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Postby LadyofD » Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:10 pm

Right, I need some confidential help.

I'll give you some background info first: I'm 17 years old. From Glasgow. I've had 2 long term relationships (the first lasted 2 years and the 2nd is a year and counting...)

When I was 14 (about a month or so before I started the first Long Term Relationship) I was raped by a guy I knew from Primary school. I suffered. I still suffer. And I have problems with commitment and a fear of not being wanted or alone.

My first relationship lasted 2 years (though we split up at the year point and got back together) as I said before, right until March 2006. Then I got into a new relationship in the April 2006...and I am still in it now. I care for the guy very much.

BUT - it's happening again. In my last relationship around the year point I started to have panic attacks and I dumped my ex.

Now...this time...I've started cheating.

Four days ago I had sex with my boyfriends friend. We kept it quiet. Then 2 days ago I met up with this other guy. We had sex and I went home. We agreed to meet up the next day and I would stay over. So I did. But this morning he turned really nasty. He wanted sex and I didn't. He grabbed my hair and forced me to have sex with him. A lot of my upper top body, but mainly my breasts are covered in bruises. I told him to stop.

But is this rape? I feel that the rape that occured 3 years ago and the fact that i jump into relationships are related. I feel that this morning I brought everything on myself. I haven't told my boyfriend, and I can't.

I just need advice. I hadn't cheated until the time 4 days ago. But since then I've cheated with 2 seperate guys. Why?

I know you'll think I'm some troubled attention seeking teen, but I really need some help. I'm tearing myself up. I need to know why I do these things so I can stop myself.

I want to make myself a better person. I want to let go of the past and look the the future.

Thank you.
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Postby chat noir » Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:38 pm

yes it was rape if you asked him to stop and he forced you.

report to police as soon as you can.
then you need to talk to your boyfriend, and talk to him about what's bothering you. he can't help if he doesnt know the problem, and it's not fair to keep cheating on him

hope this helps a little
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Postby all_apologies » Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:10 pm

Wow, you’ve been through a lot! Yes, it’s most definitely rape. Don’t be so hard on yourself, none of us are here to judge you and we definitely don’t think you’re an attention-seeker!

Anyway, it sounds as though the first rape has had a major impact on your ability to handle commitment. A lot of people face this following something so traumatic, so it’s not unusual. It also appears that it’s affecting the way you see yourself. Try to imagine someone else in your situation asking for advice. Do you think you’d assume they’d “brought it on themselves”? I doubt it, but it’s because it’s knocked your self confidence that you’re blaming yourself. Don’t, it’s not your fault! No one brings rape on or deserves to be treated in this way.

At the end of the day, it’s up to you whether you want to contact the police, so I won’t go into that too much. However, I do think that some sort of counselling may be worth checking out, to help you to deal with both this recent trauma as well as the underlying issues brought on by the rape when you were younger.

As for your relationship, that’s an entirely different issue. Even though you’ve obviously got some deep issues that are the product of something you couldn’t control, you need to come clean. It’s not far on your boyfriend to string him along, so I think you either have to end it or explain what’s happened with the hope of perhaps being able to work through it.

The key thing is to talk to someone so that you can figure out exactly the root of your commitment issues and work on seeing yourself in a more positive light. You deserve to be happy, and with a little work you can overcome your problems.
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Postby malevolent_creation » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:59 pm

this is rape and he deserves to be locked up for it. do the right thing, and tell someone.
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Postby morris mouse » Thu May 03, 2007 3:22 pm

LadyofD wrote:But this morning he turned really nasty. He wanted sex and I didn't. He grabbed my hair and forced me to have sex with him. A lot of my upper top body, but mainly my breasts are covered in bruises. I told him to stop.


You mention,in your post,that this thug (and that's exactlywhat
he is) grabbed your hair and forced you to have sex with him...........

That's RAPE!!!

You CANNOT keep this to yourself (that's exactly what
this thug would want).............

It's far too big an issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Please tell someone about this,as soon as possible!!**
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Postby Princess11 » Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:06 pm

I have bin through rape And by the sound of what you have sed YES THIS IS RAPE . I Know how you feel..You feel scared all the time and like you cant trust anyone and when you try an hav sex again for the first time you freak out and get scared.. i know.. You should talk to your boyfriend about it.. it really does help my bf has helped meh and always bin there for meh.. ever since it happnd.. You need to tell the police aswell. Naw i havent told anyone cause im scared bt you adn i shouldnt be.. They should be where they belong.. and that is in jail.. If you ever want to talk about it to anyone then you can always talk to me.. jst prvite message me and ill be there.. :) as i hav biin through it too ii myte be better to understand than someone that hasnt (no offence guys).. Good luck.. :)
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Postby Pwif » Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:47 pm

I know this is a very difficult subject, but this PPer posted more than 8 months ago. If she wishes to resurrect this post, she can do so. Otherwise, please consider it closed.
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