depressed mum

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depressed mum

Postby lb27 » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:43 pm

My mum is on her own and has always been, since my father left her for another woman when I was six and my brothers father left before he was born. Her parents are both dead and an on-going fued has meant none of her siblings talk to one another at all, and haven't spoken for years. She also lives away from her home town, in England, and we have all lived in Ireland since I was 12 and my brother was born here. Being a single parent she has never been able to get decent work, even though she has a college education. She was involved in a very violent and abusive relationship with my brothers father and this left her in a state of isolation and fear for many years, and a difficulty making friends or trusting people. She has always relied on me for moral support, and someone to talk to, even when I was young. She doesnt like the town where she lives, but is thousands of pounds in debt to credit card companys and banks and moving anywhere is not an option. She lives on welfare and waits until the time comes when "something comes up" or she lands some great job. But it never happens. She has no assets and every piece of furniture is on hire-purchase.
There are no social outlets to speak of in our town for older women, and seemingly everyone mums age is married and not interested in being her friend. She feels isolated and lonely, and has done for years.
Things got worse recently because she a temp job which she put all her hopes in, trying desperatly to get made permanent in the company. But recession hit and she lost her job. She feels too old to keep on going and interview rooms are filled with people half her age.
My life is fine. I live in another city where after years of study I've got my first semi-decent job and can start paying back my debts built up while at college.
I just dont know what to do about mum. When I see her shes so negative, and I can always tell she's been crying. She often sits in the dark and I think she has panic attacks. She's severely stressed about money, and is on medication for stress and high blood pressure.
She has sought help, like therapists etc, in the past, but its no good. What she needs is a job, and a life and a way out of this loneliness.
I just don't know what to do any more. I know she would like if I helped her with bills but my wages are only just high enough to pay my own. I keep guaranteeing more loans for her but I have no ability to pay them if things go wrong.
I'm constantly worried about her. Mothers shouldn't be so depressed, it's just not right. Other people I know have happy parents!!
I know its a long one but what would you do???
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Re: depressed mum

Postby strokesurvior23 » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:05 am

Its a hard one, i would try talking to her if possible, explain your concernes, but i wouldnt guarentee loans for her tbh, its just getting her more into debt ,hate to point out the obvious but shes obviously spending cos shes unhappy, if all her funiture is hired etc what has she got int so much debt for?
you said yuo had a brother is he as concerned as you? the sad yhing is you cant force her to get help unless she wants help your fighting a loosing battle m8
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Re: depressed mum

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:35 am

She needs to talk to some debt specialists to see about helping her with that.

Are there options of voluntary work? At least it would look good on her CV and it would get her out socialising; it's a step in the right direction.
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Re: depressed mum

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:38 pm

I too would suggest voluntary work. She will likely be with people who will be more her social age and it often opens up other opportunities. At least it will give her a reason to get up and leave the house
The problem is if your mum doesn't want to help herself there is little you can do really. It sound like she has depression and if she has already tried conselling and sees the doctor it may be her own attitude that holds her back
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