what to do about my affair

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what to do about my affair

Postby juliem » Sat Apr 05, 2003 12:50 pm

i am married - for 11 yrs- and have four young children.I am 41 yrs old and my husband works away a lot. Last xmas I had a fling with my best friends brother whilst staying with her. I was shocked at what i had done as i have never been unfaithful before. He text me soon after and we have been meeting up regularly since. He gives me everything my husband doesnt - love, affection, fantastic sex, great conversation - he listens to me. My husband is always in a bad mood - usually because he is always tired. He criticises everything i do - i feel i am walking on egg shells around him. But i do know he loves me. I am so confused. Do i leave him anyway and see if i can be happy without him - I dont work. Wud i be leaving him only because of my lover - and what if that doesnt work out. He is a single guy and i cant really imagine him taking on four children - although he says this isnt an issue. My husband wants us all to move to France - should i go along with this, breaking all ties and see if anything can be rekindled? Help - I just dont know what to do. I know I do love my lover and my feelings for my husband are no longer there.
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Postby tammybligh » Mon Apr 07, 2003 11:24 am

I think you've answered your own question there. If you no longer have feelings for your husband and you're in love with this other guy, then it isn't really fair to stay with him. In my opinion, moving to France will make you resent your husband for taking you away from your lover and your friends. Staying in a loveless relationship normally does far more harm than good.

I've never been in this kind of situation, so I apologise if this wasn't very helpful to you.
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Postby Diane » Tue May 20, 2003 12:12 pm

i'm 17, my mum and dad divorced 3 years ago, it was never the divorce that affected me it was the years of growing u knowing that my mum and dad did not love each. At the time they stayed together for kids sake! its the worst thing in the world! the marriage had dragged on to be unbearable and the divorce was hurendous as my dad had, had a string of affairs. I would suggest that u stop all the secrets, talk to ure husband and finish it while u still have the chance for it to be amicable. If u know u will be happier in the long run without ure husband, go 4 it!
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Postby Diane » Tue May 20, 2003 12:13 pm

i'm 17, my mum and dad divorced 3 years ago, it was never the divorce that affected me it was the years of growing u knowing that my mum and dad did not love each. At the time they stayed together for kids sake! its the worst thing in the world! the marriage had dragged on to be unbearable and the divorce was hurendous as my dad had, had a string of affairs. I would suggest that u stop all the secrets, talk to ure husband and finish it while u still have the chance for it to be amicable. If u know u will be happier in the long run without ure husband, go 4 it!
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Postby IckleBlackRose » Mon Jun 02, 2003 10:53 am

My dad always told me with these sort of situations,
Dont think about wanted to leave your Husband because you want your Lover,Think how you feel towards your Husband,Do you love him enough to make the marriage work? And i know its hard,But think about what affect it would have on your children,How old are they?
xxxx
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Postby kitten » Mon Jun 02, 2003 11:25 am

I am a Christian and had sex before marriage, although it was with the man I married. I think in this day and age things have changed and I think God appriciates that.

As for the problem like people have said it depends on their ages.
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Postby Claire... » Fri Jun 20, 2003 1:18 am

Are you sure you are in love with your lover? Lust can so easily be misled for love, especially when you have been in a relationship for a long time. You've been with your husband for 11 years and in that time things will have become routine, no excitement, no spontaneous bursts of passion. That is what your lover is giving you that your husband can't.

I think you really ought to think about what will happen if you leave your husband for this other guy. For a start to go into another relationship straight away is a bad idea.

I think you should think about what your lover would give you if you had been with him for 11 years would you really be any different than you are now?
The excitement has gone from your marriage and to get into an illicit relationship is very exciting, fresh and dangerous, but once that has gone what will you have left.
Give yourself time to figure out for yourself what you want. Ask your lover to give you a bit of space for a while. See how you feel about the situation then. You have to do whats right for you but just make sure it really is the right thing!
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