By saying something stupid like I love you ... <3

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By saying something stupid like I love you ... <3

Postby xbeanbabyx » Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:21 pm

Hey xx

Well I did something stupid really.
I told the teacher that I've liked for just over 2 and a quarter years that I like her.
I told her just before Easter and she was saying things like "it's fine, it's okay, don't worry, everything's going to be okay".
But now ...
I've been banned from talking to her by senior members of staff and she's been told to make as minimal contact with me as possible - this even includes looking at me by the looks of it!
I'm not even allowed in the library because she walks throught there - really extreme and perthetic - so now I have some of my lessons in the inclusion unit cupboard.
Also, she said she would only tell one person and now loads of teacher seem to know. I'm not bothered about them knowing, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of liking her, I just thought the less people who know the better, otherwise something bad would happened. That is exactly what happened!
So now I'm not sleeping, not eating, making myself very ill, not being able to do lessons properly - eg. leaving half way through or not doing any work, not being able to concentrate on anything and it's making my illness (m.e) hell!
Parents are getting suspicous too and are always asking me questions now.
All I want to do is to get my life back to normal, me talking to her for about 20mins a week, being allowed to have my lessons in the library. Rather than being question if I'm standing outside the library by a teacher or being given dirty looks by teachers or them just avoiding me.
My friends that I've told all agree with me saying it's out of order and really harsh and uncalled for!!
Also, when I'm with her on my own, I've spoken to her once since and she seemed really comfortable and always blames the other teachers for not being able to talk to me. She never says she doesn't want to and when no one else is with me, she smiles at me normally.
So this seems like she doesn't want to avoid me either, so why is she doing it ?
How can I get everything back to normal x x x
Thanks x x x
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Postby Moose » Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:58 pm

Hi xbeanbabyx,
Your teacher is in a pretty difficult situation now. She had no choice but to inform someone else about what you said - she really did the right thing there. Imagine if she kept it to herself, and continued to spend the same sort of time with you. It sounds like you've told some of your friends about how you feel (have you?) and that you've told your teacher - imagine if one of your friends told their parents that you fancy your teacher, and that she spends time talking to you alone, and then the parent felt uneasy and phoned your parents, and then your parents got in touch with the school -- nightmare! If your teacher was accused of something, true or not, her good reputation would be gone.

Your teacher has to protect herself. Yeah, maybe she does still want to talk to you. Maybe she does like you as a friend, but she is your teacher, and that's as far as it can go. She's probably been advised for her own good to stay away from you so she doesn't give you the wrong idea. She may have been advised to give you some space so you have time to get over her.

You've done a difficult thing by telling her - but what did you think would come of it? Were you just getting it off your chest? The best thing for you to do now is to respect what is being asked of both you and your teacher. Maybe in time they will let you back into the library etc if they think you're over it. I'm sure you won't anyway, but don't make things harder for your teacher by trying to talk to her when you know she isn't allowed. She sounds like a nice person who doesn't want to hurt you - don't make her hurt you by telling you to leave her alone.

Hopefully in time things will calm down, if the teachers see you aren't going to cause problems.
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Postby xbeanbabyx » Sun Apr 22, 2007 2:42 pm

Hey,
Thanks for replying.
Well she told me she wasn't sure if she had to or not, but if she did, she'd tell the head of dept. So I was fine with that, but now a load of senior people know and it has just made everything worse!
I've told about 10 of my friends inside of school that have all been cool about it and as I've said, agreed with me in saying it's really out of order.
But they won't tell their parents, if they'd tell anyone it'd be other students and I don't think they'd even do that. I trust my friends :-) . Well I do talk to her on her own, but it's not like we're alone in a room or anything. It's at lunch time when everyone else is in the caféteria as well, so it's not exactly bad, everyone can see we're not doing anything wrong.
I know it can't go any further than friendship for now, but it can't even be friendship if I'm not even allowed to talk to her!! :-( All I want is to be able to talk to her and if I'd known I wouldn't be able to do that, I would never have told her!
Yes I was just giving it off my chest. I hate keep my own secrets (I'm fine with other peoples :S) and it was killing me! I also really wanted her to know for some reason. All I expected to happen was for her to tell that one person and maybe she wouldn't tell me about her love life anymore or something. But it looks like I was very long there! Can't imagine she'd be sharing that with me either for a long time!
By looking at what you've written, I now see that it's actually quite mean in trying to talk to her when she's not allowed. But I'm too selfish :-( I can't give up. I've only got 2 weeks left with her before I'm off school for 4 months and I don't want it to end like this.
If I talk to one of the senior people would that help? xx thanks again xx
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Postby Moose » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:57 pm

Hi again Bean,
Just read
xbeanbabyx wrote:The person I fancy who has been told not to talk to me said I could leave her a message :D x
this in Chit Chat. Do you want to give us an update on how or why this happened? Up to you!

The thing that makes me feel nervous about what you're writing is - and tell me if I'm wrong - that you and your friends don't seem to realise the trouble your teacher, who you say you really like, could get into. You say your mates all think it's out of order that she's not allowed to talk to you. Why? I can understand that's it's upsetting for you. You fancy her, you told her, you like talking to her, and now you're not allowed to. You know you're not going to try to kiss her in the English room, or start thinking that she fancies you back, but how does your school know that? I said it in my other reply - news gets around very quickly in a school, and even if you trust your friends, you don't know who's going to overhear something and take it the wrong way.

