Step children all going wrong please help

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Step children all going wrong please help

Postby Sarahs » Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:47 pm

Hi iv been with my 35 year old partner for over a year , not long, I am five years younger and I have two boys aged 3 and 4. My partner has two girls aged 6 and 10 . House full of kids anyway. At first my relationship with my partners eldest was terrible she took an instant dislike to me ! After much work and effort she adores me. His children are great sometimes but as kids can be a pain. The problem is his oldest daughter is totally obsessed with where I am what I'm doing. I don't mind at all but today my partner said I should take a step back from her. She would rather stay with me then go with her mother or dad . I treat all the kids the same, discipline, caring, cuddles kisses an listening. I cook and clean after them
All. His children live with there mam and my partner used to see them twice every two weeks. But I have since negotiated with there mother and we see his two kids 5 times a week I do all school runs with all 4 of them and they all finish different times I do all cooking cleaning etc . The problem is my partner said I need to step back and I'm not sure what that means I treat them all the same I look after everyone and always put them all before me and it's not my problem if his children want to spend time with me! I would rather they like me and feel confident enough and content to talk with me rather then them keeping me as an outsider! I'm confused and feel all my effort getting chucked away if I step back and If I have to what actions do I do to step back? There lovely kids but they are not mine they have a lively mother and father but It took 6 months of hard work for his eldest to even speak with me ! How do I step
Back? Iv never help raise someone elses children so am not sure ?

Please help as I'm at my ends wits I can't do anything right
Sarahs
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Re: Step children all going wrong please help

Postby Pichu » Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:52 pm

Well, for me the best you can do is to talk to your partner. To ask him all the things you asked us.
Tell him what you're feeling and tell him you don't understand what he wants.
Maybe all he wants is just to make his daughter more "indepedent". But if he wants to see his daughter more with her mother than you, well you have accept it. That does'nt meen you can't spend time with her! But children have difficulties to find the golden mean and the "true" mother may be affected buy her behavior.
Imagine that you're child says he prefers to be with his stepmother!
Talk with your partner! It's the best way to have a clearer idea of what he wants.
To live is to forge a link between a past which you no longer remember and a futur which you don't know.
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