my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

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my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby kerrie24 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:57 am

I dont know what to do,she is getting worse and worse.As I said in another post,she asked me to add her on facebook and she is constanly commenting on all my things,putting horrible photos of me on and tagging them,talking to my friends etc.Today I logged on to find this lad (who she has never met or spoken to) has added her as a friend.He is a friend of mine and my partners.She invited the same lad to her house for a bbq via facebook.She also discusses things such as planned days out,family bbqs,parties etc so that people who we barely know invite themselves along.Then she says they are her friends.People who are my friends have commented how it would get on their nerves if their mam did stuff like this,but I dont know what to do,I havent mentioned it up till now because I feel sorry for her,but i think she needs to make her own life,not try to live mine.
Once I did say to her will she stop putting stuff up like what we were doing etc,i mean she has a phone if she wants to discuss plans and stuff.So she deleted all her comments and wrote something like '**** is not entitled to any opinions'. How petty,she is a 45 year old woman for gods sake!Anyway that didnt last long,shes back to normal now.
Aswel as that she phones me at least twice a day,comes to my house if I havent seen her for a day or two,tries to tell me how to raise my kids and sometimes puts me down or tries to undermine me.Ifeel like most of my decisions are based around what she will say or think,just to keep the peace.But then that causes arguments with my partner.Ihave 2 brothers and a sister and she is not the same with them,they have their own lives.
Im sorry this is so long its been building up for a while(i could go on) I dont even know what anyone can say i just needed to say it to prove to myself im not over-reacting. ](*,)
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Re: my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:04 pm

She is obviously jelaous of your life

Make some ground rules, tell her she must phone before coming round or she will not be able to come in. You need quality time wiht the kids and your partner without other people there and that includes her (make it sound like your not just saying this to her)

Can you talk to your siblings and see if one of them can have a word with her about the facebook stuff

I know it's sad but you can't actually stop her but you can protest but not going to any events she plans. Also if you make plans and intend to invite her wait til the last minute so she can't invite other people
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Re: my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:06 pm

I agree with Bel Bel.

I did think try and talk to her but it seems you have and it's not got through to her. Are you the youngest or oldest by any chance? My only other suggestion was to delete her from your face book.
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Re: my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby kerrie24 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:12 pm

I am the oldest,I am the one that went wrong,so to speak.I got all my grades,stayed on at school etc(which none of the others have done),then I went and got pregnant!Now every time anything comes up,she`ll say 'well I loosened the riens on the others cos I was strict with you and look what happened' or something along those lines.
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Re: my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby kerrie24 » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:25 pm

Bel Bel,I haven tried saying to her to phone before she comes but she says it doesnt matter if your not in,I said to her I dont like you landing right on tea time cos the kids wont finish their meals,but she mostly ignores me.It depends what mood shes in.I have spoken to my sister about it but she wont say a bad word about her,cos she acts differently with her.My youngest brother is still st home and is spoilt rotten and the elder one i hardly see.
I have also tried not letting on what my plans are but its hard to not be able to tell the kids so they can look forward to it,and if I do then they tell her.She phones and asks to speak to them and then tells them we can go up or they can sleep there or something without asking me and then its up to big bad mammy to say no. :(
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Re: my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jun 18, 2009 12:34 pm

I know it's going to be hard but i think you are going to have to sit her down and tell her again that she is causing problems by just turning up and if she does it again then you will not open the door

As for the kids, tell them you have a plan but not what it is then your mum can't invite people becasue she won't know where or when or what is happening

As for the asking the kids to stay tell her she has to ask you and explain to the kids that grandma has to ask mummy first and if she can't stick the rules then you won't be able to go over, that way grandma is in the wrong not you. Explain everyone has to follow rules like at school and grandma isn't being far and following the rules. Hoepfully it will soon make her realise. Ok so you may have one or two disappointment firts but don't give in
I would definately block her from face book, can't you make yours private and only allow access from people you want, which won't include her

You have to remind your mum she accepts she made mistakes with you but it's not fair for her to interfere with the way you want to bring up your kids and that includes structered tea time and agreed visits

Alternatively you could just agreee set days the kids go up and stay and then there is no arguing or disagreeing
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Re: my mother is driving me CRAZY!!!

Postby oranges » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:56 pm

I would definately remove your mum from your facebook account and try and put a put a bit of distance in your relationship. Maybe next time she turns up unannounced politely say, 'Oh what a shame you've caught me at a bad time. Give me a call next time. Could you pop by on ...day, that would be better for me." That way you are setting some boundaries? It seems that she really is over stepping the mark and you need to rise above her childishness and stick to your guns.

I know how hard this is as my mum often drops by unannaounced. Although she isn't too critical of me, she would come by after work and off-load all her problems. After a stressful day at work myself and then dinner and things to do this used to drive me mad. Eventually she caught me on a bad day and I said how although I loved seeing her I need more space etc. She sulked for a month and then slowly got over it.

You need to make sure you can take some control - it can't be all on your mother's terms, especially sinceshe seems to be disregarding your fellings. Be brave and stand up to her. If she can't act like an adult then maybe you will have to.
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