i cant cope anymore

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i cant cope anymore

Postby loopylolz123 » Mon Aug 17, 2009 12:11 am

Quite long sorry x

Me and my dad have never been close or even really spoke to be honest, he moans all the time and about everything, he really annoys me like he cant be bothered with little things like washing up anyone elses things but his own. he is a drinker and every night he will drink 8+ cans of beer which makes him a hat basically, my sister also didnt get along with him and eventually moved out because things were getting worse at home with them, my dad isint a dad and really is just a bloke who lives with me and my mum, they also dont get along and hardly talk.
He bought a xbox 360 last year and since then he is on it everyday. he leaves for work before i wake up and i dont see him untill i come home form work at 7pm, then it is only for about half a hour to eat dinner, in that time he sucks the life out of you with his moaning and how he acts after dinner he is back upstairs on his xbox or sometimes he goes upstairs to watch tv (sometimes he watches the same thing we are downstairs which i dont understand why he takes himself out of the family!) i cant talk to my dad about anything as i actually really dont like him, me and my mum have a great reletionship and she thinks that maybe he is jelous(but he pushes us away).
i dont even want him to walk me down the aisle at my wedding and would ask my grandad to do it, i would love to have a proper dad and a happy home and it depresses me that me and my mum have to live like it.

Another thing, my auntie had cancer about 10 years ago and fortunatly got better and was fine untill the beggining of this year when she found out that she had ovarian cancer again! it was alot worse than before as her bowel was also affected and had to have a stoma to save her life this hit me and the family very hard as we are a close family (on my mums side) and couldnt believe that it had happened again she has a massive op later this month with about 3 procedures goin on all in one go just hope she will be ok,
My nan also has cancer she is terminal but is ok because it has not been growing latley, my other auntie died begging of july due to lung cancer and just the other day i found out that my uncle has also got cancer and as he is 80 and because of he used to work with asbestos they said there is nothing they can do!
My best friend is very depressed at the moment and thinks that i may be too he tryed to commit suicide the other week but was luckyly stopped by a friend.

i dont know what to do and as it is all happening at the same time its just piled up and i dont feel i have anyone to talk to, nobody understand what goes on with my dad because he puts on a act in front of people so they all think im being stupid. i just cant cope with it all but have to put on a front because i dont like to burden on other people x
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:57 am

firstly :grouphug:

Have you thought of speaking to a counsillor with getting everything off your chest? (You can do that on here as well just a counsillor has the resources to put you in touch with the relevant people if need be).
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:21 am

I agree with Dipsy
You have a real lot going on and I think you need help from an outsider
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby DiZZeeKiD » Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:13 pm

First of all, its unfortunate that you don't get on with your Dad but you know what they say, you can pick your friends, you cant pick your family. At least you have a close bond with your mum. Maybe instead of resenting your Dad for seemingly being awkward, not wanting to spend time with you etc, you should try talking to him. He obviously has some issues of his own which he is having trouble dealing with, and is probably why he is isolating himself. Being a teenager in an unhappy home can seem the hardest thing in the world but imagine being a parent that got to work and graft to support an unhappy home, and getting no gratitude in return? I lost my Dad when I was younger and believe me - you dont know what you've got until its gone so its worth trying your hardest to maintaint even a civil relationship with your father.

It does seem that your having particuarly bad luck at the moment but my mum always used to say that 'God only dished out what he thinks you can handle'. I'm not religious but I like to think that what doesn't kill you can only make you a stronger person. Support your relatives through their seperate illnesses and go out of your way to be caring and considerate instead of just thinking 'its not fair' Life isn't fair, but its made easier when we all try to get on.

I hope everything works out for the best.

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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby loopylolz123 » Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:32 pm

i cant talk to my dad about anything because he just dosent talk so its impossible to get a answer, i think even if he has got things making him this way he wouldnt tell anybody about them just beacuse he keeps himself to himself, my auntie thinks that he is like it because his dad left at a early age and his mum was never there becasue she had to work to support the family, but does he really think doing pretty much the same thing will help. he's very boring aswell and him and my mum have been together for 22 years now, my mum is very different and enjoys having a laugh and going out places and cant get why some of it hasnt rubbed off on him
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:15 pm

It's a shame your not able to talk to your dad but any chage will have to come from him, he has to want to change and it sounds like he doesn't.
I do agree though that it's nice you have a good reltionship with your mum but you have so much to deal with that it would probably be better to seek outside support as your mum is going through this too and may be finding it tough supoorting everyone.
Perhaps if things go well at the counsellor you can get your mum to go too
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby DiZZeeKiD » Tue Aug 18, 2009 4:26 pm

Maybe your Dad just likes being his own person and doesn't feel the need for a more outgoing persons characterics to "rub off on him" as he feels he is a person in his own right - though I'm sure you and your mums constant griping at him is probably whats made him feel inadequate - to be honest, I wouldnt want to spend time with people who make me feel that I'm not good enough for them either!
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby loopylolz123 » Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:35 am

we do not make him feel that he is not good enough! it isint our fault that he is how he is, we dont make him sit upstairs and away from us he chooses to do it! i found out today that he even treats his nephew more like a son than me a daughter, so maybe its because im female!
and basically u just told me that it is my fault that my dad isint a dad 2 me well im sorry but i asked for help not some arrogant person telling me its all my fault because im not like him!!
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:15 am

Ignore your cousin, he's obviously not a very nice person and just trying to make you jealous.
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby snail » Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:12 am

Loopy is talking about Dizzeekid not her cousin I think, Dips.
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:55 am

Oh yes, apologies loopylolz. What would I do without Mother Snail correcting me :)
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Re: i cant cope anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:30 am

I think it's most likely your dad has depression. He can be ok with your cousin because he isn't in the daily atmosphere and he can get away from him when he is feeling bad.
I doubt your mum has casued your dad to be the way he is as she is positive and outgoing and your dad could eaily join in if he choose to so I don't agree it's your or your mums fault at all.
As I said before people can't be made to change he has to want to do it
Has he always been like this or did somehting happen to amke him like this, perhaps evern before you were born?
He could be drinking to mask the pain or the drinking could be the cause of the depression.Have you ever talked to your mum about why he is like he is?
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