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Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 6:02 pm
by mordormordor
Hallo.
I'm 15 years old. My mum won't let me cut hair. I want to shave temples but she starts shouting when I try to speak about it. My parents shout at me for wearing a ponytail and not letting my hair down. Mum controls my clothes (for example she checks if I put my dirty bras to the dirty laundry packet and she counts then). What's more I can't buy clothes I like if she doesn't like them.
I'm not a troublemaker, I study hard and have good marks also I earn money. I go by bus to my school and always pay from my own money.
I can't live on my own untill I'm 18 (that's coming of age in Russia).
What to do to change the situation? I don't like being so strictly controlled.
Thanks

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 8:14 pm
by David020549
You are absolutely normal, teenagers have been rebelling from authority since time began I know you want freedom now but calm down and gradually you will get what you want. Go along ( mostly ) with mum for the next year or two, she is trying to help you grow up into a successful adult who has a happy life, mum well remembers how she was at your age so try to go with the flow.
What ever you do, do not fall out with mum in a few years time having an older friend and confident will be very useful.

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:44 pm
by snail
As David has said, this is normal and everyone finds this difficult at your age, but it is something that will pass. I agree that, as much as possible, try to go along with your parents rather than fighting them (fighting them will just make them harden their position) but could you perhaps compromise - for example, ask that, if you are buying six items of clothing, could your mum chose five of them but you choose one? Or, if you agree not to shave your temples, they don't complain if you want to wear the hair in a ponytail more often? Your parents will find it difficult to object if you are very reasonable like this, so try to bite your tongue when the disagreements happen, stay calm, and don't shout back at them.

Remember that, like all adults, they have other things on their minds that they are worried about as well, and that probably means they don't have the energy to be as patient with you as they should be. Also, some of the things they are objecting to is because they really aren't in your best interests, and they can see that, and it's their job to keep you safe. For instance, shaving your temples - I know it seems like a fantastic idea now, but if you do it I can guarantee that you will regret it a short while afterwards, and they can probably see that too.

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 3:35 pm
by mordormordor
Thank you all for answers: )
snail wrote:if you are buying six items of clothing, could your mum chose five of them but you choose one? Or, if you agree not to shave your temples, they don't complain if you want to wear the hair in a ponytail more often?

I have not got any new clothes for like a year and I have never got more than 2 items at once.
Also I'm scared to talk with my mums about hairstyle bc they shout so ogften.
snail wrote:but if you do it I can guarantee that you will regret it a short while afterwards,

Why?

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:40 pm
by reckoner
I think my parents were stricter with me than my friends' parents were with them. I hated it at the time, but I appreciate it now. I think 15 is a really difficult age - you're still a child, but so close to being an adult - you probably look like an adult. Your parents have to deal with the freedom you crave while knowing that you're still a child that they have the responsibility to protect. They can see you growing up and becoming an adult and the further away you grow from them, as you are describing now, the more difficult it is for them to protect you.

Like Snail said, they probably don't have the time or energy to explain things properly and make it clear that their actions are out of love and wanting to give you standards of health and hygiene, and not just a need to control. They know more about the world out there than you do and they don't want you to be exposed to the bad side of it or to be judged badly by other people (which people seem perpetually ready to do).

Shaving your temples might not seem like a big deal, but it is a strong look. I wanted a strong look when I was young and wanted to look older than I was (I had several piercings by 16 and a tattoo when I was 17) but it's so easy to get mixed up with dodgy crowds and being a girl that looks older than you really are can put you in a vulnerable position. It's only when I look back that I realise how lucky I was that I didn't get into worse trouble than I did.

Try to be patient and understand where they're coming from. In just three years (I know!! It seems like an age now, but honestly it isn't really) - you will have your freedom and have whatever haircut you want (for better and worse!). Hang in there!

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:54 pm
by reckoner
Just to add about clothes - try going out with her to find clothes that you both like. That way you can let her know about your own taste and sense of style while showing respect for your mother and her wishes. You may find that you become closer over this demonstration of compromise and the act of finding things that work for both of you.

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2015 1:18 pm
by snail
mordormordor wrote:
snail wrote:but if you do it I can guarantee that you will regret it a short while afterwards,

Why?


Because you will enjoy it for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, then the novelty will wear off and you'll either see a hairstyle on someone else that you like and can't have now, or you will get tired of the unpleasant comments people have made about your shaved hair, or will realise that you can't get that part time job you wanted now because they don't really approve of your hair. And then you'll remember that it will take a minimum of two long years before you can grow it out, and that the growing out process will be difficult and look weird. And then you'll suddenly really regret it. I've been there myself - I did exactly the same thing when I was about 17. I regretted it almost immediately. It's just too extreme a look. I knew other girls that did similar things, and they also regretted it, because it takes so long to go away and you get sick of it. But it's hard to understand that until you've done it.

Re: Mum won't let me shave temples and wear a ponytail.

PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2015 10:11 am
by David020549
We all stereotype others and employers are probably the worst, to get any job at all you have to conform in dress, hair and behavior. This applies for a waitress at the local cafe all the way to Chief Exec, in your free time you can dress and behave differently, but if you want the wages you do as they say. Way out hair or face piercings will mean you will be passed by many times for work, always remember to pay the rent you need money so if you want a nice place of your own a good job is essential.
Don't be in a hurry to move away from home living independently costs a lot more than you think, even together with a friend it will be a struggle.