I can't get the truth out of my mum

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I can't get the truth out of my mum

Postby frannyp » Tue Apr 27, 2010 2:21 pm

From a very young age I think about five my mum started an affair with someone at her work(this was her second marriage) and myself and my two younger siblings became her way of meeting him going out on daytrips(i still don't know why it took my dad so long to find out as I was 11 when she left)this has left me a mess .We didn't know we were leaving and moved out without saying goodbye to my dad. I think i must have been planted into another reality because from that moment I never saw my dad's family again I am now 44. We would walk every Sunday to see my grandparents and my cousins and aunties and uncles they disowned us never acknowledging birthdays or christmas ,we were not to see my dad for about six months because my mum wouldn't let us see him by then the bond was all but gone. Sorry about the long windedness of this but it is background.Moving on to when I was 34 my husband was sorting out my passport and phoned the registery office he told them my name and was told that no one with that surname was born that day so he had a thought and asked him to try my mum's first husbands surname and low and behold there I was and also my sister who is a year younger , she won't tell us anything even when she when it was that she married my dad -so we are left with feeling that we are not his daughters and feel that this is why we were abandoned by his family, my brother went back to live with my dad which just made us feel even worse. When we ask she gets really defensive and refuses to talk this has been going on for years I just want to know who I am and I have massive trust issues with everyone it rules my life - I hate it, I feel too scared to go to my dad just in case he rejects me and I know I couldn't cope with it -don't have affairs it really screws up the children even years on
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Re: I can't get the truth out of my mum

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Apr 28, 2010 1:12 pm

If she doesn't wnat to tel you you can't make her but what about trying to find your dad and talk to him about what he knows
Short of that ring a show like Jeremy Kyle and get them on her case - I know it's drastic but it may be the only way
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Re: I can't get the truth out of my mum

Postby blue sky » Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:40 pm

How awful for you. I think its sad when parents don't think or care about the effects there misdeeds have on their children. I hope in the last 3 months there has been some positive changes...If not i just wanted to say I can imagine how frustrated and disappointed you must feel, unfortunatley if your mum has kept this secret from you for all these years it's unlikley that she will open up to you now, even though she should knowing how much pain it's clearly causing you. It seems like the only option at the moment is to ask your dad. I can understand that you feel hesitant to do this and afraid that it will ruin the relationship you have but you don't want to regret not asking. Weigh up the pros and cons.

I agree with you, it is strange that your other relatives stopped speaking to you and your other siblings. I can understand them not wanting to speak to your mother but ignoring you three children at the time and severing all contacts seems harsh.

Have you thought about trying to get in contact with one of the relatives on your dads side to see if they could shed any light on the situation.
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