My parents expect me to choose between them

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My parents expect me to choose between them

Postby saramidnite » Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:00 pm

hello

i am not really sure how to explain this but i will try my best
my parents abused me before they split when i was 11 and after untill i ran away when i was 17 and half
my mum left my dad for some on else
my mum and dad had also my sister
they fought for custory for her mainly as my sister was the favourite
i use just an excuse to get more money from the other parent i didnt live with
it got really bad
my mum told me my dad would hurt nad kill me as he use to hurt me i belived her
then after i finsh primary school i went on hoilday with my grandparents and my dad showed up and was nice to me
i found out mum was lying

so me and my sister when to live with dad
he treated mye like a slave and i had to look after my sister who was six at the time
i got bully at every school i went to 4 in total when they found the truth and about my family
it got so bad the abuse at home my dad almost kill me
but he stop due to my sister walking in the room

i ended living with my mum and step dad and my baby sister
but my mum and step dad abused me to
my mum even told my stepdad to punch me instead

i ran away almost years ago
i have got back in touch with my mum due to my baby sister sake otherwise i never get to speak to her,
i dont know yet where they live thou
my mum admitted to me she never wanted kids,
my middle sister will always be the favourite
it was her she wanted to live with her not me

my dad is not aloud to contact me as i found things i cant say on his computer and i had to get the police involved
my dad ashammed of me for being dyselxic and partly colour blind

depite all of this i have meet amazing man who is there for me and loves me
he has talked about marriage one day
my dad parents expect me to invite my dad as he sould be giving me away
my grandparetns dont care what my dad has done to me

my mum expects to turn up to my wedding and tyhe whole family hate her as she is very nasty to every one
she dont even treat me like a daughter, more like a mate who she moans at because she is not having phyasical realatiuonship with my abuseive stepdad
she dont care i not intrestreated, what happens between them phyiscally is none of my buisness
she expects me to give her advice and tips

i dont want either of them at my wedding if my mum is invited is only because i want my sister there who is 11
i am not coping with this stress
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Re: My parents expect me to choose between them

Postby snail » Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:52 pm

If you don't want either of your parents at your wedding, then don't invite them. It's your decision, no one else's, and you don't have to tell anyone your reasons if you don't want to - just say "I don't want xxx there". Stand firm against your grandparents, it's not their wedding, it's yours. You also don't have to choose between your parents - no one should ask you to do that, so if someone does, ignore it. Do what you feel is best.

If your mum tries to talk about inappropriate things, like her sex life, tell her firmly that you don't want to discuss it and you have nothing to say. If she continues, then leave, and see her again at another time.

But Sara, it's FAR too soon to be talking about wedding plans with this guy. You've only known him five minutes, plus you're still very young yourself. You may marry him one day but give it AT LEAST two years before you seriously plan it. Don't make the same mistakes as your parents.
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Re: My parents expect me to choose between them

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:18 am

I agree with all that snail says
Don't rush things firstly, if you are meant to be waiting a couple of years shouldn't be an isue and it gives you the maximum time to really get to know someone and be so sure it's right for you

You could always consider a wedding abroad or a ceremony where you don't invite family just a few close friends
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Re: My parents expect me to choose between them

Postby saramidnite » Sun Aug 02, 2009 9:53 pm

Hi. I am grateful for the advice. I dont want to get married. I agree it to soon us. I have made it clear i dont to anytime soon. My family are trying to pressure me and my boyfriend into getting married. I am getting fed up with it. They told me i have to and they all expect me to invited them all. My mum says she has to come but i cant invite my dads parents as they be nasty to her because she left him for my stepdad. 15years on my dad and family hate her. My dads parents know i dont talk to my dad. They made promise id invited him. That he walks me down the aisle. They dont want me to invite my mum. Both sides expect me choose. Who i ever i pick the otherside will be angry. Both my parents abuse me before and after they split. My mum admitted she had kids to keep her men happy. She neuer wanted kids. I dont want to get married and if i did in a long time in the future i dont want my parents there. They will fight and ruin everything. I dont want my dad to walk me down the aisle because i cant forgive him for abusing me. My grandadparents dont care what he did to me either. It really upsetting me.
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Re: My parents expect me to choose between them

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:58 am

When the time comes, you could have a wedding for friends and close family (that you like); even abroad as Bel Bel suggested. You could have a party before or after, one for your mams side of the family and one for your dads side of the family.
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Re: My parents expect me to choose between them

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 03, 2009 10:14 am

and as your not thinking of getting maried yet stop worrying about it
when you do finally have a wedding and you decide not to invite anyone ytou can tell them all they are all to blame for the way they have treated you with regard to the subject. perhaps you should say "if you don't back off about insisting I get married i may well run off and do it without anyone there" it may give them a bit to think about
also I would be inclined to say i will not be blackmailed by anyone it is MY special day and I will have it how i want and anyone who can't be mature enough to respect what I want should not bother coming
If they brealise you won't be bullied about it they ill either refuse to come (well at least that is less trouble) or they will realise they need to behave or miss out
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