daughters wedding

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daughters wedding

Postby karenmull » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:49 pm

hi, i'm new to this and i am completely at my wits end. i am a divorcee with 4 grown children, all girls. i m very proud of them all and i love my 4 grandchildren to bits. each of my daughters has a child each. i have been with my partner for 11 years. my 2nd eldest is getting married in march. she has been engaged for 2 years . her and her fiance have saved and are paying for the wedding themselves. i and my partner are paying for the honeymoon and i have been consulted about my opinion at every step and everybody is getting excited about the wedding - the first of my children to get married. my children have had no relationship with their dad in 11 years. he was never there for them and my daughter and her sisters dont want him at the wedding. however while discussing the seating arrangements before christmas, my daughter announced that my partner wasnt sitting at the wedding table with the wedding party. i was very distressed about this and begged her to reconsider for my sake. i have been sick on and off for the last 2 years and have been hospitalised. my partner has been so good to me throughout and was the person who looked after my every need. my daughter says he's not family. when i asked would it make a difference if we were married ie he would be her stepfather, she said no it wouldnt. it has become a real sore point and i am miserable over the whole thing. i told my partner and he was equally upset as he had assumed that being my partner that he would be sitting at the wedding table and made the point that when my other daughters get married the situation will be the same and we will be forced to sit apart. my daughter asked my brother to walk her down the aisle which was understandable. i really want to sit with my partner and i told my daughter i'll sit at another table with him instead and she got very upset. now we're all upset. my daughter, my partner and me. my partner opted not to go at all, he didnt want a big fuss. we both understand its her big day but i dont see why she is adamant that he's not going to at the wedding table. i dont want to act like a petulant brat and announce i'm not going either but that s how i'm feeling. i dont know how my other daughters feel about the situation, i'm trying not to involve them in the dispute. lately i am sick again and am going for more hospital tests. i wish i could make her understand how important she and my partner are to me. i dont think its a big thing to ask. am i being unreasonable?
i would love any advice
karenmull
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Re: daughters wedding

Postby chosenfew » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:18 pm

Hi welcome to pp :)


I think both you and your daughter both have strong points. I feel it's a no win situation for you both and maybe you should just go with your partner and sit at seperate tables as it's your daughters big day and hhis is what she wants. I can see why your upset but do your other daughters have boyfriends and if so are they sitting at the main table? If not then maybe it's because your daughter is wondering were it would end for peoples partners at the main table. If your other daughters partners are on the main table then maybe you should question why?

I'm sorry this isn't much help x
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Re: daughters wedding

Postby karenmull » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:42 pm

thanks for your reply chosenfew. unfortunately things took a turn for the worst yesterday. out of the blue, i received a text from my daughter saying she no longer wants me or my partner to go to her wedding, she doesnt want us to pay for her honeymoon and, i was altering the wedding dress and ball gowns for her, she wants them back and she ll get somebody else to do them. as you can imagine, i am heartbroken. bear in mind my partner has been like a father to my children and most of the time we were one big happy family. my daughter and i have not fought or argued over this dilemma, it is not our style, we discussed it logically. so it was a complete shock to get the text yesterday when we had been writing invitations last sunday. she told my other daughter who has intervened on both our behalfs. she can see both points of view but thinks it is only a meal get over it. she nor my daughter see the real point; being a wedding it will be a long day for me as i am partially disabled. i'm panicking in case i get sick on the day and my partner is the one that takes care of me when i am ill. i dont have a social life because i cant sit or stand for too long. and i work part time only for the same reason. my children dont know how sick i am because i dont tell them. i am used to my partner being at my side at all times.
i dont know what the solution is, but for the 1st ever my daughter has not only disrespected my partner but has also disrespected me. myself and my daughters have always been close. i am closer to this daughter more so than the others.
i think in her own way she was lashing out by giving me an ultimatum. all ive done since yesterday is cry
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Re: daughters wedding

Postby chosenfew » Thu Jan 06, 2011 2:50 pm

That's terrible news. I really don't know what your choices are now but I'd demand an explanation as to why neither of you can now go!!! It's pretty poor her doing that to you, sick or not x
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Re: daughters wedding

Postby Planty » Tue Jan 11, 2011 5:44 pm

What an awful situation. I really do feel for you. Is it totally out of the blue? Did she have a good relationship with your partner up until this point? It just sounds like there is more to it on her side................

I don't think it's the usual for daughters partners to be at the main table anyway is it? So I'm not sure that's a good comparison. I think it's usually just the "wedding party", although that does usually include the brides parents.................

I do hope this gets sorted out. I would suggest (once you have calmed down) giving her a call. Texting you was totally inappropriate to be honest.........
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