My parents hate me for being fat...but it only feeds it.

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My parents hate me for being fat...but it only feeds it.

Postby MissUglyChick » Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:27 am

Hey, my name is Hannah and I am obese. There, I said it. The 'big' word. OBESE!!!! This word is basically banned in my house because everyone else is so 'picture perfect'. My parents are always nagging me to lose weight and are also teasing me non-stop, saying it will help. It doesn't. I actually had it under control until about two years ago when it started to spirial out of control. I currently weight 115.5kg (I am around 5'5"/5'6") and everyone judges me. What my parents fail to notice is that they are feeding my depression, my self-loathing and my obesity as when I feel down, all I can do it eat. It is frustrating to think no one wants to be near me. This is something my father actually said:

Hannah, no boy wants you because of one simple reason. You are fat, ugly, stupid and unsuccessful.


The rest I won't post, it was a little rude after that to be perfectly honest. What he doesn't realise is that I am great at music and school, along with reading and taking care of others, but no one gives me the time of day. It seems to be successful, I have to be 'Western Pretty' (meaning skinny). I don't know what to do or how to react. Please help me before I end up with something like diabetes!!!

Hannah.
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Re: My parents hate me for being fat...but it only feeds it.

Postby Ticktock » Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:40 pm

Hannah, it sounds like your father is a bully and you are the family black sheep. I suspect there are also some cultural things going on as well, the attitude reminds me of some of my relatives on my wife's side!

Some families develop this attitude to those who don't fit in, and no-one speaks out against it just in case they end up next...

I would like to say there is some cure-all for your dad's horrible attitude but I am afraid he is likely to be like this for the rest of your life no matter what you do so the important thing is to stop relying on your family for validation and start doing what you enjoy and ignore him.

That will be the difficult thing, you are probably biting when they start on you, just walk away, if you don't give them the opportunity they can't hurt you.

You know what you are good at, find a volunteering role that allows you to do that, get a job, find a hobby, anything to keep yourself busy and remind you that their opinion is just that, and not based on the real you.

The weight you are carrying is a separate issue, at the moment it is a barrier, a gesture of defiance to your family. Once you learn to deal with them then you can decide whether you want to be different.
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Re: My parents hate me for being fat...but it only feeds it.

Postby Fudas » Tue Sep 06, 2011 11:57 pm

Hannah...
At first, in order to help you, I need to know what do you really wants: Be happy with your parents (while you're still fat), or resolve the problem of obesity?
If you had better liking with the second option, you ought to speak with your parents. They will be very proud of your decision of lose weight, and will help you in your "diet-and-fitness" journey.
But, if you hadn't better bonds with this way, you oughtn't to lose your faith. You should follow the first option, and ought to talk to your parents (describing your situation at home and school, and reporting your sadness about that "hate"). Your parents must love you, and are being so intorelables because they want to see you healthy (and, in addiction to this, they know that obesity hinders the chances of finding a partner affective) and with a great self-esteem.
Well, I hope have been useful.
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Re: My parents hate me for being fat...but it only feeds it.

Postby Lilacarn » Fri Dec 30, 2011 12:36 pm

Hannah,
I feel so sad that your parents are treating you this way. I agree with the earlier post, that in order to get past this you might like to keep busy. Find your self worth from others who do not talk to you like this. Sometimes people cope with this behaviour from family by minimising it, saying it doesnt matter. Then they repeat patterns of this nature with others in their life, and try to make others love them but as these other people see them in the same way as the family members, it doesnt work. This feeds into the low self worth. My advice is to trust your instincts and try to put energy into developing relationships with people who are positive towards you not negative. This will probably be difficult, but counselling may help you with this.
I hope you are able to move past this issue and are able to spend more time with people who make you feel good
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