Is she a money-grabber?

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Is she a money-grabber?

Postby Deedee1 » Tue Sep 29, 2009 7:39 pm

My parents split up when I was 18 (I’m 25 now) and I really want for both of them to be happy. My dad has had a few relationships and I thought the one he’s with now was quite nice.

However, there have been a few things more recently that have left me feeling doubtful and it’s probably not my place to say anything as it’s his relationship but certain things have left me feeling a little agitated.

My dad is fairly well off and can be a giving person. Although I don’t earn much myself it’s always nice to give a little back - he’s helped me so much over the years. So when his girlfriend (lets call her Sarah) suggested a surprise meal in town with my brother and sisters for his birthday I thought it would be a lovely idea.

I let my brother & sisters know but my brother had just been made redundant so he was concerned he couldn’t afford it. When I told Sarah about this and she said, “oh tell him he has to come” but I thought, that’s all well and good but when he’s struggling to find a job and pay the rent the last thing he wants to do is worry about a bill for a meal out!

Then when I asked what restaurant she was thinking of going to, she said the most expensive restaurant in town, and I’m talking VERY expensive! When I said none of us could possibly afford it, she said… “Oh don’t worry your dad will pay for it”.

!!!

I was confused and pretty angry! I explained it won’t be much of a surprise birthday for him if he has to pay for it! And she said she was sure he would offer anyway, but to me that wasn’t the point! Even if he did offer, it’s his birthday so I wanted to treat him, and I thought it was so cheeky that she would choose the most expensive place around just because she knows he can afford it. She even said “he knows that none of us can afford it so he wouldn’t want us to pay”.

When I explained that I wasn’t comfortable with expecting my dad to pay, she suggested a different place which I was far more happy with, but followed it up with “…but it’s no [insert posh restaurant name]” Personally I thought the reason for the whole thing was a chance to give my dad a nice surprise and for the family to get together as we don’t often get the chance, so it didn’t really matter if we chose a modest place to eat. She seems to see it as a chance to get a really posh meal without having to pay for it!

And this isn’t the only thing that has cropped up. She is always talking about her love of money and material things, to quote her “it’s so lovely to have nice things” and telling my dad that he should take her shopping and that he should buy her things all the time. At first I thought it was a joke but now she says it all the time and it's starting to make me concerned.

My dad is also looking to buy a new house and she is always picking out the most ostentatious, expensive places that are totally ridiculous and well above his needs.

He is 46 next month and she is 32. Under most circumstances I wouldn’t see that age gap as a problem but combined with all of this I have started wondering if she is only with him because of his money. Am I wrong to feel this way? Maybe I’m being over-protective as I’m quite close to my dad.

Any advice please?
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Sep 30, 2009 8:52 am

After the meal out (so you don't ruin the suprise) could you not sit down with your dad and say you know I really like "Sarah" but there is one thing I can't get over - hear me out before you say anything...then say your piece.

I agree with the meal thing; it shouldn't matter where you eat so long as it's nice and everyone is there - it doesn't matter if it costs £30 a starter of £2 a starter so long as you make a good time of it.
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Sep 30, 2009 12:09 pm

I agree your concerns sound reasonable and probably correct but do you think your dad hasn't noticed himself?
Maybe he is happy with this situation an he accepts to keep her he has to give her the lifestyle she wants.
I don't think telling him will solve anything as he may well tell her what you have said and she could just become more devious abouth things and make you dad believe you hate her and are stiring.
My dad went out with someone 17 years younger than him wehn he was in his late 30 (do the maths :o ) and she just wanted him for money. She eventually had an affair and he came to his senses and they parted. He was lucky she asked for a cash handout of around £10K which meant he then got round giving her more money from his house etc (not sure exactly how that worked but the lawyers managed it somehow)
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby Deedee1 » Mon Oct 05, 2009 9:15 pm

I get on so well with my dad, I know he wouldn't be offended if I let him know my concerns as we talk very openly with each other. For now I will just have to hold out though until we go out for the meal, I think it may be best to see how that goes first. And you're right belbel, maybe he is aware and just sees it as a small price to pay for going out with someone much younger than him, I don't know.

I've also just come back from visiting my mum's to find out some more news that didn't make me too happy! My mum has started seeing another guy, but she told me today that he's married! She used the classic "he told me they're in a loveless relationship and are on the verge of a separation" but to me that is the oldest trick in the book isn't it? I asked her if the other woman knew about her and she said no. After all that she's been through splitting up with my dad (it was quite a horrible break-up) I don't know why she would want to put another woman through such heartache.

I tried not to be too harsh but I let her know she should be careful, I guess that's all you can do and after that she can make her own choices. It's probably the same with my dad. Maybe if I just let him know what I've noticed once we've had this meal then he can make his own mind up. What do you think?
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:49 am

You could if you want to say something mention the initial plans for the meal and say I was a bit worried about her volunteering to spend your money for you (e.g. just in one instance).
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Oct 07, 2009 12:20 pm

I doubt your mun will listen anyway, you have told her how you feel and I would just leave it at that
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby Deedee1 » Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:30 pm

Ok, so I went to the meal the other night. There was my dad, his gf, me, my boyfriend, my sister and my dad's friend. We had a lovely meal, and when it came to pay my dad offered to pay and we all insisted he didn't pay anything...except Sarah. She just glumly said "oh well I haven't got any cash so I'll have to pay the balance on card" and then when we got home she said to me "well it was lucky we didn't go to the other place then!" meaning the expensive restaurant in town! How cheeky!

I haven't mentioned it to my dad though. I can't seem to slip it into conversation, and I don't want to blurt it out and upset him.
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Re: Is she a money-grabber?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Oct 28, 2009 2:42 pm

Don't worry she had to pay the balance and will be more thoughtful about attempting to arrange fancy restaurants with you guys again
You could end up looking really petty if you try to use this as an example as she did actually pay her share
As I said your dad is old enough to figure this out for himself if she really is spending his money
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