How do I leave my mother's home

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How do I leave my mother's home

Postby Westie1 » Fri Jan 23, 2015 10:06 pm

I'm 46 years old and still love with my mum. The basic reason for this is that my sister is an alcoholic and makes her life a misery. There's also the fact that my dad passed away recently as well. I did move out for a while but returned home when the relationship broke up. I now feel totally trapped and don't know what to do. I've stayed for so long as I would feel too guilty that my parents were left with my sister and now it's just my mum who would have to deal with her.

I've met someone I really like and he wants us to live together and eventually get married and I don't want to miss the opportunity- I don't want to be alone when I'm older. The guilt I'm feeling about leaving is huge. My mum and my sister fight every night and I just can't handle it any more but I'm spineless.

Any advice would be appreciated and by the way, my mum keeps telling us to leave when she is drunk. I really don't know why I just can't go. I don't want to leave after an argument.

Thanks
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Re: How do I leave my mother's home

Postby snail » Sun Jan 25, 2015 11:20 am

You're right that you mustn't miss this opportunity. At 46, neither your mother nor your sister are any of your responsibility, so there is no need to feel guilt. This is their problem to sort out - it sounds as though there are some issues in the family and they might benefit from counselling? And you can come back to visit anyway, maybe giving your mum breaks sometimes. Get out of this environment and make a new life for yourself. If it doesn't work out after all with this man, stay away and live on your own or flatshare. You have to have your life and live it. Look at it this way, if you stay, your mother has two unhappy daughters instead of one. She wouldn't really want that.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: How do I leave my mother's home

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:35 pm

100% agree with Snail

Also is your sister getting help for the alcohol?
Your mum can call alcoholics anon to get support herself and options on how to get help fro your sister
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Re: How do I leave my mother's home

Postby Akidma » Sun Mar 01, 2015 11:13 am

Hi
You need to stiffen up that weak backbone of yours and take control, that is if you ever want to have anything in life.
Tell your Sister very firmly to get her ass off to alcoholics anonymous. At the very least she must be separated from your dear old Mother so they cannot fall out and argue. As her Brother, insist she moves on if she wishes to continue with her drinking habits.
You then must cut ties with your Mother and go forward with your new lady to form a decent proper relationship, giving her the consideration she will desire and need from you, and put your Mother; sister worries behind you. These are not your problems, and after all one day Mum will no longer be around. Your new relationship cannot wait until that happens otherwise you will always be the man who misses out.
Take control and sort it out. Be strong.
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