Been a witch

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Been a witch

Postby elouisa » Thu Jul 26, 2012 4:47 pm

Help me

I've been a real witch to my stepdad- neglecting housework, not offering to help around the house, taking and not giving etc.

Last night he went off in a huff and I know its my fault. To me it seems like its only downhill from here. I know my stepdad, and my mum (they've only been together for 4 years) and I know once this kind of thing starts its all going to end in tears.

I feel I need some kind of rescue tactic- like push his limits and make him flip so that its all okay again?! Sounds crazy, but you don't know how uptight my family are.

Any suggestions welcome.
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Re: Been a witch

Postby Ticktock » Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:53 pm

I would do nothing in your situation, after all you got what you wanted, you have been frantically pushing your step-dads buttons to prove to your mum what a bad idea it was to be with him. You have been proved right, pat yourself on the back and sit back and wait for the big hug because it is back to just you and her...

Not that simple?

Step-children often can't understand what they real parent sees in their new partner, after the loss of your 'real' dad why couldn't you be just enough. Sadly there is a difference between the relationship you have with your children and the full adult relationship you have with your partner. No child can replace the comfort and support you get from it, and a child can't understand it.

So what often happens is a cry for love from the child, increasingly confrontational behaviour with the new 'not real' parent and the 'real' parent is trapped by the guilt of putting their child through this in the first place and so can't stop things escalating.

So the step-parent either has the patient of a saint (got the t-shirt somewhere...) or it fractures the relationship with their partner. So although you are blaming yourself this ultimately comes down to something between you mum and your step-dad (disappointing though that may be) and digging a bigger hole will just make the relationship with your mum worse, emotional manipulation never ends well...

If you want to make things better if/when he comes back, apologise and back off a bit, and try a build a relationship with your real dad (if you have contact with him), or if not accept that your step-dad isn't a replacement dad but just your mum's friend and possibly yours as well.
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Re: Been a witch

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 27, 2012 9:50 am

If you know you are causing upset to your stepdad and therefore your mum too and you know you are being a witch how about stop it and start taking your chores seriously and act like an adult

How about apologising for you recent behaviour and tell them you realise you have been a brat and will prove to them you can change

You continue to act like a child you will get treated like one
Show you can be responsible and mature and you will get treated accordingly. Which will be better for you when you actually want something or nedd some help.
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Re: Been a witch

Postby elouisa » Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:18 am

I should mention that I'm 28.
Last edited by elouisa on Fri Jul 27, 2012 8:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Been a witch

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:49 am

If you previosuly had conselling I would suggest you try cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT(
My sister has been to many consellors and ended up having a breakdown. Since she has been having CBT she is a changed person. Her moods are now normal and she can control her temper. She has also sorted out many aspects of her life including relationships, work, debts etc.
I think cognitive therapy helps you change your attitude and behaviour which sounds like what you need
You could also try to get some books on the subject if you can't afford treament. Just reading often triggers you to be more thoughtful about why we do the things we do and how to change them.
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Re: Been a witch

Postby Ticktock » Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:03 pm

elouisa wrote:I should mention that I'm 26. All my family (both parents) are telling me to get psychological help but I don't know what to say when I get there. I've tried a few times, but don't end up feeling like I've solved anything. Should I just accept that I'm a jelly person?


You sounded a lot younger, but I may point out that my step child problems are with a 25 year old graduate who is being given his independence step by painful step...

Maybe you need to be starting your own life? My younger brother went through a really obnoxious stage around 25 as well because he was an adult and resented being told what to do, and since he had no responsibilities aside from his job he started endless pointless arguments with my parents. He moved out and was a lot happier, and so were my parents!!
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