Teachers who get into situations with pupils - whatever the gender - don't stay in teaching very long. It's okay for the student - s/he leaves school and gets on with life, but the teacher is left looking for a new career. I'm not saying this is going to happen to your teacher, and I don't know why she has said you can leave her a message, so I don't want to jump the gun and say anything else about that.

Your teacher is bound to be flattered by your attention. But she has been asked not to talk to you, and you've been asked not to talk to her. You said you're off school for a long time soon - it may well have all blown over by the time you get back, and you might be allowed to talk to her again. You might not even want to talk to her when you get back to school!

This isn't going to be easy for you, especially as you do have strong feelings for this teacher. But you have to realise what's going on and think about why you've been asked not to talk to each other.
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Postby xbeanbabyx » Fri Apr 27, 2007 9:07 am

Thanks again for replying :D Very appreciated!!

Well nothing really happened lol I've phoned her twice - first time she'd already left school. I wasn't sure if they was just saying that at first, but the second time, which was about 2 days later, she was in a department meeting - which I knew was true because my teacher in the same dept told me she had one. So then she said I could leave her a message :-) , but I didn't.

Well what trouble can just talking get her into? One of my friends thinks I am the one that is out of order too lol But she also thinks it shouldn't have come this far. Another friend who does agree with me says the situation even annoys her even though it has nothing to do with her haha. Well it's out of order because it's not like either of has done anything wrong - or are going to. I know and I agree with you that the school don't know that. But maybe I could put forward the point to someone that if I was going to do something, don't you think I would have done something by now as it's been over 2 years?

I'll still be able to phone her until July though :D Although they'll probably ban me doing that soon! haha!

Thanks again x x x
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Postby Pwif » Fri Apr 27, 2007 11:24 am

Hi. I'm in agreement with Moose. It's very difficult being a teacher these days. If you read the papers, you'll see there are quite a number of cases where the teacher has befriended a pupil (doesn't matter if it's male/female; female/male; both of same sex). Nothing has happened, but because the teacher is the adult in a position of trust, they are the one who gets the blame if anything goes wrong, or is perceived to go wrong. Lots of us have fallen in love with our teachers at school (a lot of people call this a crush - I'm not saying that this is the case with you). However, the person who could potentially lose everything is your teacher. She could lose her job, her family, her respectability, even her freedom (she could go to jail).

If you really like her, then you would consider the above. If she really likes you, it's worth waiting until you finish school, then you'll both be on an even footing, and can start a relationship (if that is what you both want).
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Postby xbeanbabyx » Mon Apr 30, 2007 1:35 pm

NEED HELP NOW !!!!!!!!!!!

Head of year phoned mum.
Having a meeting in half an hour.
Mum doesn't know what it's about.
But it's obviously to do with this!
She said she needed to have a little chat about me!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I'm so scared !!
I'm not allowed to the meeting and I have my tutor then so I will probably leave early and do a runner, but come home about 10ish to sleep.
I don't want to face her afterwards .. especially my dad he's a major homophobe and last night said that gay people should be put down. So my dad telling me he wants me dead is not making me any happier about the situation !!
Please help me fast !!
x x x
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Postby chat noir » Mon Apr 30, 2007 3:29 pm

gosh, its far too late now but I hope it didnt go too badly, keep us updated! best of luck!!!!!

xx
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Postby xbeanbabyx » Mon Apr 30, 2007 7:15 pm

Thanks lol.
Well she's told her.
Basically I escaped as soon as she came back and started talking about it lol.
She phoned me a couple of times to check if I was okay bless her.
But since I've been back and before I went out she's been basically telling me not to stalk her and saying I've really mucked up lol. Which is true ..
So guess it didn't actually go to badly, but I still wish they hadn't told them. I don't feel comfortable around my mum. My dad's not home yet so I don't even know if he knows lol. But I'm not going to ask .. staying off the subject!

.x.
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Postby Moose » Sun May 06, 2007 11:37 am

Hey Beanbaby,
How's your week been? I hope things have calmed down for you. How has your dad been? I know how it feels to have your family saying derogatory things about gay people. It's really hurtful. My dad surprised me though - when I told my parents I was gay, a few days later he said that I'd made him feel differently about gay people, and his views had changed. Maybe your dad will be the same.
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Postby Miss-Padfoot-Lupin » Fri Sep 14, 2007 11:45 am

I've been in love with a teacher for over three years now and I still don't dare tell him how I feel. Only a few of my closest friends know and I really admire your guts.

Good luck with everything. :)
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Postby retrochav » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:54 pm

This is rough i know. I fell for the caretaker at my school, and back in the 80s being gay was a huge no no!

In my case we did have a relationship. What i did, which with hindsight, you surely should have, was be extremely discreet! However, we have to work with what has happened and where to go from here.

Your teacher really cant afford for anyone to think she has abused her position. Show her that your love for her is real by suggesting you talk in a chatroom, or in the presence of another adult, preferably a teacher, and give her a wide birth at school. If you two are to remain friends, or even some day be lovers, you will need to be patient and wait for it.

This is agonising, but the same rules apply throughout life. People in positons of power are taking huge personal risk by allowing junior memebers of staff to appear to be too close. Many jobs actually have rules restricting it.

If your parents are accepting all well and good. If not, you may need to give them time and show love and understanding. To do this you may find a local gay youth group helpful. You would be suprised, they do exist but dont advertise. Sneakily look through the Gay Times (GT) in your public liabrary for details
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby Moose » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:42 am

Please note that this problem was posted in April, and Beanbaby hasn't visited the site for a while. Ta.
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