Can fathers change from bad to nice?

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Can fathers change from bad to nice?

Postby Empathy » Thu Jan 31, 2008 12:36 am

I swear to god im telling the truth

In the past ive never got on with my father due to many reasons. From the age of 11 i witnessed domestic abuse and therefore then ive become overly protective. One situation made my father punch through glass door in temper and was drunk and aimed some glass at my mum. Ever since, ive taken every shot for her including punches and kicks. Once he went to hit my mother and i jumped in front and he tried pushing me away but i wudnt and therefore he nearly strangled me. I couldnt say anything to anyone as my mum still loved him. I always took the beating after that as he thinks i was trying to be the hard man but as the oldest son, it is my job to protect my mother.

Well they both divorced and it was like an angel singing into my ears. My father met another woman whom he is very loyal to and nothing like he was with us and he keeps asking me to go down pub to have drinks with him "on a clean slate". Ive never accepted this except on christmas with my older sister and now he offers me everything i want but dont i would rather work to have wat i want. His abusing days are behind us but i just cant forgive him at all, especially nearlly killing me.

Now every man my mum or older sister brings home im protective over them and my brothers and this interferes with our relationships. My mums boyfriend is really nice but i still dont trust him as i dont know alot about him.

This also has moved towards my friends now as well
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jan 31, 2008 10:59 am

I have witnessed domestic violence too but as a girl it wasn't as easy for me to defend my mum although verbally I did. He would never hit me as I told him I wasn't scared (when i actually was terrified) and I would go to the police the second he laid his hands on me. I had to run to the phonebox many times, naked in my teens, to call the police. Once they arrived he would always sweet talk them and my mum refused to press charges. But I still think she could have died if they hadn't arrived when they did sometimes.
It is totally understanable that you feel the need to be protective towards people especially your mum but you have to decide when your crossing the line and it is becoming interferance. Sometimes telling people someon is no good for them makes them want to prove you worng too.
Does your mums new man know about the past, if he does why don't you sit him down and have a chat and tell him you want to get to know him better because your mum is so importnat to you and you want to make sure she is looked after. I think he will totally understand that. Then actually get to know him and hopefully you can build trust with him.
Thats the key to build trust and that takes time.
Pehasp you could ask a really close friend if they think your too involved and protective over friends. Some might welcome it and fell blessed that you look out for the of course.
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Postby morris mouse » Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:06 am

Bel Bel wrote:Does your mums new man know about the past, if he does why don't you sit him down and have a chat and tell him you want to get to know him better because your mum is so importnat to you and you want to make sure she is looked after.


I agree with "Bel Bel"

It would be very good,also,to build up some trust with you're mum's
boyfriend. As you say,he is really nice.!!! :D
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