My Mum keeps letting me down.

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My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby whoopsie » Sat Feb 13, 2010 3:12 pm

I'm getting married in September and really need to start sorting my dress out. My mum has said she'll pay for it, along with the flowers which she will arrange and the cake which she will make.
I'm not blessed with having a load of girlfriends who I can take along to dress fittings and just really would like to go to Bridal shops with my mum. She is my best friend, i can tell her almost anything. I'm also not at all fashion concious, a jeans and t shirt kinda girl so don't really know what looks nice so i would like someone there who would give me an honest opinion.

My mum suffers from an illness called fibromyalgia. It's similar to ME. She has fatigue and insomnia at the same time, and extreme muscle and joint pain. She does have good days tho where she is almost her normal self.

Two saturdays ago, i asked my mum if she would come dress shopping with me. She said she hoped to but she was travelling to and from Birmingham to a dog breeder as she was trying to mate one of her dogs. She then told me that she'd have to go to Birmingham that day cos the breeding hadn't been working. I was fine with that tho cos i never have lazy saturdays. I pretty much go to my mums every saturday so i enjoyed a lie in and called her when i got up to find out how the breeding was going. Only she wasn't in Birmingham. She was doing her weekly shop at asda round the corner. She said she had woken up late and would be going up the next day. She didn't even offer to spend the afternoon dress shopping and didn't call be back when she said she would. I was so upset.

Last saturday i went round there hoping to go dress shopping but she was having a bad day illness wise so we spent the afternoon on the net looking at cakes, dresses, party favours etc.

On Monday, i told her we had an appointment at a bridal shop near me (i live 30 mins from my mum) at 2.30. She said that would be fine. I called her last night and she said she hoped my sister would also come but she's having problems settling her baby at the moment.
I called my mum again this morning and she said she was having her breakfast and would be over at 1.45. She called me about an hour later and said my sister wouldn't be coming cos she was still having problems with the baby. I asked if my mum was still coming, and she started umming and ahhing. Then she said 'oh, i'll come then' in a if i have to way. I said i'd ask someone else and i'd let her know. I got off the phone and rang the shop to cancel my appointment. I told her i was going with someone else cos i didn't want to make her feel bad. Then burst into tears.

It's not to do with the fact i haven't got a dress yet. I just want to have this experience with my mum and she keeps letting me down. I've gone back to bed cos i just feel so rubbish and rejected. She went shopping for 4 hours with my sister the other day but can't come wedding dress shopping with me?

Any words of advice? Am i being unreasonable?
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby Jo » Sat Feb 13, 2010 10:27 pm

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want your mum to be with you when you choose your wedding dress. It's a very special moment and I don't blame you for being upset. It was very unselfish of you to cancel the appointment to save her feelings! I think it might make your mum feel really special if you explain to her how much you want her involvement - maybe she just doesn't realise! You could plan to have lunch somewhere nice and then go to the appointment - do you think she'd go for that?
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby RagDoll » Thu Feb 18, 2010 10:17 am

I agree with Jo and was going to suggest the same thing re: telling your Mum that it means a lot to you. I get the feeling that she just can't have realised how much it means to you that you go together.

My only other thought was if there is any reason your Mum does not approve of you getting married to the guy you're with? Perhaps 'approve' is too strong a word... but is she happy for you? Does she think you're doing the right thing? Is there any chance she's avoiding shopping for the dress with you as she doesn't think he's the right guy for you?

Could be totally off the mark with my second point there, so sorry if I am.
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby whoopsie » Thu Feb 18, 2010 4:07 pm

I don't think that's it Ragdoll. I think she just prefers to be at home. Me and my boyfriend did go through a bad patch this time last year, but since then, we've been absolutely fine so I'm pretty sure we're all over that now. I will ask her for her opinion on it all tho.

She did apologise though when I explained why I was upset.

She says she's coming with me on Saturday. I guess cos it's five mins from her house, I know she doesn't really like driving too much. We shall see.
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:51 pm

Ok you know she likes to be at home or near so can you do anything online together?

Can you offer to pick her up if it's the driving bothering her?
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby whoopsie » Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:57 pm

At the weekend, i found my wedding dress and asked my mum if she would come and see it as she would be paying some money towards it. I booked a 7pm appt for this evening and invited my step dad along so my mum wouldn't have to drive. This afternoon, my step dad tells me my mum is having another bad day and asked me to re book for saturday. What is the point? She's just going to cancel on saturday as well.
I know she's really suffering with depression at the moment, but i figured this would be a good thing to get involved in and cheer her up. She hasn't been at all enthusiastic about our wedding at all, and i asked if it was cos she doesn't approve of my bf, but she said she really likes him.
She's also offered to do my cake and flowers but if i can't rely on her to come out for an hour to see my dress, how can i rely on her for that? I'm going to make my own arrangements for that.
The way she's going, she probably won't even come to my wedding. It's really upsetting me now.
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:57 am

It sound like your mums illness is really taking over. I think you are right not to rely on her and I think you need to find someone else to help with your dress.
I know thats not what you want to happen but you have to be realistic and realise that she is capable of doing the right thing at the moment. Try not to be too hard as if it is illness she is missing out too
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:02 am

I wasn't going to poast this but I think it is something you neded to seriously consider now so I am going to say it anyway and I am really sorry if it will upset you

If your mum is struggling to get to the shop when she doesn't even need to drive she may not be able to get to the wedding

I think it's better you deal with the possibility now than ruin your day if she doesn't make it
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby whoopsie » Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:23 pm

She's travelled over 300 miles today to go and see the Dog Whisperer. I'm really starting to take this personally. It's like she doesn't care. She'll make me feel guilty if I try to approach her about it.

It's like she's ok to do the things she wants, but she's ill when it's something I want to involve her in. She hasn't even contacted me to say sorry.

It's not even that I want her to help with the dress, I just want her to see it.

You haven't upset me Bel Bel, it's something I thought of last night. My Nan didn't go to either of her weddings which upset her so I hope she'll make an effort.

This is really starting to put a strain on our relationship. I know she's ill, but she just never seems to make any effort when it comes to me any more.
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:28 pm

Wow that really is a bit cheeky.
I think you have to say something or this will fester and become something much bigger.
Is she getting help for the depression?
Also remind her how upset she was that her mum didn't go so she makes an effort to come to yours
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Re: My Mum keeps letting me down.

Postby whoopsie » Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:32 pm

Kind of. She went to A&E a few saturdays ago cos she was feeling so bad. She's supposed to see a psychitrist(?) but I don't really know what's happening there.

I don't even really want to speak to her. I tried to call earlier, to ask how she was and stuff, but now I'm just annoyed again.
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