried my jeans down there.

had a nice time but i just got back home to find a e-mail from my dad saying i need new jeans. (i just bought them 2 weeks ago) and i looked like a tramp and need to lose weight etc

This really annoys me! i always make the effort too see them. they hardly visit me. and when i do go and visit , my dad still trys too tell me how too look and what too wear.

i really feel i only bother for my mums sake sometimes. i think my dad suffers from depression but i bet he wont admit it. just sits there in his arm chair and hardly says a word.
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Postby Z3girl » Wed Oct 31, 2007 12:11 pm

Thats charming of your dad to say you look like a tramp and need to lose weight!!! He could of emailed you to thank you for coming to see him and how nice it was to see your girlfriend and the baby!

Your mum sounds nice and at least you was able to see her! :D

Dont take any notice of your dad. As you say he is trying to be controlling!
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Nov 01, 2007 2:03 pm

Your dad has sucha sad life I think he is jealous and trying to bring you down to make himself feel better
It's funny how he didn't tell you what he thought while you wre there but hid behind a e mail
He is a coward and you should be proud that you are who you are not who he wants you to be
Despite him controlling you before you have got away a made a life for yourself - well done
Anyway everyone has differnt taste in clothes , I don't know many peopel who woudl take advice from their dad
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Postby brfc » Thu Nov 01, 2007 11:41 pm

yeh i could never live at home with him again. he,d drive me mad! funny thing is he slobs around in track suit bottoms so how can he tell me what to wear!
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Postby peecee » Fri Nov 02, 2007 12:21 am

Ah. The "irritating daddy" syndrome... :D

Honey, when my mum died and my dad turned into a right git, my sister and I twisted ourselves into knots and gave ourselves ulcers about the things our dad did/said.

300 years later, we've learned that we're old and ugly enough to look after ourselves; that we're going to live our lives our own way, like our dad did; that our dad's opinion doesn't hurt us any more. BUT - we would respect him, and take whatever good we could from our upbringing, because he's our dad. He's old and very ill now, long story, tell you later. But nothing he did in the past matters now, he needs us, and we're very glad to be there for him. He did his best for us, as far as he could, and we're not going to forget that.

Eneeway! In the intervening 300 years, we've learned that we have to live our lives the best way we can, and you seem to be doing that, petal. I think your dad is trying to make contact with you the only way he knows how. My mum used to criticise my dress sense and other stuff, but I know she loved me loads, and I know she and I couldn't communicate easily - so she did it her way, and it's the same way your dad is doing to you. I honestly think your dad is secretly very proud of you, but can't say it.

Come on - how many dads make a point of telling their grown-up boys they need new jeans, and making it a serious insult? Dads just don't do that! Trust me, me darling, it's his way of making contact. It's up to you, a cheerful bloke with a partner and child, to take it like a grown-up, and not let it upset you.

Easy to say, eh? :roll:

pm me if you need to talk about narky old dads, hun... :wink:

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Postby brfc » Fri Nov 02, 2007 11:04 pm

hehe thx peecee your post has cheered me up. im sure he does love me in his own way. parents have a funny way of showing it sometimes eh? :D
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