MIL Bridezilla

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MIL Bridezilla

Postby WhiteLight » Sun Sep 22, 2013 3:45 pm

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Re: MIL Bridezilla

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:13 am

Hi WhiteLight,

Ultimately, after all is said and done, this is your wedding and hopefully the one and only time in your life that you're going to do it, it's therefore you and your partner's choice who comes to the wedding, who comes to the evening reception and who doesn't come at all. Those decisions don't come from anyone else. Someone who tries to make those decisions for you is in the wrong. Simple.

Simple, except that for someone who cares about how other people feel there's an awful lot more going on. Of course you're annoyed that your partner didn't put a stop to the neighbour thing straight away, but then you have to remember that these are his parents and he doesn't want to upset or hurt them. There's no doubt that his loyalty lies with you but I think you need to be careful to understand where he's coming from with that one. I've been in the situation where you're being torn between keeping parents and partner happy and it's a horrible place to be.

There's a good chance that the issue of the neighbour is over with after your big argument on Saturday, but if they raise it again I think you need to bite the bullet and have a calm discussion with them. The objective of such a thing is to understand her reason for feeling so strongly about inviting the neighbour. What's important is not to throw up some impenetrable barrier where you absolutely will not listen to her or consider her point of view because that's how the whole thing will descend back into an argument. I'm not suggesting you need to give in to her but I'm suggesting you hear her out. If you still don't want to invite them you need to tell her, in an equally calm manner, your own reasons for not wanting them there. I'd suggest at this point that "because it's my wedding, not yours" is not a good reason to throw into the mix, as tempting as it might be (and valid). I have a sneaky feeling that your in-laws have already invited their neighbours and are now seeking permission retrospectively. I may be wrong, but it's definitely one explanation for the tenacity of their request!

It's also very important for you to discuss the issue with your partner before you go anywhere near your in-laws and make sure you're both singing from exactly the same hymn sheet. Once again, try to understand how difficult the issue is for him (even grown men don't want to hurt their parents' feelings) but do hammer out a common ground that you're both prepared to stick to, regardless of how the conversation with your in-laws goes.

I'm not sure how much help my response really is to you, but I hope you manage to get the situation worked out. I'm sure you'll have an amazing day regardless.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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Re: MIL Bridezilla

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Sep 23, 2013 11:39 am

I had similar situation but with an aunt who wanted other aunts my husband didn't even know

I said tell them to call me and I'll explain to them why they can't come

MIL will not want to own up to neighbours so she will find a way to uninvite them

In the unlikely event the neightbours ring you (NOT AT ALL LIKELY) you tell them the wedding is very intimate and therefore you have choosen only to invite friends and close family and hope they don't feel offended. What are they going to respond to that

You could also point out that it's your day and if she wants to celebrate with all her friend perhaps they could renew their own vows.

I would also throw in you find it odd that the neighbours want to your son get married when he doesn't really know them. It's like MIL being invited to your best friends wedding for instance.

Ultimately you let this get out of hand now and she may continue to push things once married.

You must tell your hesband now it is his responsibility to contain his parents not yours. He must understand the consequences of letting this get out of control will then lead to problems when you have kids too. There will only be one loser and that will be him if you end up divorced from the strain of it.
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Re: MIL Bridezilla

Postby WhiteLight » Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:53 pm

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Re: MIL Bridezilla

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 24, 2013 11:44 am

I agree with you wholeheartedly about the potential for her to dominate. As I said it really is your husbands responsiblity to sort out his parents.


One thing I disagree on is "the wedding isn't all about the bride and groom". I think it is. It's you wedding day so should be your choices, including how much involement you want from others. They had their day and had their choices unless they got bullied into things they didn't want, which means they should understand how awful that is.

Their gift to help pay for it should not be a gift with strings. It should be a gift to help you achieve your dream day and if it isn't intended in that way then it shouldn't be given.
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