Just dont know what to do...

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Just dont know what to do...

Postby littlelisa » Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:49 pm

I have been wanting to put this problem to you guys for a while, but wasnt sure if it was me being selfish about the situation or what. If i am then i apologise for making a mountain ou of a mole, but i need to vent this and get some feed back please!!!
I'll keep it as short as i can. Well what it is, is that I live with my 2 children (11 and 4 both girls) and my partner of 4 years. My parents seperated after being together for 30 years last year and my dad went to live with his brother in london (who lives on his own in a 4 bedroom house, bought by their mother before she died). My mum then after 6 months or so decided that she missed my dad and asked him to come back so he did. But they never really resolved their issues that made them seperate in the first place so subsequently she kicked him out again and then she did it again and then asked him to leave again-my dad was disappointed but was happy to go as the atmosphere in the house was not good and felt it wasnt working.This time they have both said its over for good and definately dont want to try again. But instead of going to london this time he asked to come to live with me. I love my dad a lot so I said yes of course.So he moved in begining of jan this year. I moved my youngest girl into the older girls room so my dad could stay in her room, which i was happy to do. Everything was ok for a few days but since then the pressure has been increasing daily. I feel like im always on edge now and cant relax. Me and my partner have no privacy and i feel like were drifting apart and when my dad hasnt been around we have had some huge explosive rows about seemingly nothing-but obviously its to do with my dad being here. My dad and partner dont really get on or talk to each other. My dad wasnt happy about a massage course I was doing and ive quit it just to please him- and i dont know why. Im a good mum but everything I do with them i feel like he criticises me. e.g. i put my youngest to bed at half 7/ 8 and he says its too early-whereas my boyfriend says its too late. That is just an example but there are many more.He always asks me what im doing-when will i be back and its stressing me out. Im starting to feel like its his house and his rules- im 31 and have been independant and away from home since I was 17. I dont wanna kick my dad out but i just need my house back to how i like it and i need my space as he is round me most of the day. Plus my girls need their own rooms as there is such a big age gap between them i feel its unfair for my eldest.

What shall I do???
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Re: Just dont know what to do...

Postby snail » Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:36 pm

This situation rarely works out unfortunately :( I don't think it will get any easier with time.

You need to explain to your dad that it isn't working out, and ask him to leave. To be honest, if you're 31 then he can't be that old and should be thinking about finding a new female partner anyway. It's a shame your mum wasn't more clear about what she wanted, but the fact that she's messed him around a lot isn't your fault.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Just dont know what to do...

Postby littlelisa » Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:51 pm

I thought that would be the answer and i do feel really bad for him as my mum has really messed him about. But he does need to find his own place. I know I need to ask him to go ( but in a nice way) its just gonna be hard as I feel guilty for doing it and i find it hard to find the courage to do this kind of thing- i always put it off. But i can already see it putting a strain on things.I love him to bits but its such a tough situation and i can see something is gonna give very soon and the most likely thing is mine and my boyfs relationship. Thanks for your help
Lisa xxx
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Re: Just dont know what to do...

Postby snail » Wed Feb 29, 2012 4:26 pm

I think anyone would find that a really tough conversation to start. Still, you never know, he may be thinking that it isn't working himself - he might be feeling as though he's lost some independence and privacy, and living as resident granpa is making him old before his time. He might be afraid to mention it to you as well. Good luck anyway.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Just dont know what to do...

Postby lovefool » Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:06 pm

Maybe you could sit him down and have a chat with him. Maybe you could say to him " Dad I have really loved having you to stay and I want you to feel welcome but my little girl really needs her room back and I would love to see you settled in your own place, it can't be fun living with us and not having much privacy" something along those lines. Maybe support him sort out the details aswell. looking at places together might make him more excited. Just remind him that you love him but that this isn't a long term solution.
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