How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

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How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby The Annonymous Potato » Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:42 pm

For 25 years my parents have been at war with each other. Luckily, I have only had to endure 17 of those years. For 12 of those 17 years, all I ever heard at home was screaming swearing, and things being smashed. All I saw was a woman smoking in the kitchen talking to herself and pulling faces, and a man locking himself a way in a bedroom which could have been used as everything except a bathroom. 2 seperate people, living in the same house in parallel dimensions. It slowly began to occur to me that these were infact my married parents and not lodger and landlady. Of course the only giveaway was when those parallel dimensions went off course and collided. The only interaction I ever saw between my parents was fighting in one form or another, whether it be verbal, embarrassingly physical, mental or emotional.

5 years ago, they got divorced. When most people divorce, they do it quietly, and quickly. Today they are still fighting. It may not be physical anyomore as they haven't seen each other for 5 years, but they are still at each others throats constantly. They will still be fighting in 10 years, they will be fighting at my funeral, they will be fighting till one of them dies. After which the survivor will no doubt make spitting on the other one's grave a weekly ritual. And I am sick of being stuck in the middle of these little children. They are so pathetic they might as well be sticking their tongues out and pulling faces at each other! Infact, now that I think about it, they actually have on occasion. My mother has a red hot temper. When I have to tell her off she throws a hissy fit and stomps off. When I have to reprimand my father he's says he's not listening and goes to sulk in the garage. You may think I am speaking metaphorically. I tell you now, I wish I was.

Anyway, the latest battle. The law states that child maintenance is to be paid to the primary caregiver from the secondary caregiver until the "child" is 19. It's a moot point anyway really as by now all I cost anyone is a couple of pizzas and some cider. I am REALLY low maintenace. By the time I'm 19 I probably won't even cost them that. Just help with University tuition fees if I don't get a student loan. I don't use them as taxis and I never leave lights on so I think it's a bit ridiculous to say I owe them petrol and electricity. Anyway, after my 16th birthday I started spending more time with my dad, although I'm with my mother more of the time. My dad thinks it's equal somehow. It's not, and if it is, it's a technicality of how you average it. He stopped paying maintenance when I was 16, so they've been writing each other threatening letters via the child support agency for months now. And all I've heard monday to friday is "£%"$"&-face is £%&^"*ing up the £%(& again. F*"£%"ing ^£("£ ^%"$!er!! I should have slit his &^"%£ing %"$%"£*ing $£%^" throat!!" and friday to monday "Your mother did this, your mother did that, she started this....." and after expressing my desire to bang there heads together..."why don't you just bang her fat head?"...... ](*,) ......I think this post belongs under the category children actually, not parents. For Believe it or not, I am still not exaggerating. Other than the use of "this" and "that" it's word for word quotation.

So after trying to ignore them, I finally gave them ultimatums. This was easier with my father - no backchat. It only took an hour to get him into the middle zone. My mother was much harder to coax into an agreement. I had to send her ouside and talk to her through a window. I am ashamed to say that I am still deadly serious.

But eventually I came to the agreement with my father that £51 would be payed either directly into my account or to my mother and then demanded off her by me. I would then give it back to him without her knowing.

I finally got my mother to agree to this if he proposed it to the CSA and they approved it. However, once the money had gone into my account, I would then give it to her as it was "rightfully hers" without him knowing.

It's a good plan that will silence their witching for a while, but i can't afford to dupe them both. My £30 a week just won't cover it, and If I don't have that I actually will need maintenance. Of which perhaps 10% will actually go towards maintaining me....... ](*,)

What the hell am I supposed to do now?? #-o
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:51 pm

well my only suggestions is to get a part time job
putting the child maintenance aside no parent pays their child to live at home so whether or not maintenance was being paid you would only have £30 a week
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:06 pm

Why can't your dad pay you say £51 for YOU! He can give you money for you to spend and not for your maintenance. CAn each not agree to say give you £20 a week each? Then it's all equal?

To be honest they need to sort it out themselves.

Bel Bel is Annonymous Potato is still at school the government give out £30 a week grants.
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 01, 2009 3:45 pm

Yes I get that AP gets £30 a week.
Are you trying to say because of the £51 to your bank you will no longer ghet the grant.
If so tell your mum and dad to sort it our between them, you no longer wish to discuss it with either of them - EVER and to stop dragging you into their fights. Why should you be down £30.
If your not losing the £30 how are you any woprse of than before. You were getting £30 then and still will be
Sorry If I am being thick here ](*,)
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:14 am

Bel Bel wrote:Yes I get that AP gets £30 a week.


Sorry I mis-read. I thought you said why only £30 a week rather than would you only have £30 a week...my apologies :)
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:15 am

I assumed the £51 was child maintenance from her dad...

We need clarification.
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Skarlet » Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:38 am

I thought the idea was that the dad would say he had paid her, and then she would pay her mum, but she couldn't do both. As her Dad wouldn't actually pay her, as she would give him the money back and also be expected to give the money to her mum.

Personally, she should just accept the money from her dad, he owes it anyway and he should be supporting her, and she should then share part of that with her mum for her keep.
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:15 am

But maintenance is never given directly to the child it goes to the parent to support the child. There is usually rent/mortage, bills, food etc to be covered and this is why maintenance is paid, it's not actually menat to go in the childs pocket

I don't see why AP has to be involved at all I think she just wanted to stop the argueing and by doing so may lose her grant which isn't fair

Yes more clarification please so we can give best advice
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:33 pm

I agree with Bel Bel, it's paid for maintenance...but I got the impression her dad said he wasn't paying for her anymore as she was spending equal amounts of time with both parents so why should be pay her mam to look after her when he does half the looking after?
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Skarlet » Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:54 pm

Yeh, that is what he was saying, but he wanted to deceive the csa by paying it into APs account, and then she would pay him back.

But eventually I came to the agreement with my father that £51 would be payed either directly into my account or to my mother and then demanded off her by me. I would then give it back to him without her knowing.

I finally got my mother to agree to this if he proposed it to the CSA and they approved it. However, once the money had gone into my account, I would then give it to her as it was "rightfully hers" without him knowing.

It's a good plan that will silence their witching for a while, but i can't afford to dupe them both. My £30 a week just won't cover it, and If I don't have that I actually will need maintenance. Of which perhaps 10% will actually go towards maintaining me.......
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Sep 03, 2009 2:28 pm

No plan is good if it means duping any government organisation. They can track the money going into bank accounts and you can get donw for fraud or they can make him pay still
He is actually spot on if he is seeing her an equal number of days in a month then the mum isn't entitled
The child maintence government web site has a calculator to work out how much you should be paying. I used it to come to a private arrangment with my daughters dad.
I will try to find the link and post it
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Re: How do I control my sulky, stroppy, unruly 56 year olds?

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Sep 03, 2009 2:29 pm

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